October 2010 Weddings
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WWYD: Awkward

One of our hs friends gave out DH's to another hs acquaintance (Bob) who works in financing. So Bob calls DH saying he works for an investing & life insurance company, does DH have retirement fund sent up (no), what are our financial goals, etc.  All of these questions out of the blue.

DH being the dear guy that he is (note sarcasism, DH just hates confrontation) tells Bob, actually Hannah is the planner and main budgeter.  She makes the plans and runs them by me. DH gives Bob my #.  Bob calls several times and I finally call back and say I have life insurance (I feel like this is where it's going b/c my sister worked at Bob's company for a summer internship and hated trying to call people selling insurance so she quit), 401K, etc.  He says, well I'm wondering if there's anything I can do for you guys b/c I know you're saving for a house and DH is investigating retirement options. He sends me an email this week asking for specific finanical info and to talk at the end of this week.

 We're not at all interested in his help at this time (and honestly I don't think in the future bc we know others who work for same company we'd rather work with if we did decided to invest there at some point).

Is it okay/cowardly to respond to Bob's email and say, we've discussed it and appreciate your help thus far, but we're just really not at a point where we're interested in your help?  Or WWYsay?

Re: WWYD: Awkward

  • Two things:

    1) Every time I write the word awkward, I have a mental argument about whether there are two w's or just one.  Random.

    2) I would just thank him for his offer, tell him you guys are investigating all of your options, and will be back in touch should you require his services.  Hopefully he won't keep pushing the issue after that.  If he does, then he's just one of those salesmen that doesn't get the point (translation - totally does, but is annoyingly persistent).  At that point, you can be pushy right back.

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    Megan & Chris
  • I think the response you are thinking of giving is fine.

    But coming from my world I have to tell you that even if you don't want to work with him, you two better get your behinds moving on talking to someone!! 

  • imagekearstin1218:

    I think the response you are thinking of giving is fine.

    But coming from my world I have to tell you that even if you don't want to work with him, you two better get your behinds moving on talking to someone!! 

    Can you go into detail?  I know we've discussed a little bit previously...but what do you mean by this?

  • imageMC22:

    Two things:

    1) Every time I write the word awkward, I have a mental argument about whether there are two w's or just one.  Random.

    2) I would just thank him for his offer, tell him you guys are investigating all of your options, and will be back in touch should you require his services.  Hopefully he won't keep pushing the issue after that.  If he does, then he's just one of those salesmen that doesn't get the point (translation - totally does, but is annoyingly persistent).  At that point, you can be pushy right back.

     

    Ha ha, I agree on both of these points!  Tell him once nicely that you are not interested.  If he pushes, be a little less nice.

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  • imagenfp147:
    imageMC22:

    Two things:

    1) Every time I write the word awkward, I have a mental argument about whether there are two w's or just one.  Random.

    2) I would just thank him for his offer, tell him you guys are investigating all of your options, and will be back in touch should you require his services.  Hopefully he won't keep pushing the issue after that.  If he does, then he's just one of those salesmen that doesn't get the point (translation - totally does, but is annoyingly persistent).  At that point, you can be pushy right back.


    Ha ha, I agree on both of these points!  Tell him once nicely that you are not interested.  If he pushes, be a little less nice.

    Agreed. On both (all three, now) points.  

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  • imagenfp147:
    imageMC22:

    Two things:

    1) Every time I write the word awkward, I have a mental argument about whether there are two w's or just one.  Random.

    2) I would just thank him for his offer, tell him you guys are investigating all of your options, and will be back in touch should you require his services.  Hopefully he won't keep pushing the issue after that.  If he does, then he's just one of those salesmen that doesn't get the point (translation - totally does, but is annoyingly persistent).  At that point, you can be pushy right back.

     

    Ha ha, I agree on both of these points!  Tell him once nicely that you are not interested.  If he pushes, be a little less nice.

     This exactly.

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  • I agree with Kearstin, I think that your response is fine and I think that she was referring to getting Ben life insurance and starting him a 401K. Correct me if I am wrong Kearstin :) 
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  • imageBoynton1286:
    I agree with Kearstin, I think that your response is fine and I think that she was referring to getting Ben life insurance and starting him a 401K. Correct me if I am wrong Kearstin :) 

    That's what I assumed, but wasn't sure...my company's life insurance policy covers us both, although it's based on my salary and considering I've been here only ~2.5 yrs, it's something, but not a ton.

