Northern California Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Bachelor party & strippers Poll #1
i voted for the 2nd option. however, i probably would b!tch about him going to a party where there'd be strippers..see, at his bachelor party i found out that not only were the 3 girls strippers AND they were completely naked. BUT after the "show" their "bouncer" made an announcement that if anyone wanted anything "extra" it would be $150. 2 of the guys there took them up on that offer and i basically had to bleach my entire bathroom and threw away whatever bathroom towels were in there.
i trust my husband...but whenever i think of that. my blood boils. he hasn't been invited to a party where ther'd be strippers...but i'm sure eventually he will.
#1, but I'm probably not typical. We had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party at DH's request and I was the one who pouted that we didn't go to a strip club or hire a stripper. It's all in good fun, imho, but I can easily see how some women are not at all cool with it. The divorce threat makes me roll my eyes, but honestly if the guy really wants to marry her then the ball is in his court to stand up against his friends and set the boundaries so his wife-to-be is comfortable.
Strippers aren't an issue to me but if there was something important to me and my DH wouldn't stand up for me against his friends, I'd be pretty bothered by that. But we both expect that kind of solidarity from one another.
Women don't want to hear what men think,
women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice
I agree with this. I also don't find strippers to be offensive, sex with strippers, yes, but not just strippers. But that being said, if I had an issue that I felt that strongly about & my husband knew about it, I would expect that he respect my boundaries. If he thinks I am nuts, then it is his job to tell me so, and maybe come to a compromise instead of just doing it anyway.
It would bother me if my H's friends weren't respectful of his desire to NOT receive the lapdance, as this guy was. Saying no and then being visibly uncomfortable sounds like he attempted to make he and his wife's "boundaries" known, and no one in the situation respected that. And yes, that would piss me off. I don't care about my H going to see strippers at a bachelor party with his friends, but it would be kinda hard for me to get over the lapdance. Every couple has those boundaries, and ours include NO touching. So, the lapdance would bother me. I honestly can understand her anger if her trust in their boundaries was violated (and it sounds like it was...there's a reason he was uncomfortable with the lapdance to begin with).
ETA: I voted for option 2, b/c I do trust that my H would refuse the lapdance. If it happened anyway? I'd be angry too (hence why I said I understand her anger, though I don't think strippers in general are a source of conflict or a "dealbreaker")
So ... a stripper FORCED a lap dance on this guy?
How does that happen, exactly?
Major side-eye. Not that your hubby isn't telling the truth ... I just don't understand how a grown man is forced into a lap dance he doesn't want.
For the record, I chose option 1. I'd be more worried about the $$ than the stripper!
Also FTR, I roll my eyes at the wife who is divorcing her husband for basically being stripper-raped.
Nope, not quite. It was more like part of the "show" was to have the groom and his best man sitting together on a couch while the 2 strippers danced for them. So when the BM was saying "no" everyone was egging him on and peer pressure and booze can definitely make you cave. I think he did it in order to not spoil the show or whatever for his brother. Funny thing is i've known all of these guys for about 10 years and I honestly believe he was uncomfortable and didn't want to get the lap dance. I know without a doubt that he thought he was doing the right thing by telling his wife, even though everyone else was telling him not too. Then when he told her what happened she basically told him not to come home and he has been staying at his parents house. Of course, she is known in our group as being MAJORLY overdramatic.
Mmm, special snowflake here. I don't fit into any of those categories.
I believe that intimate time with my husband is reserved for me and me alone. Anyone else sharing in that time is a violation. That said, I'm not going to to call it a deal breaker or threaten divorce, mostly because I know dh has the same values as me and would probably react much the way this guy did.
The shitty people here are his friends. What a bunch of douchebags. Way to respect your friends and his wishes.
This.
Well said.
Agreed!
Tea Time for Lulu