Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm new but...
My SIL just drives me right up the proverbial tree. We (DH's side of the family) were talking about our son one day last week and how much he's progressed since he was born. My MIL was saying "he's grown so much and he's making excellent progress for being premature" and things like that when my SIL had the nerve to tell me that my baby was premature because I didn't do enough to stay healthy. DH got up from the table and it looked as though he was going to kill her. Thank God my FIL told her that her input wasn't asked for nor was it desired. So for my birthday (this past Wednesday).....she sent me a card with two cents and said "I'll put this in whenever I so desire to and if you have a problem with it then you can file for a divorce and get the f*** out of my family" My MIL saw it sitting on the table the other day and called her daughter to tell her she's not welcome around her house or my house. After she hung up the phone she gave me the biggest hug and honestly, it helped a lot, but then my SIL sent me a 7 page text message cussing me out for getting her thrown out of family gatherings. Last night she broke into our house and completely trashed the place...right down to the Polish Pottery my grandparents had gotten DH and I when they were on vacation. We just rescued a dog last weekend...I should have known something was up when she greeted us at the door (We had just locked the baby gate and had her staying in the mud room/kitchen while we were out). DH and I REALLY want to press charges, but at the same time, we really don't want to start any more family drama. Thoughts?
Re: I'm new but...
First off, Welcome! Glad to see another Knottie!
As for the SIL Drama, sorry to hear about it. You can pick your Husband, you can't pick his family. But that's the beauty of creating your own! His sister is a part of his family of origin, but she's not a main character in his newly created family... Your Family. If you don't want her around your family, you have the authority to enable that. Hopefully it won't take a Restraining Order, but by the sound of it, unfortunately it may. If that's the case, she's brought it upon herself. You're a mom & your #1 priority is the safety & wellbeing of your child. If that means Restraining Order, so be it.
To be honest, with the whole break in the house & trash it bit... when you mentioned the new dog, I thought I was going to read that she fed it washer fluid & tried to poison it or something. Glad to hear that's not the case! Either way, for your Family's safety & peace of mind... talk to a lawyer & see what they can bring to the table. *By the way, I was happy to hear of your MIL standing up for you.*
She broke into your house and trashed it but you're wondering whether or not to press charges? Seriously?
If you know for certain it was SIL, hell YES you should press charges--she's caused the drama you're just showing her you will not put up with it.
Are you sure it was her? Do you have any evidence?
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry this is happening to you!! I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation. I understand not wanting to create more family drama (which is very mature of you) but IMO, something needs to be done. This girl sounds like she has problems. I guess I would talk to your ILs and see if you can come up with a solution. I would go to them first, and if it keeps happening than you can go to the cops. This is a really tricky situation, and I'm truely sorry this is happening to you! I guess the only good thing I can say about this situation is that your ILs and H both seem to be very supportive, which is good. What did H say about this?
GL with everything!
Press charges, assuming you can prove it is her.
If you can prove it's her, absolutely press charges. If you have the text saved I'd also show the police that & try to get a restraining order. There is obviously something wrong with her and if you don't deal with it, I'd be afraid of her next crazy move.
I know it's hard, but realize that you are not causing this drama, this is your SIL's doing. Your In-Laws seem to see her for what she really is- I'm not saying it will be easy, but I don't think they will blame you. Good luck.
Call the police, press the charges if you can prove it was her. Document and save all written contact she has given you, or does as time goes by. Contact a lawyer and start to piece together a plan of action from now on, describing what you will do if she gets worse. It is sad but you might have to get a restraining order. Be safe, she sounds BSC enough to do something that will put you, your DH or your kid in danger.
I am sorry you and DH have had to go through so much.
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Call the cops for sure, share your recent SIL troubles, and let them decide if it was her or not. You may need a police report for your home owner's insurance claim (if you plan to make one) anyway.
Regardless, the police talking to her will probably scare her enough that she'll cut it out, unless, of course, she has some sort of mental health problem. If that's the case, the intervention may be a blessing in disguise.
Yes I'm serious about wondering whether I should or shouldn't. It's not Joe's immediate family that's the issue, it's the others. They've all kinda fell off the wagon along the way and THEY'RE the ones I'm most concerned about. Retaliation definitely crossed my mind with it. And when we were on the way home from the restaurant I got a text from an "unknown number" that said "Hope you like what I did to the place" with her signature on it. DH called the police last night and everything's documented but they're giving us time to decide on charges. Hubby wanted to right from the start but also said "I don't want to make a decision out of anger" He wanted to try to talk to her about it, but she won't call back.
Then by all means press charges, let the police figure the rest out--that's their job.
I can understand not wanting to make a decision out of anger, but she just upped the ante--if you don't do something now, what will she do next?
It does sound like you're going to need a restraining order and legal assistance on this one, regardless of whether or not your IL's are on your side.
She started the drama and you can put an end to it by pressing charges. Protect yourself and be on guard.
