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Neighbor Scared of dog - WWYD?
So we have an Olde English Bulldog/Rottweiler mix dog. She is almost 2 years old and very sweet. We've had her since she was about 3 or 4 months old, so she is not a "new" member of the family. She likes to jump over our fence (our yard is fully fenced in) into our neighbor's yard to say "Hi" to the neighbor?s dog. So, to stop this, we put her on a tie out so she can?t get that far. The neighbor has said to DH several times now that she is scared of our dog because she looks like a Pitbull (ignorant much?). DH has assured her several times that she is NOT a Pitbull and that she won?t hurt her. She is not an aggressive dog. She has never done anything that would make you think she was aggressive or dangerous. She does bark, and I understand that can be scary to a stranger, but it?s a ?come play with me? bark, not a ?I want to eat you? bark. Not that this lady would know the difference, I guess. DH has brought our dog over to meet both the neighbor and her dog several times. No amount of reassuring this lady seems to help. Every time she sees DH in the yard, she makes a point of telling him how scared she is of our dog. DH is to the point of wanting to tell her ?Too bad. Get over it?.
So, what would you do? What would you say to this lady?
Re: Neighbor Scared of dog - WWYD?
Honestly I would smile and say "That's so funny because (whatever breed her dog is) scares me! Isn't that strange how that works?"
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Maybe she's had a bad experience with a larger dog before. You can never know what makes a person uncomfortable, but you have to respect her nervousness, even if it is unfounded.
Not that this is the same as your situation, but I used to attend of "gym" of sorts and one of the head guys there would sometimes bring in his two dobermans. I'll admit that while they never did anything to me, I certainly gave them a healthy dose of respect and kept my distance. He said they were nice, but something about them just gave me the willies (later on I did see one of them growl at a kid when she told it sit). He even chided me for being "scared of dogs." I grew up with a Chessie, so I'm no stranger to larger dogs.
As long as you are doing what needs to be done to keep your dog in your yard, you have no other responsibility to your neighbor. She can continue to be as afraid as she feels she needs to be. She needs to figure out a way to get over it.
Im with your DH. I say tough sh*t. Get over it.
Sounds to me like she isn't actually sharing what she really wants to share.
Next time I'd tell DH to reply to her, "It seems like every time you and i are in the backyard you have to make a point to tell me you're scared. Is there something else you aren't telling me because I'm sorry but there is nothing else we can do for you so I'm not sure what you're hoping to see different by complaining to me every single day?"
He should say it nicely but that will at least get the conversation to another stage of communication.
I agree to some degree, which is why we put her on a tie out and have tried to introduce her to Bailey (the dog). However, if she is scared, stay away from her. She is not in her yard, she can only go as far as the tie out lets her.
I just wanted to see what you all would do. I feel like we've tried to be nice, we've tried to make an effort for her to get to know her. I wondered if we (DH) are justified to give the "Oh well, too bad" attitude or if there was something more we could/should do.
I just want her to shut up about it. If you don't like her, stay away. Duh. No amount of her telling us she is afraid is going to make her feel better and the dog certainly isn't going anywhere.
You crack me up every single time. Thanks!
Interesting take on it. I never thought of that. Well, I sort of did. I told DH to ask her what she'd like us to do about it. And then tell her to F--- off and get over it when what she wants is unreasonable.
I agree with this. It sounds like there is more on her mind. Or maybe she hasn't felt that you've acknowledged her fear (oh, you're scared? Here, let me bring my dog over into your yard - even closer to you - and put it next to your dog to see what happens). I don't have a great love of large snakes and if a neighbor tried to convince me his python was just fine and friendly by sticking it in my face, I'd still be scared of it...maybe even more. I know that a friendly meet and greet between the dogs is usually a great way to calm nerves, but some people just react differently.
I know we have a LOT of dog lovers on here (and I'm one of them, although more of a cat person), but some people are just intimated by them the same way people are scared of snakes and spiders. There might not be anything you can do to make her less scared, but hopefully she'll stop complaining all the time!
A couple of my cousins and my grandma's live-in nurse are afraid of my dog because she's black. It's ridiculous to me because she's 30 lbs. and wouldn't hurt a fly but they have their reasons. I suspect your neighbor has some reason for being afraid.
Leave out the fact that people who are afraid of a breed of dog are being ignorant and then put yourself in her place. She is afraid of pit bulls. She thinks your dog is one. Your dog has jumped the fence. She barks and not everyone knows the difference between a good and bad dog bark. Maybe she thinks the tie out won't hold and your dog will jump the fence again. If it's important to you, you could always try getting to the bottom of her fears and see if you can do something about it. Otherwise, I agree with your husband.
The only thing I would worry about is if the dog does somehow jump the fence again or scares her enough that she calls the police. Does that put you in a bad place?
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
Here is the thing... I don't give a flying fig newton if she likes my dog or not. I just want her to stop complaining that she is scared of it. The dog doesn't jump over the fence anymore (hence the tie out) and as soon as we realized she was doing it, we bought the tie out to fix the problem. We've done everything we can (or are trying to do everything we can) to put her at ease,She keeps coming to us about it. We don't engage her in conversation or in anyway push our dog on her. She is the one who keeps complaining to us. If she doesn't like my dog, she should stay away from it.
