Hudson Valley Nesties
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Annoyed or not?

So MIL watches DD two days a week.... And she'll run errands and bring K all over sometimes while watching her. I'm kind of annoyed because MIL doesn't tell me ahead of time. I mean granted she's doing us a favor watching K. But she's my daughter... I wanna know where she is!!! Am I being a pain? I miss my old daycare.... At least I knew where K was all the time! :-(
Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: Annoyed or not?

  • I don't have kids yet so I'm probably coming from a different view...that said, does she have a cell phone that you can reach her while she's out?  Are you concerned about the way she drives with K in the car?  If you aren't concerned about her driving ability and she's accessible by phone then I'm not sure I see much of a problem. 
  • Childcare is a very touchy subject. That was my reason for paying for a center. To me it was important that I know where the child is.

    However it is your MIL and if she was watching her on a weekend would you expect her to stay home? (I know this is not what you want to hear)  I don't think you can ask  a family member to not run errands unless it was discussed before hand. IMO

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • ssagessage member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments

    I guess it depends on where and how often.

    My mom watches DD during the week as does one of our friends. My mom does not have a car seat so she is going nowhere with her.  Our friend does have a car seat that we purchased.  So far, she has only taken her to pick her son up from school on a rare occassion.  I know she would never take her shopping all day or that kind of thing.  I don't really have a problem with her having her in the car (or I wouldnt have bought the carseat)...I also know she is accessible by phone and she always tells me. 

    I agree with a pp, if she has a phone and she is not taking advantage or if there is no reason for concern (bad driver, eyesight, etc.) then to me, it wouldn't be an issue.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Anniversary
  • imagerblucy:
    I don't have kids yet so I'm probably coming from a different view...that said, does she have a cell phone that you can reach her while she's out?  Are you concerned about the way she drives with K in the car?  If you aren't concerned about her driving ability and she's accessible by phone then I'm not sure I see much of a problem. 

    i agree, but like rblucy, i dont have any kids yet either.

    imageimage
  • I guess it's a bit of an issue because we had already told her to give us a heads up. I guess it's a lot of things.... 1) I've never been in a car when MIL drives 2) I feel like she is parading DD all around town just to show her off 3) I'm a little jealous that she gets to hang with DD all day (I'll admit it!!) I get that she wants to show DD off, but I just don't want it to be disruptive to DD's schedule if it's really not necessary. KWIM? I like to keep her in somewhat of a routine. I'd be more understanding if she was heading to the grocery store because she needed something but it's another thing to just take DD to so and so's house and then so and so's job and then so and so's work. Maybe I'm just 'that' mom!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • So I happened to be on the phone with my Mom when I was reading this.  She said that she could understand taking her out if she watched her all week and had to run some errands.  But since its only two days, my Mom doesn't see why she has to run around with the baby.  I am of the same opinion.  I would want to know where they are going and I would we worried about the baby's schedule.
  • imageHuzzy:
    I guess it's a bit of an issue because we had already told her to give us a heads up. I guess it's a lot of things.... 1) I've never been in a car when MIL drives 2) I feel like she is parading DD all around town just to show her off 3) I'm a little jealous that she gets to hang with DD all day (I'll admit it!!) I get that she wants to show DD off, but I just don't want it to be disruptive to DD's schedule if it's really not necessary. KWIM? I like to keep her in somewhat of a routine. I'd be more understanding if she was heading to the grocery store because she needed something but it's another thing to just take DD to so and so's house and then so and so's job and then so and so's work. Maybe I'm just 'that' mom!

    I can totally understand not wanting to disrupt her routine. I didnt think of that aspect. I can see myself def getting annoyed then.

    imageimage
  • Yeah, I think it's different if you're concerned about her schedule and things like that.  Not wanting her to go places just bc you won't know their exact location is different.  I think you could express to her that you'd prefer her only take K out at certain times (the times in between set naps/feedings) to keep her on schedule. 
  • I'd want to know ahead of time what/where she planned on taking her. But seeing as you've already said something, I'd be annoyed. I'm the same way about A's schedule. I used to plan weekend errands around his naps. Lol. I totally agree with you, esp since she only has her 2 days. Could it be that's she's just excited that her granddaughter is closer to her now??!! Maybe the thrill will wear off (in a good way) and she will stick to staying home? Kwim?? What does your DH say?
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • DH sides with me... (cuz he knows what's good for him! Lol!) I was hoping it was because we just moved here too... But we've been here almost a month now... And it's still the same. I understand she wants to show everyone K ... But it's not worth ruining her schedule... She's to the age that if she misses a good nap she's a crying wreck. If K is cranky when I get home from work I'mma be pissed!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imageHuzzy:
    I guess it's a bit of an issue because we had already told her to give us a heads up. I guess it's a lot of things.... 1) I've never been in a car when MIL drives 2) I feel like she is parading DD all around town just to show her off 3) I'm a little jealous that she gets to hang with DD all day (I'll admit it!!) I get that she wants to show DD off, but I just don't want it to be disruptive to DD's schedule if it's really not necessary. KWIM? I like to keep her in somewhat of a routine. I'd be more understanding if she was heading to the grocery store because she needed something but it's another thing to just take DD to so and so's house and then so and so's job and then so and so's work. Maybe I'm just 'that' mom!

     

    I agree with you and I think you have every right to get upset.  I don't have any kids, but this would really annoy me. You've already spoken to your MIL about giving you the heads up and it seems like some of the errands are not out of necessity.  She shouldn't be taking K to everyone's home and job just to show her off and disrupt her schedule.  If K misses a nap, then it's you who has to deal with a tired kid at the end of the day, which isn't fair.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • My mom rarely takes him out on Friday. She also tells me if she is taking him out at all.

    MIL takes Jack out a lot and I don't find out until pick up.  Usually she does pick him up from our house in the morning, so she has to drive him at least 1 place.  I have chosen to leave this alone ONLY because I allow my mom to drive with him.

    We have also had 1 of our sitters take him out for errands, because they do it as a favor and don't charge so I don't want to make them stay in all day.  Another girl I am using this summer, and tried her 2 times a month ago took Jack to museum and park, with my permission.

    Funny though I refuse to allow my BIL/SIL drive with him because I see how they drive normally and turns on 2 wheels is no good. 

    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • My parents babysit 5 days a week and I know that they take E in the car with them often.  I am okay with it because I know they are super careful with her and also because I know that I can always get them on their cell phones.  I don't know if I would be comfortable with anyone else putting her in their car though. 

    Try to casually ask what her plans are for the day to get a sense of where she is off to for piece of mind.  If it really is bugging you I would talk to her about it, keeping it to yourself isn't always the best idea!

     

    Good luck :)

  • I'd be annoyed that you asked to be informed and she doesn't give you the heads up.  I also think you have the right to limit where/when DD goes out and the schedule you set should absolutely be respected. But, you have to weigh that against the chance MIL may no longer be comfortable with/willing to watching DD. Unfortunately, when family is involved with childcare, boundaries tend to be blurred and not respected,
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Second Birthday tickers BabyFetus Ticker
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards