Sex & Romance
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Advice...nervous and engaged
Okay so I'm new to this. My fiance and I are waiting until our wedding night to have sex. Yes it's a religious thing. He is not a virgin though - just a couple times with a previous girl, so that makes me kind of nervous. I have no clue what I'll like or how to make him feel good. I guess I'm just super anxious that I won't measure up and that it'll suck and I really want it to be great. Also I've heard horror stories about honeymoons that were like one and done, and sorry but I thoroughly want to enjoy him as much as possible 
. Also my gyno said I'm narrow and need to start experimenting and figuring out what does it for me and gets me the big O, but I have absolutely NO clue where to even start.
Any help would be MUCH appreciated! Thanks.
Re: Advice...nervous and engaged
Sounds old school but do what comes naturally --- let nature take its course.:)
Go slow and lots of lube. You'll both be pretty nervous --- and don't expect to have sex on your wedding night. It'll be a long and exhausting day and believe me, all the 2 of you will want to do is crash and sleep.:) Wait until the next night when you're both well rested.:)
I agree wholeheartedly with getting your rest. This is your first time. If the next day you'll be able to relax together somewhere, lay together, talk, cuddle, and enjoy basking in the glow of your marriage, I think it will make the experience much more memorable. But of course run this by your groom. Communication is such a big part of a marriage. Have you told him your concerns? If you have I'm sure he told you it will be amazing no matter what because it will be with you. (If hes smart). But it really will be. He's waited this long to experience you, and he's certainly not expecting you to be a porn star. Nor does he want that. He wants you. Aim for a very sensual experience, take your time. The more foreplay, the horny you will be, and the more relaxed you'll be
Good luck and congrats!
My husband and I were not virgins, however, we decided to wait until we got married for religious reasons (2 years). Trust me, you will be fine. Like pp said, go slow.
On the subject of waiting until the next day, I understand what other people are saying, but I assume you are waiting because you view sex as we did, a wedding gift from God. We had sex our wedding night even though we were very tired, but first we read the Songs of Solomon to one another. It was very romantic and brought us to a place that made sex very special. (I realize that other people on here will find that weird)
If you are traditional people, the practicality of waiting till the next day might not outweigh the desire for the consummation of the marriage on the wedding night. Most importantly, you need to talk this over with your FI. Only y'all can decide what works for you.
Trust me though, you will have plenty of time to enjoy/experiment on the honeymoon. The first time on your first night as husband and wife will be special no matter how good or bad it goes. HTH
Masturbation is an excellent way to figure out what you like, although some religions view that as off-limits too.
As other posters said, take it slow, relax and lots of lube will be helpful. You will be awesome bc he loves you.
lube, and have him 'warm' you up before actually having intercourse. And by "warm you up" i mean combined oral and manual stimulation. Nice....and.... slow...not fast. Once those feelings start, hold on to them. He will most likely finish before you, but if you talk about it beforehand, maybe he can stop or focus on you (combined oral and manual stimulation) again until he's calmed down.
it takes practice...but sooooo worth it. Have fun! It's such an adventure!
Thank you all for your help, advice, and input. It's all much appreciated.
I'm not opposed to trying masturbation or even a vibrator, but I just have no clue where to even start.
And as far as my fiance's concerned, we've talked a lot about fears and expectations and different things we'd like to try and stuff that doesn't appeal to us at all. I'm pretty blunt and he's very open and honest with me so our communication is great. And he's wonderful at noticing what I like and how I react, so I think that he'll be fabulous once we are married.
And yeah I understand I'll be exhausted, etc, but seriously - I'll have waited for freaking ever to be able to be with my husband and celebrate our covenant vows we just shared. We are going to have sex on our wedding night. If not I'll explode
Sex does eventually become something that's great and easy and romantic and fireworks exploding - but it takes time and practice. Don't expect your wedding night to be full of passion and orgasms (not saying it won't be special, but it probably won't be like the movies). Honestly, DON'T try to have tons and tons of sex on your honeymoon, especially if it hurts. Let yourself ease into it without the pressure of trying to be a porn star.
Basically, go in with realistic expectations and no pressure, spend some time getting to know your own body before the big night, and remember to take it slow and use lots of lube, and you'll be fine.
http://www.sexinfo101.com/kb_mastlad.shtml
This is a really good article with lots of good tips for beginners. I can't make it clicky bc I'm on a Mac.
H and I waited until after our wedding for religious reasons too. So worth it for us.
Go slow, use lots of lube. Communicate. Have fun.
Congrats on your engagement and your impending marriage!
I'm going to second what PP's said about going slow and not trying to rush into things. Relaxing was the hardest part for me the first time with my FI, which is part of the reason it hurt so much. Don't be scared if there is a little bit of bleeding, that is totally normal. Funny story here- FI and I went on a roadtrip together after dating for about a month, and we had sex in our hotel room. This was probably about our 3rd or 4th time having sex so I bled a little but on the white sheets. I was freaking out about it because I thought that when the housekeepers came to change the sheets they would somehow know that we had sex, haha. It never occured to me that they would just think that one of us just cut ourselves or something and bled on the sheets. We went to the drugstore and got one of those tide bleach pens and spent about an hour trying to get the blood out of the sheets! Lol
Anyway, you're probably asking how this relates to you. I'm just trying to say if the hotel you have sex in has white sheets, you may want to bring a towel or ratty shirt or something that you dont mind getting blood on to lay on, just to get the hang of things. Also, like PPs said, use lots of lube, you can use it on both him and yourself if you want. Also, I don't know if you are using condoms or not, but if you are, you can buy some that have lube on them I believe. When FI and I first had sex (I was a virgin, he wasn't) he did not use a condom because he did not have the fancy kind that has lube on it, so he just didn't use one and he just said he would pull out before he ejaculated.
Well sorry that got so long, I guess I like talking about sex. I hope you found my advice useful, at least somewhat. Congrats on your engagement!
You should have used hydrogen peroxide!! Gets it out in a jif!
Absolutely, it's not just me waiting. We are both waiting for each other. He made a mistake in his past that he regrets and would change in a heartbeat if he could. He may not be a virgin, but he does have his purity still. And I understand to a lot of non-christian people this might be lost, but whatever. He was like 17 or 18 and thought it was what he wanted at the time. After the first time he didn't want it anymore and she forced him the second time. Yes this is true and not him telling me a story. He is Mr. Right-for-me and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
Congrats on your upcoming marriage.
The best advice I can give you is to go to the library or book store and get a book on female masturbation, and a general "how to" sex book. Or for more discretion, order it from Amazon.com.... I wouldn't do too much internet searching because you can get a virus popping up on your computer when you do sex searches. (Porn sites etc)
Read up on it. Educate yourselves. Read about how to give your man oral sex too. Have him read the book too, and become familiar with the female anatomy, and how to perform oral sex.
Get a hand mirror and become familiar with your anatomy, a vibrator may be too intense for you at first since you have never masturbated. There is no shame in using your own fingers. When you know what pleases you by yourself then you can communicate to your husband (on your wedding night) WHERE to gently gently touch and stroke you until you get there (to the big O). Or let him know you have been practicing and have found the spots you love to be touched and point it out in a picture in the book.
Honey, practice makes perfect and it is extremely enjoyable and completely normal to masturbate. It feels very very good and it will be great if you figure out how to have orgasms before the marriage, then you can show your husband!!!!
)))
ALSO very important: it is more difficult for women to orgasm during intercourse because the stimulation of your clitoris (powerhouse of the female orgasm) is indirect. Please please do not be disappointed if it doesn't happen while having intercourse. He will need to learn how to get you there with manual or oral stimulation first, then you can move ahead and work on the O during intercourse. Female on top is usually the best way to get there. G spot? I've never been able to achieve with that, or even care to find it. We've tried but I don't like it. That's what is cool about sex. It's very individual. I would advise to start with the basics. Manual, oral stimulation of the clitoris, and intercourse. Make sure you learn how to please your man too. It's your job to make sure you find out what he loves and to please him as well.
I like silicone lube the best, the water based lubes tend to get sticky. You will most likely produce lots of natural lube because you are so excited and have waited so long. When it comes to the actual intercourse as the ladies said, go slow and don't expect miracles.
Enjoy your honeymoon darling and come back and let us know how the self loving goes...
My fiance and I are getting married in a little over two months, and we are also waiting to have sex until our wedding night. But we're also very open about talking with each other about sex, which has helped us both to feel more comfortable and not as nervous. We just started reading the book Sheet Music, by Dr. Kevin Leman, and I highly recommend it. You can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303184724&sr=8-1
I have the same fears and worries as you, that I won't be good enough, he'll be disappointed, it won't be enjoyable, etc. etc. etc. Try and remember that he is just going to be happy to be with you, and as long as you are both communicating before the wedding and learning about what to expect, but at the same time not anticipating world class sex right away, you shouldn't really have anything to worry about.
Oh, and I would also HIGHLY recommend that you both discuss together your expectations for the wedding night. This is something that I got from that book, but probably wouldn't have thought to ask otherwise. It's a good thing I did, because, although we've both talked about the wedding night and things that we want, we'd never actually gone into specifics about exactly how we're both expecting the night to play out. Turns out we both had significantly different ideas of how the night would go after we got to our hotel room, and I think it's a huge blessing that we were able to discover that now instead of just being surprised on our wedding night.
Hope that helps! Good luck, and congratulations!
Oh, I wasn't judging him at all. I was just wondering if, since it clearly bothers you and makes you a little uneasy now that you won't be his first, you had considered the possibility that it may bother you even more after the two of you have sex, and might potentially always bother you.
OK, it sounds like all of this talk may have you just a little confused. If not, disregard my message, but, maybe I can help with a few tips.
Lube, take it with you and have it ready to use. How to use it? Apply some to your vaginal opening, if you can, try to massage a little into it. Then, take some in your hands and apply onto his penis. Lightly stroking it with the lube. You are going to want to get him in you, but hold off and just look at him. Explore his penis with your hands and eyes. Look at his scrotum, gently squeeze his balls and feel their weight. Take your time and go slow, it will only increase or heighten your excitement. Believe me, by the time you are finished exploring his penis and scrotum, you will have plenty of natural lube that you won't need help. Just in case you don't know, your vagina will excrete a natural lubricant that works really well. Its that slick, slimy stuff that you will have on and in your vagina when you masturbate. Thats good stuff and its all natural!
Position. Position for your first time will be important. My wife and I were both virgins when we met. Our first time was good, but I'm sure she felt a little discomfort. She was on her back and I was on top and just pushed it right on in when we were ready. I didn't go slow or think about her. I should have! I would think the correct position for you as a virgin would be on top. Your brand new hubby on his back, you straddling his waist and penis. Put his penis at your vaginal opening either with your hands or have him hold it there. Probably would be better for you to "aim" it with your hands. Once you are in position, slide his penis back and forth around your opening to feel it there. Feel what its like and how slick it is. then, when you are ready, slowly slide down on his penis a little at a time so you are controlling the speed at which he goes in. Have him lay still and let you do the work. Just take the head of his penis into your vagina so you can see what he feels like. Again, there is no rush to get his entire length completely inside you. Just move around on his penis head for a few seconds. It will feel great. Then, again, when you are ready, slide down a little bit more and let yourself adjust to something being there. Once you get him completely inside you, stop and savor the feeling. You are going to love it!! You can laydown on him and kiss for a few minutes while you vagina adjusts. Then sit up gently rock side to side and back and forth. While you are concentrating on his penis being inside you, he can try and distract you by massaging your breasts!! Once you are comfortable with his penis inside you, then start sliding up and down on it. Again, be as slow as you want to be and are comfortable with. You will reach a point the first time you are sliding it in where it might hurt. He is about to "pop your cherry", or break you hymen. Once he gets past it, it will feel better.
Orgasm tip: when my wife gets close, and she is on top, she has me sit up to an incline position. My elbows are behind me. This is the best way for her to ***. She can rub her clit on my pubic hair and it really gets her off.