    And DH has decided on a 401K plan/company, but needs to act on it.  Grrr.

  • imagehz80408:

    imageBoynton1286:
    I agree with Kearstin, I think that your response is fine and I think that she was referring to getting Ben life insurance and starting him a 401K. Correct me if I am wrong Kearstin :) 

    That's what I assumed, but wasn't sure...my company's life insurance policy covers us both, although it's based on my salary and considering I've been here only ~2.5 yrs, it's something, but not a ton.

    And DH has decided on a 401K plan/company, but needs to act on it.  Grrr.

    That's exactly what I meant. 

    Although your company offers insurance, it sounds like it's one-times-salary, which not to scare you, is one of the biggest traps people get into.  If you pass, would your husband be alright with bills and daily living, based on that one time amount?  Unless you're making a shitton of money, the answer is always No, he would not be ok.  Also, you said it covers you both?  So, if he passes, would you be able to survive on that one time amount?  There's a reason the minimum standard in our world is $500,000 term these days.

    I'm very happy to hear he's decided on a company, but that doesn't earn him money for later on in life, ya know.  Keep on him about it, without being annoying that way he still wants to do it lol

  • imagekearstin1218:
    imagehz80408:

    imageBoynton1286:
    I agree with Kearstin, I think that your response is fine and I think that she was referring to getting Ben life insurance and starting him a 401K. Correct me if I am wrong Kearstin :) 

    That's what I assumed, but wasn't sure...my company's life insurance policy covers us both, although it's based on my salary and considering I've been here only ~2.5 yrs, it's something, but not a ton.

    And DH has decided on a 401K plan/company, but needs to act on it.  Grrr.

    That's exactly what I meant. 

    Although your company offers insurance, it sounds like it's one-times-salary, which not to scare you, is one of the biggest traps people get into.  If you pass, would your husband be alright with bills and daily living, based on that one time amount?  Unless you're making a shitton of money, the answer is always No, he would not be ok.  Also, you said it covers you both?  So, if he passes, would you be able to survive on that one time amount?  There's a reason the minimum standard in our world is $500,000 term these days.

    I'm very happy to hear he's decided on a company, but that doesn't earn him money for later on in life, ya know.  Keep on him about it, without being annoying that way he still wants to do it lol

    I love this and you. Thanks!
  • imageMC22:

    Two things:

    1) Every time I write the word awkward, I have a mental argument about whether there are two w's or just one.  Random.




    I always draw out the W's in my head more than they need to be.

    Awwwwkwwwward.
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  • imagekearstin1218:
    imagehz80408:

    imageBoynton1286:
    I agree with Kearstin, I think that your response is fine and I think that she was referring to getting Ben life insurance and starting him a 401K. Correct me if I am wrong Kearstin :) 

    That's what I assumed, but wasn't sure...my company's life insurance policy covers us both, although it's based on my salary and considering I've been here only ~2.5 yrs, it's something, but not a ton.

    And DH has decided on a 401K plan/company, but needs to act on it.  Grrr.

    That's exactly what I meant. 

    Although your company offers insurance, it sounds like it's one-times-salary, which not to scare you, is one of the biggest traps people get into.  If you pass, would your husband be alright with bills and daily living, based on that one time amount?  Unless you're making a shitton of money, the answer is always No, he would not be ok.  Also, you said it covers you both?  So, if he passes, would you be able to survive on that one time amount?  There's a reason the minimum standard in our world is $500,000 term these days.

    I'm very happy to hear he's decided on a company, but that doesn't earn him money for later on in life, ya know.  Keep on him about it, without being annoying that way he still wants to do it lol

    I'm pretty sure Jason would consider having me killed off for $500,000 lol jk maybe? lol  At my old job it was 3x my salary (which wasn't much to begin with) but he said at least he'd be able to buy a sweet new car and put a nice size down payment on a small house...he's so romantic

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  • Xan.. when we first got our insurance on each other I may or may not have asked Mike if I was going to "disappear" on the honeymoon or something lol

    We have 1MM in term and 500K in perm on each other.

