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"Dumb Husbands"
I just posted about this on Facebook, but I wanted to see what you ladies thought. I am kind of annoyed because I feel like TV has gone way overboard on the "dumb husband" stereotype. I feel like daily I see multiple commercials or sitcoms or whatever that make men look like idiots, or where the wife is trying to make them look like a fool. It actually really hit home today because I called my dad to see how he was doing (he hasn't been feeling well), and as we were talking, he mentioned to me that his feelings were a little hurt because my mom was kind of talking to him like an idiot about something. I guess it bugs me that TV makes it seem like this is totally normal and acceptable. I don't think ANYONE deserves to be talked to like they are an idiot.
I will be the first to admit that me and DH make fun of each other all the time for the lame stuff we do, but I would NEVER in front of a group of people do something to make my husband look like a fool. I guess I just don't think it is super funny when women sit around and talk about how dumb their husbands are, or are condescending. Am I overly sensitive about this? Does it bug anyone else? And if not, why is this ok? I am NOT talking about normal joking about stuff. I am talking about selling out your husband for the sake of a laugh or a conversation piece. What do you all think?
2.3.11: Started TTC
2.8.12:Initial b/w - Normal
3.7.12:HSG - Normal
3.8.12:S/A - Normal
Cycle #12/Month #15 - 50mg.Clomid CD5-CD9 - BFN
4.24.12: RE appointment - DX Unexplained IF
7.12 - 9.12: TTA
10.12 - 1.13: TTC Naturally
February 2013 - IUI #1 w/100 mg Clomid - 5 mil.post-wash: BFFN
March 2013 - IUI #2 w/100 mg Clomid & Trigger - ?? MY BLOG
Re: "Dumb Husbands"
I will be the first to admit that I am sometimes too tough on DH and that from time to time I have said something infront of others that was unfair to him and embarassed him. It is something I'm trying to work on - but it is stems from my parents relationship and what I witnessed growing up. It is an issue both my sister and I are consciously working on.
Plus, I simply have a more assertive and outspoken nature than DH so that can cause a clash. I wouldn't say that I do anything to intentionally hurt or embarass him, but sometimes my joking around can be taken the wrong way, or my "constructive criticism" isn't taken as constructive at all . . .
A few weeks ago I was in a TJ Maxx and a woman was on her cell-phone. The tone of her voice was sooooooo harsh and critical and she was really talking down to whoever she was speaking with. I couldn't help but listen in and I was shocked at how much contempt her voice held. As she walked down another aisle I heard her say "You are such a complete *** you know that?" and it wasn't in a funny-hahah type of way - it was a "I truly hate you and cannot stand you" type of way. I felt so bad for the person she was speaking to - it was obviously a family member as they were discussing their children's schedule - and I can only guess that it was her partner/ex-partner. .
Anyhow - that whole incident made me really think of how I speak to DH in public and what type of message that sends to people - our friends and strangers. When I heard the woman at TJ's my first and immediate thought, just from her tone of voice, was "Wow, that lady is a biotch" - and then when I heard her call the person an *** with such contempt, I was certain she was a very awful and unhappy person. I don't want to be like that and I don't want anyone to think I could be like that - - - so if that means watching my tone with DH and working on showing him the respect he deserves, then so be it.
But I agree with the TV observation - the bumbling husband/man and the overly critical wife story-line is everywhere. While I like that women are portrayed as competent and assertive, I don't like that these roles are inching into Bitchy-naggy territory.
it doesn't bother me. TV is harsh on all KINDS of people. if you're offended by that, you probably are or should be offended by most sitcoms and reality TV shows.
that said, i can be too quick to share dumb things my husband does and this is something i have been really working on. it's just hard because he's not someone who thinks ahead so he tends to do a lot of boneheaded things! i usually tell the stories because they are endearing but he has told me they embarrass him so i'm trying really hard to bite my tongue.
We just had a conversation about this topic in my office on Monday. It all started because we were discussing the show "Rules of Engagement", another one with dumb, insensitive and clueless male characters.
That humor formula has been used on so many shows, and even though it's old and tired, obviously people still watch it because it's still being used. People think dumb husbands are funny, but people would be a lot less tolerant of a show based on a dumb wife. That would be sexist. I don't know why it's acceptable with one gender and not the other.
Mr. Sammy Dog
While I agree with your observation about television, its not an issue for me. What's more of an issue, I think is how people of color and women are portrayed on television and in the media. For every show where there may be a "bumbling man/husband", there are probably five that have women portrayed in highly sexualized ways, African Americans as ignorant, etc. White men hold most of the power, money, wealth in this country and in my eyes this trumps the dumb husband stereotype.
What I think is important is your point about how you treat your own husband. I agree, its not really amusing for women to sit around talking about how dumb their husband are or to be condescending.
I have been going off about this subject for years now. It's always a hot wife and the husband who just can't get anything right. It drives me nuts! In my marriage, we each do some pretty silly stuff.
I find myself talking down to my husband like I talk to the kids I work with at school. Yuck on both accounts. Never name calling though. I at least have that part figured out. I need to improve on thinking before I speak. He never talks to me like that, and it's certainly not okay me for talk to him like that.
Whew! That's my confession for the day.
I do agree with this too. I definitely did not mean to discount the numerous other issues going on in the media. This one was just particularly bothering me at the moment because I had been talking to my dad about having his feelings hurt, and I realized that unfortunately talking to husbands like they are dumb is almost kind of "expected" because that is what you see all over the media. Then again maybe I am one of those hippies that thinks you shouldn't be condescending to ANYONE. No matter what. This issue bothering me, doesn't mean that the 90% of shows, magazines, movies, etc., that overly sexualize women, for example, don't bother me too.
2.3.11: Started TTC
2.8.12:Initial b/w - Normal
3.7.12:HSG - Normal
3.8.12:S/A - Normal
Cycle #12/Month #15 - 50mg.Clomid CD5-CD9 - BFN
4.24.12: RE appointment - DX Unexplained IF
7.12 - 9.12: TTA
10.12 - 1.13: TTC Naturally
February 2013 - IUI #1 w/100 mg Clomid - 5 mil.post-wash: BFFN
March 2013 - IUI #2 w/100 mg Clomid & Trigger - ?? MY BLOG
I fully support this. We do the same.
2.3.11: Started TTC
2.8.12:Initial b/w - Normal
3.7.12:HSG - Normal
3.8.12:S/A - Normal
Cycle #12/Month #15 - 50mg.Clomid CD5-CD9 - BFN
4.24.12: RE appointment - DX Unexplained IF
7.12 - 9.12: TTA
10.12 - 1.13: TTC Naturally
February 2013 - IUI #1 w/100 mg Clomid - 5 mil.post-wash: BFFN
March 2013 - IUI #2 w/100 mg Clomid & Trigger - ?? MY BLOG
It's so annoying, I agree.
What bothers me as well is the "beauty and the beast" effect, where you have very good looking, fit, young seeming women with slobby, not-so-hot guys (like King of Queens, According to Jim, etc etc), yet you NEVER see a show with a woman who's less attractive (in such an obvious way as the examples) than the man. Unless it's a cougar situation with a hot older woman and a young guy....