Sex & Romance
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
FAM and condoms
I have been on BC pills for 9 years, and DH and I recently decided to stop hormonal BC and start using FAM (TCoYF was amazing to read!). This is my first cycle off of the pill and I would feel more comfortable using condoms until my cycle becomes more regular and predictable - is this unreasonable to ask of him? We had a slight disagreement and I want to know if I'm totally off-base (it's ok if I am, I just want to know) TIA 
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Re: FAM and condoms
I think that's completely reasonable. Especially if since you're just starting to chart either at all, or at least without hormones (so you're actually ovulating now).
You're not asking him to use condoms forever, just until you're comfortable with your new BC choice. Sounds like a good idea to me.
4/11- 12/11 Provera, 3 cycles clomid 50mg, all BFN (HSG-all clear)
Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
IVF ICSI #1- (Lupron protocol) 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
IVF ICSI #2- (Antagonist protocol) Started stims 7/26
ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)beta 1-184 beta 2- 1699 TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - 4/15/13 only possibility of carrying my children to term
IVF ICSI #3.2- (Antagonist Protocol) 7/26 start stims (same day, a year later from J & Z's stim start date!)
ER - 8/7 19R 9F 3dt of 2 8BF embryos. (+ HPT 7dp3dt) Beta #1- 82.8 Beta #2- 821 Beta 3-7254
Colin born via c/s 4/7/14 (36w5d) 6lbs 14oz - 8 days in the NICU
TTC #2 - IVF 4 - July 2015 (Antagonist Protocol) 7/10 start stims
15R 8F 5dt of 1E blast grade BA & 1 blast to freeze!! (+hpt 6dp5dt)
beta #1-52 beta #2-62 Beta #3-6.5 - CP
FET - 9/18/15 (+hpt 5dp5dt) beta #1 -225.1 beta #2-2468 beta #3-21,352
10/29 - U/S shows 1 bean! HR 151 EDD 6/7/16 It's a BOY!
5/18/16 Jacob born via c/s (37w 1d) 9lbs .8oz 19in - 6 days in the NICU
You want to know if that's reasonable? What's the alternative, getting knocked up? Not having sex at all?
Yes, I think it's reasonable. We use FAM as well and use condoms during fertile times. A couple times over the past 2+ years since I started FAM I was a bit unsure of my cycle and said we were using condoms the entire cycle. If my husband had ever said he didn't want to, well, no glove no love. I wouldn't risk an unplanned pregnancy just because he didn't feel like wearing a condom.
I wouldn't risk an unplanned pregnancy just because he didn't feel like wearing a condom.
This. Is your H ready for kids and this is how he's telling you?
Haha I don't think so. We've been talking about it and agreed to wait a few more months before actively trying, but I'm trying to get my body back to "normal" after so many years on the pill, so I think that might take a little while (maybe not).
Thanks for all of your advice and reassurance. I was just surprised when he said "husbands don't wear condoms" - he's usually very very understanding, and only has one married friend, the others are single, so I'm not sure where he's getting this data! I just felt like I was being paranoid about pregnancy prevention, but I'd rather be a little overly-cautious now than bring a child into this world when we're not quite ready
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Thank you all!
This is a selfish statement. But I can see how he might let this kind of thing slip out without really thinking about what he is saying to you and how it makes you feel. Have you asked him to read TCoYF yet? I've heard of some women who talk their husbands into reading it. I'm only halfway through it myself, and FH says he will not be reading a book about vaginas (lol), he just wants me to give him the highlights.
Anyway, just have open communication about everything. The greater burden of an unplanned pregnancy will be on you, no matter how supportive and wonderful he is, so stick to your guns until you mutually decide on baby-time.
And FTR, I had the same experience as a pp - went off bc on the 10th of the month, apparently got pregnant the following week (we were TTC). It doesn't take months for bc to "wash out of your body", the hormones are gone in about 24 hours (that's why you have to take one every day). Some women's bodies simply take longer to adjust......some adjust right away.
The majority of married couples I know use condoms. For some reason some of my friends just can't handle the pills, so the guys are responsible for strapping up. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to want to be careful during a transition period. That's just common sense, unless you both are ready to be parents...
Ditto Maybride. There's a simple solution to that tho: strap up or you will be shown the real meaning of "no glove, no love."
You are definitely not unreasonable! That's crazy! I've been using FAM + condoms fir 4 full years now and I have never been pregnant and never want kids. H and I have discussed a vasectomy, but until then it's condoms for the first 3rd of the cycle, abstinence during the fertile time, and then unprotected once ovulation has been confirmed. And it took me nearly a year to be okay with going unprotected after ovulation and my H never complained a bit - it's really not a big deal. Tell your H to relax and not worry about what he thinks other people do or don't do - it's whatever is going to work for the two of you. For us, we're both childfree for life and extremely motivated to avoid pregnancy which is why we are okay with abstaining during the fertile time. Our wedding night fell right in the middle of the fertile time - we still didn't break our rules! But that's what's great about FAM - it's up to you how strictly or loosely you follow it.
Best of luck!
Are you INSANE?
It's YOUR body.
Making sure you're doing what makes you comfortable in regards to reproduction is NEVER unreasonable.
You're entirely too nice and he's a total @sshat IMO.
I'd have told him it's condoms or celibacy - his choice.
You've put drugs into your body to prevent a pregnancy for 9 years. The fact that you're asking him to take responsibility for just one month and he's balking would piss me off to no end.
AND... you can tell him that my husband has been using condoms for over a year now because I don't want any more pregnancies or miscarriages, refuse to put one more hormone into my body pretty much ever and he refuses to get snipped.
Husbands certainly do wear condoms.
It's called BIRTH CONTROL and in a partnership the responsibility for it shouldn't always have to rest on just one person's shoulders.
Watch out because the next thing you know he's gonna be telling you that husbands don't change diapers in the middle of the night either.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
my FI is the same way. I was like, cmon now, where are you getting your data? This is absurd and I know a lot of women ARE on the pill, but a lot of women are not. I am also doing FAM - I love it because you're both involved in the birth control process, not just one member. Give him some time, he will get used to it. Tell him - no condoms, no sex.
Sage & Berries Blog
Whoa whoa...
1) My husband is not a pig (nor an "@sshat who won't change diapers"), so take it down a notch, Judgersteins.
2) I'm pretty sure I didn't say that bc needs to "wash out of my body", that would be absurd. Everyone is different with adjustment times, and just like it took some ladies 5 days to conceive, it took my SIL 11 months sooo... everyone is different.
In response to others - he has not read TCoYF, but after reading it myself I shared a lot of it with him and encouraged him read certain sections (he did so willingly and is very intrigued by it lol). I guess I need to be more careful on here because what I posted was obviously out of context (we had a long discussion, not just a 2 sentence banter back and forth), but he is the nicest, most genuine man I've ever met, which is why his misinformed comments left me so baffled at the time. We had a tough communication moment, but we have worked through it all now.
Thanks to all for your input, glad I'm not alone with some of it. For what it's worth, he is happily wearing condoms, charting is going well, and I'm not pregnant - we are both equal contributors to all of this! He knows that someday he will be a husband who doesn't wear condoms... but not quite yet.