    I know, I know, I'm the crazy insurance lady.. sorry!  But he and I are both in this world and have been since our early 20's so we are natural advocates for it now. 

    A little back story.. my first position was part time receptionist and one of my very first calls was an old man who had just lost his wife and wanted to claim on her life insurance.  Turned out they hadn't paid in a few years and let it lapse.  The man was absolutely devastated so at age 22 I was shook to my core about how important it really is to everyone.  People sometimes forget that their life insurance is NOT for them, it's for the people they leave behind.

  • imageXan921:
    [

    I'm pretty sure Jason would consider having me killed off for $500,000 lol jk maybe? lol  At my old job it was 3x my salary (which wasn't much to begin with) but he said at least he'd be able to buy a sweet new car and put a nice size down payment on a small house...he's so romantic

     

    Most financial experts recommend at least 10x your annual income of term insurance.  Think about it this way...if you invest in good mutual funds with a strong track record, an 10% annual return is a typical average. So take out funeral costs and other immediate expenses, if you are able to invest the rest then you basically can withdraw 10% each year and never touch the principal.  So you can continue to have the same income to maintain your standard of living, for the rest of your life.

    Now back to Hannah and the OP.  Often with those who have a "hard core sales" personality you have to get "hard core" in the way you tell them you aren't interested.  It's not rude to tell him you aren't interested.  It's rude for him to continue pushing after you tell him no.  So yeah...tell him you're not interested.

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  • imageerindworley:

    Now back to Hannah and the OP.  Often with those who have a "hard core sales" personality you have to get "hard core" in the way you tell them you aren't interested.  It's not rude to tell him you aren't interested.  It's rude for him to continue pushing after you tell him no.  So yeah...tell him you're not interested.

    Thanks, I emailed and said: "Ben and I have been doing some search and had some discussions.  At this time, while we thank you for your help, we are not interested in pursuing an kind of coverage or investing, etc with (his company).
     
    Thank you again for your help, and we'll keep your contact information in mind for the future."

    His reponse along the lines of:  what changed since we last talked (uh, I was completely caught offgaurd when we initially talked when you called out of the blue) and can we still talk?

    Aye-yei-yei (haha sp?)

  • imagehz80408:
    Thanks, I emailed and said: "Ben and I have been doing some search and had some discussions.  At this time, while we thank you for your help, we are not interested in pursuing an kind of coverage or investing, etc with (his company).
     
    Thank you again for your help, and we'll keep your contact information in mind for the future."

    His reponse along the lines of:  what changed since we last talked (uh, I was completely caught offgaurd when we initially talked when you called out of the blue) and can we still talk?

    Aye-yei-yei (haha sp?)

    Ugh!

    Chris and I talk about this often.  I used to be in sales, and he is in sales now.  To us, building a relationship with the customer first is FAR more important than asking for the sale over and over and over again.  It builds trust, and then they know you aren't out to just make money off of them.  Sure, we've probably lost a few sales in our day, but we both feel like we've gained customers (people like us!)  because we don't do stuff like this guy is doing.

    Sorry you're having to deal with that!

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    Megan & Chris
  • imagehz80408:

    His reponse along the lines of:  what changed since we last talked (uh, I was completely caught offgaurd when we initially talked when you called out of the blue) and can we still talk?

    Aye-yei-yei (haha sp?)

    I would just tell him that you're not comfortable working with a friend in this particular area, and that you prefer not to blend the line between friendship and really important financial sh*t. But that if you hear of anyone looking for a financial advisor, you'd be happy to pass along his contact info. And then refuse to engage anymore. If he responds again, say, "Friend, we've already discussed this. We're not interested."  And change the subject.

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  • imageead1975:
    imagehz80408:

    His reponse along the lines of:  what changed since we last talked (uh, I was completely caught offgaurd when we initially talked when you called out of the blue) and can we still talk?

    Aye-yei-yei (haha sp?)

    I would just tell him that you're not comfortable working with a friend in this particular area, and that you prefer not to blend the line between friendship and really important financial sh*t. But that if you hear of anyone looking for a financial advisor, you'd be happy to pass along his contact info. And then refuse to engage anymore. If he responds again, say, "Friend, we've already discussed this. We're not interested."  And change the subject.

    Good call.  I'll talk with DH and try to take this approach
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