I used to have a dog phobia. Real, true panic attacks when I was anywhere near a dog, jumping in my car and crying if I saw one unleashed phobia. It developed due to relatively severe bites my brother and I suffered from dogs within one year of each other when we were kids, and I just became absolutely petrified of dogs.
This woman doesn't sound like she's having a panic attack, but being scared of even really nice dogs is possible. (I certainly would.)
I guess I would say something to her the next time like, "Yes, neighbor, you tell me you are scared each time I see you. Is there something we're not doing that you'd like us to do, or something you'd like to tell us, or are you just trying to remind us." And then see what she says. Maybe you'll get an answer, maybe she'll recognize she's being annoying, and if she says she's just reminding you, you'll be able to say "don't worry; we haven't forgotten." And then mentally tell her to eff off because it sounds like you are doing what you can with the tie-out now to eliminate the fence-jumping issue.
I agree with ElizabethD and thedutchgirl, try and figure out what the underlying issue is. Maybe there's more to it.
I was attacked by a dog when I was younger and it was a very traumatic experience. I still have a hard time with dogs that I don't know well. Heck, it doesn't matter if I've met the dog a number of times, I still get really freaked out.
I think it's really hard for dog owners and those that have grown up with and lived with dogs their entire lives to relate to someone who has had a traumatic experience, is just scared, or just plain doesn't like dogs. As I said in yesterday's post, I am not a pet owner and H is even less of a dog person then I am. Neither of us grew up with them and I have had a few bad experiences with them. You just never know what a person has gone through...and honestly? If a dog was jumping a fence and coming into my yard - friendly or not - I wouldn't like it. You may know your dog, but I don't know your dog.
That being said, it would be highly annoying to me that she brings it up constantly. I am not sure what you can really do besides what you are doing.
Boy/girl twins born at 37w1d and 37w2d
Has the neighbor mentioned that she's afraid of all dogs? Or is she just afraid of your dog because she's confused about it's breed and isn't fully educated about breed stereotypes? Figuring this out might help.
If she's just afraid of dogs in general, I would start by apologizing for letting the dog jump into her yard. I love dogs, and I wouldn't like my neighbor's dog jumping into my yard, so I can imagine how that would be for someone who's afraid of dogs. Then I would explain that you're now tying the dog so she can't jump over the fence anymore, and that it has worked so far. Tell her that you've heard her complaints, and that's why you've taken steps to make sure your dog stays in your yard. Beyond what you've already done, there isn't a lot more to do.
If she's just afraid of your particular dog, I'm not sure what you can do. She's not going to trust that the dog is nice and gentle just because you say so. And forcing her to interact with the dog probably won't help either. You can explain that your dog isn't a pitbull, but that's not really solving the problem of unfair breed stereotypes. Basically, you'd be confirming that she should be afraid of pitbulls by saying that she shouldn't be afraid of your dog because it's not a pitbull. And trust me, if you explain that your dog is a rottie mix, people don't get any more comfortable. Rottweilers aren't viewed as much safer than pitbulls. Several of my neighbors are wary of my rottie mix, even though he's gentle and not any more of a threat than all the labs and golden retrievers in the neighborhood.
I'd just ask her what exactly she's afraid of, and what more she'd like you to do beyond what you're already doing.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Understood and agreed.
I totally agree... I would be annoyed if someone else's dog was jumping in my yard too. That is why we made sure to put a stop to that as quickly as we discovered it.
Even though I have 3 dogs, I don't really consider myself a dog person. I love my dogs because they are mine. I don't have a strong feeling towards other peoples dogs either way (good or bad). So I understand her being annoyed. I can even understand her being fearful. I get it. What I'm having a hard time with is the constantly telling us. We know, we get it, there is nothing more we can do about it.
Thanks for your advice ladies. I appreciate the validation that we have done what we can and that it would be fair to tell her we understand and we honestly don't know what to do about it. And be open to her suggestions, within reason.
Now I just have to convince DH to stay calm and ask her what she wants us to do. He gets really worked up over this and is just plain tired of hearing it.
It's our one dog - we have 2 others and she's never said a word about either of them. One is a Boxer and one is a Husky/Samyed mix. She has a dog of her own and her son's dog is constantly over there too - both are labs or lab mixes.
I haven't read everyone's responses but basically I don't think it is your responsibility to convince her any further. Your dogs actions will speak louder than your words.
I just wanted to let you know about this no jump harness that my rescue recommends to people who have fence jumpers. It has a strap underneath that restricts dogs from being able to stretch their bodies out far enough to make the jump. It's not meant to be something a dog wears all the time, but rather when they are supervised. I imagine that it's possible that after a certain period of time the dog will be trained to not jump even when the harness is off. Sorry that I don't have a specific link to one, but if you google no jump harness I'm sure you'll find it. This is what it looks like:
ETA: And as an owner of a Rottie mix, also known as the sweetest dog in the world, I'm sorry you have to deal with such ignorance!!
- Martin Luther King Jr.