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S/O- Calling non-family by family names
Is it ok for people to refer to themselves as part of someone's family, if in fact that family doesn't consider them close enough to be called family?
I had a friend who has a very awkward situation with his nephew and his sister's friend. She was an ex of his, and about a year after they broke up, his sister became friends with her. The sister then became pregnant and this friend referred to the baby as her nephew, and herself as an aunt. All the rest of the family refused to call her by any family name and despised the friendship between the sister and the friend because of the nasty break up between the brother and the friend. Even the sister told her it wasn't appropriate to refer to her family in such terms because of her history with the brother and her family's opinion of her. But she refused and continues to refer to herself as an aunt and the child as her nephew to this day.
Is that behavior acceptable?
Re: S/O- Calling non-family by family names
I actually think it is the parents call what to call the kids if it's not an intact relationship.
Also, in the case of friends, I have friends who have their kids call me "Auntie Wahoo," but I don't say they are my nephew.
That being said, we call BILs ex-wife "Aunt Betty." She and BIL were married when dd was born (divorced by the time ds was born), but we still have a relationship. The only awkward part is when BIL and his current gf (of many years) is around his ex and we call the ex "aunt" and his gf we call by her name (we would call her aunt Margie, but that is too much committment for BIL to handle).
I think it's up to the parents what they want their kids to call people. When I was a kid, I never really called aunts and uncles by that title, just by their first names. I asked DH what he did as a kid and he said he sometimes used the title and sometimes did not.
But, really, I think the whole labeling concept is way overblown. Saying that you are some kid's aunt basically means that you are related to someone that had a kid. In other words, you personally have done NOTHING in the way of pregnancy or birth or financially/physically/emotionally raising a child. Why does there need to be some sort of honorable label attached to it? That just seems so freaking self serving.
Thank you guys, after reading that post I was unsure.
Lol to Wahoo's BIL's fear of commitment, that is damn hilarious.
It is self-serving Zest, especially in this case because when the kid started to talk and learn people's names she refused to go by anything other than Auntie N from the kid. Putting that situation aside I don't think titles and labels really matter when it comes to kids anyway because kids label and nickname the important people in their life based on their own image. Like I have a friend that's kid refers to me as honey because I always would call her over by saying "Honey c'mere."
Check us out
For us (and I stress my DH and I only), we are raising our kids to say Miss and Mr Last Name for people who are just aquantences and Miss and Mr First Name for friends as signs of manners and respect.
However, we also would like to have a special term of endearment for those people who we are closer with, but still keeping the touch of manners and respect. By doing so, there is a reminder that my children need to MIND/Listen to this adult too.
Using the terms Aunt or Uncle (we are using tante and onkel, since we are trying to teach DD and SS german) is that solution for us.
I like the names you are using Illumine, esp the part about teaching your kids German. (DH's family did that a bit, but with Hebrew.) I'm totally fine with parents coming up with different labels/titles, the part I object to is someone else saying what label they deserve.
The "honey" story is very cute BTW.
Ilumine, I like the creativeness of using german family terms for terms of endearment. It gives it a flavor that is fun for the kids to use. And it makes it easier for the kids to see the german language at work, which can be hard if the language you are teaching isn't your first and the aren't around people fluent in it. My bf's uncle is a Linguistic by trade and he says the most important part of learning a new language is having someone to speak it with in real time and applying it to your personal life.
Thank you, Zest. It's funny how my whole family calls people by nicknames more than family terms. But Honey is my favorite by far because of how special that little girl is to me, and vice versa.
Check us out
In the reverse, we had GOOD friends start referring to us to their DS as "Mr. and Mrs. Last Name". That was a big old "no" from us. I want to respect their desire to go formal, but at the same time, no one elses kids in our group did that and we just aren't formal people - I don't want to be called "Mrs. Last Name" by a child of people I'm supposedly really good friends with. It just didn't feel right. Miss first name is fine, just my first name is fine. But not last name....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10