Oral. Oral sex is great. Don't expect to be a master at it the first time you try it. You may have already performed oral on each other, I don't know. But, if you are a virgin in every aspect, then it will be your first time performing oral too. Again, go slow. You are not likely to deepthroat him on the first time you try it. You can use this as a transition to sex. Try 69 position, you on top, giving him oral while he is on bottom giving you oral. Once you think you are ready for sex, spin around into position and begin.
Remember, communication is the key. If you are nervous or have questions, both of you find the answer. Its a lot of fun to look up sex stuff on the internet. It will get both of you excited.
My husband and I both waited for our wedding night, (same reasons) and we are so glad we did! Unfortunately, I think a lot of the religious community has made the grave mistake of raising thier children as if sex is "dirty," or "sinful," only to face the sad fact that they have to tell them something before they get married. Luckily, this doesn't sound like your case.
Our first night was a little awkward, but my dear husband was soooo sweet about it. He lit the fireplace, and we just canoodled on the couch til he asked if I was ready to head into the bedroom. Once we started getting clothes off, it came pretty naturally, but still nothing spectacular. We both agree that it felt wonderful, but certainly not the fireworks everyone makes it out to be. That took a few weeks. :-) If I could give you any advice at all it would be this: first, make sure you have excellent communication about your expectations, fears, or just get comfortable talking about sex together! Doing so helps you both relax and loosen up a bit. Secondly, definitely read an accurate and informative book, preferably together or at least in tandem. We read this one, and it was a huge help in getting us started on the right track. Remember that sex is the most powerful expression of love, respect, and affection that you can ever use, and treat it accordingly.
Oh, one other thing: having a sense of humor will improve not just your wedding night, but your whole sex life. Any number of things won't always go as planned (such as this episode recently) and if you can't laugh at it, things will go sour real fast.
Anyway, congratulations again on you marriage, and I wish you much happiness together!
I was in the same situation. I was waiting until my wedding night (also because of being a Christian and raised taught that you wait until marriage) but my husband had been with others before (mistakes he wishes he could take back). I'm going to be honest, our wedding night was not what either of us expected. It just didn't happen. It was actually half way into the honeymoon before it did. One night I just started crying because I felt like there was something wrong with me. I really think part of it was just a mental thing. My whole life I was taught sex is something for when you are married so DON'T DO IT! Well now I could and I had to let myself cross that line that I never could cross before.
Then one time it finally did happen! It wasn't always easy after that. There were times again when we just couldn't make it work. Now all of that is pretty much in the past and we have no problems now.
I had never been told that this might happen. I just expected it all to be easy and natural. So just know that if it doesn't happen or isn't what you expected, don't worry. It will happen and it gets so good. I am so glad that I waited for my husband, that is something I would never trade for anything!!
I totally agree with those who say you should talk about your expectations for your wedding night ahead of time - and I would say this talk should go beyond the "consummation" and cover everything that you are expecting for the whole night, like when you leave the wedding, etc.
My husband and I did not have a "grand exit" after our wedding, since we got married outside a B&B where we were also staying that night. So we were hanging out outside with some of our friends towards the end of the evening. A lot of people had left and we were standing around the bonfire, and I was starting to get antsy to get away with my new husband to our room for some snuggling, etc. before we were both too tired. But he was not showing any signs of wanting to leave the party. In fact, he was sort of drunk and yukking it up with his friends about, of all things, the Razorbacks (we are not from Arkansas nor are any of our friends, so it was totally random). I, on the other hand, had not gotten drunk because I wanted to be aware of and able to remember everything that happened on our wedding night. My girlfriends who were still there at that point sympathized with me and were trying to help me come up with ways to drop hints to him that I was ready to go, but he was completely oblivious. Finally I just had to be blunt and tell him it was time for us to go. When we got up to our room he started sort of drunkenly pawing at me, and I was totally annoyed and hurt. It was really hard for me to get in the mood to have sex with him when I was so annoyed! I wished we had made a plan ahead of time for how we would leave the party, talked about how much we were going to drink, etc. Looking back at it now I can laugh (and we both laugh whenever we hear anything about the Razorbacks), but I still wish things had gone differently on our big night.
Good luck - just be sure to talk about your expectations and you will be fine!