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Wills & kids (long)
DH and I are starting to talk about doing up our will before LO is here. He has godparents but I don't and that's not traditional in my family, so I don't think we'll be going that route. I'm really struggling with who I would want to take care of Emily if both DH and I passed away.
One option is our parents. However, mine are 68 & 58 so I'm not sure it's fair to expect them to take care of an infant, young child, etc.
The IL's are quite a bit younger but I have a few qualms about that as well. They're not good with their money at all. Like nothing horrible like bankruptcy, but I know they live beyond their means and they don't have much to show for it. DH is the only normal child that has come out of their relationship. His younger brother is more interested in befriending 40+ women than dating a girl his own age. He's only 23 though, so no rush, but still - it's kind of weird. And he still lives at home, but works a lot and goes to school.
MIL struggles with some depression and really lacks motivation for everything but getting up and going to work. So DH's little sisters have grown up thinking it's normal to just lay around the house doing nothing in their free time. They're both very quiet and kind of social introverts. They both seem to lack real ambition besides graduating and going to the local CC to get their AA's. No clue what either of them have planned after that.
We've talked about my brothers, but one already has 3 kids and my SIL is a SAHM, which works for them but I'd feel like I was imposing. My other brother and SIL are definitely in the running, but they live in MO and I don't know if they'd feel comfortable with our plans given that they will likely not be very close to Emily at all.
So I'm kind of stuck. I'm inclined to name the IL's guardians just because they're close and will be very involved in LO's life, but the other things still worry me.
What do you think? Is there something I'm not thinking of? What did you do?
Re: Wills & kids (long)
We haven't done any of this nor started thinking about it, so I am not 100% sure what we will do. I'm in a situation where both sets of our parents are local to us, both aunts/uncles are local as well...which is going to be tough in and of itself - who out of them to choose g-d forbid..
If I were in your shoes, if me and MH's best/most comforting choice is one of my brothers, regardless of where they live, I would want totalk to them about it.
You could also discuss this with your ILs and/or your parents.
Wish I had more advice
It's not a fun conversation or situation.
For now it will be my parents. They are 51 and 53. I contemplated my siblings, but choosing between them would be tough. My sister's son is Nate's age - is that good or bad? My brother is better off financially. Either of them would raise Nate with similar values as ours. But, neither of them would be able to really teach him his Kenyan heritage. My brother could afford to take him on vacation to Kenya. My sister knows Rodgers better than my brother (she introduced us) and would be able to impart a little more Kenyan culture. We haven't even considered Rodgers' side because they all have more kids than they can afford anyway (he has said that we would have more than enough work to do if we opened the orphanage and invited his sibs to bring us their extra kids).
What we have to figure out is if "it" happens while we're in Kenya - then what?
This is a situation that has always been on our minds, because both sets of parents are in their 70s and neither of us has any siblings, so we talk about it all the time and we don't even have kids yet.
I think I would talk to you ILs to see if they're even up for it. I would also talk to your brothers, if one of your SILs is a SAHM that might be a good option, and you never know they might be willing to do it, even with 3 kids.
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We should probably get our will completely drawn up before H deploys...I need to do that next time I go to CO.
My parents will be JJ's guardians if, heaven forbid, something happen to the both of us. It didn't take much convincing on my part to get H to see that leaving JJ in the care of MIL would not be the best idea. Ever.
I agree with Vikki - maybe talk to your ILs to see. We had this discussion before JJ was born with my parents, and they're all for it. I hope you guys find a solution!
We chose my parents for guardians of Robert.
We chose them for a variety of reasons and it was something DH & I easily agreed on together. From their locations to the stability they will be able to give our son, I know they are the perfect people.
We haven't set ours up yet, but we discussed it.
I liked how my parents had it arranged for my brother and I.
We both had religious "God Parents" However....
Aunt T (mom's identical twin) & Uncle B were designated to be our guardians if something happened to my parents.
Aunt Mary however was in charge of our financial estates and matters.
This way there was always a system of checks and balances.
Hmm, I like this. IL's could have physical custody so she wouldn't have to move across the country, change schools and all that. Then my parents could be in control of the finances. That's my main concern. I know that the IL's would take her in a heartbeat if something happened to us, it's just the way they handle their finances that scares me.
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