Wanted to add if that is your real name you might want to get another nest account and screen name.
He wants to rationalize with an insane person? Good luck with that.
Press charges already.
Install an alarm system on your home. You need to know if this little ray of sunshine attempts to do this again. I hope she does not have keys to your home, or access to your IL's keys, if they have them. I suggest changing the locks if you think there's a chance she has access to keys.
Seriously, press charges and get a restraining order against her. She sounds unstable and like she easily flies off the handle and makes irrational decisions. If the family doesn't understand why you would want to press charges after she breaks into your home, trashes it, and sends you hateful and threatening messges, they're crazy.
Sorry you're going through this, but glad you and your H are ok and your dog is ok!
You will need a police report for insurance purposes. Call the police, have them make a report and do a thorough investigation. If your SIL has done this, the truth will come out. Given that things were just destroyed and nothing stolen, it seems most likely that it is a personal attack, not a random robbery. Take lots of pictures for yourself so that when she tries to make light of it later, you have proof of the damage.
The woman is crazy. And possibly a criminal. She isn't rowing with both oars in the water.
This. You won't be reimbursed for damages if there is no police report. Plus, the police will do an investigation. They will probably look up the text, and find out who the phone number belongs to. If it's a friend of your SILs, you can bet they will rat her out so that THEY will not be the ones getting fingerprinted!
Do you share a home with your ILS in something like a two family home? If so, get your locks re-keyed so that this can't happen again. Honestly, you do not want a crazy person with access to your home, pet, and child! If you live with your ILS, it's time to move out so that you and your family can be safe.
I would most certainly be filing a police report and talking to the police about pressing charges; and I would also be getting a restraining order.
Yes. Press Charges..... this woman is crazy. You need to press charges and file a report with the police for the safety of your child. The safety of your child is not something to waiver on....
Best of Luck....
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Thank god you have so many supportive people around you willing to help you through this process. Most of the time I suggest leniency but you cannot risk safety here because of your kid and her lack of boundaries. Good Luck and I hope everything goes smoothly.
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You've already gotten plenty of smart tips from others. I will echo the need to press charges.
And kudos to your H for wanting to press charges. You need to do that AND follow through with the restraining order.
I know you mentioned some concern about retaliation from people in the family. You take the following stance: All you know is that someone broke into your place. You called the police and they do the rest of the work. You don't need to tell them every nitty-gritty detail and the likelihood is pretty good that she's bragging about it to anyone who will listen.
I really can't understand why YOU are the one who's holding up the decision to press charges. One would think it would be your H. That it isn't tells me that his sister has had this coming for a long time and he's neither upset or surprised at the outcome.
Stop being a people-pleaser. I'm pretty sure this is where this indecision of yours is coming from. "Oh, no, its totally fine that I don't feel safe in my own house! Hahaha! Family comes first, and all that!" It is time for you to start standing up for yourself and your family and sometimes that means stepping on people's toes. You want to know why SIL feels she can push you around? Because you let her. This isn't a slam against you, please don't take it that way. I just mean that people will treat you how you let them treat you. You have to put a stop to it NOW and that includes pressing charges.
Hell, even the rest of the family knows she's nutty.
Are you seriously asking this?
Yes, call the police and press charges.
Ditto!
Oh my God.
Press charges. Get a restraining order. Do whatever you have to do. Take pics of the damage she caused and give them to the police. What if years later down the road when your child is old enough to stay home alone she pulls the exact same crazy crap and your child is harmed? What if she had harmed your dog? If you remove yourself and your new baby from the situation there won't be any more drama because you will have gotten out of it. She is a nutcase and obviously there are no limits to what she will do. If she is crazy enough to break into your house, think of what else she might be capable of.
Also if I were you I'd start researching ways to make sure people don't get into my house. Change the locks and have an alarm system installed, keep a lamp on so it looks like you're home, whatever. This is really important especially now that you have a baby to protect.
Just found this thread and I'm happy to read this update. I'm in shock at your SIL and I think that you should do what all the nesties on here have already suggested - file charges, change your locks and keys, get an alarm system and get a RO. This lady is nutso and you need to protect yourselves.
If it gets worse and you're able, I'd seriously consider moving and not letting her have your new address. If you own, that'd be tricky, but if you're renting it might be easier. Regardless, I'm sorry you're going through that.
Also, if this is your full real name, consider changing your username. There's all kinds of crazies out there, online as well as in real life (as you well know).
Good luck!!
uh YEAH. exactly. she went into your home- where you, your husband, son, and dog reside and committed acts of violence- actual CRIMINAL offenses - in a place where your son, and everything you hold dear sleeps. that is one place that should never be violated in such a fashion.
you already lost some things that meant a lot to you. whats next? she comes into your house while you're sleeping, trashes it, and takes your kid, too? right? or hurts your dog? will you hesitate to press charges then as well? also, by her breaking stuff (trashing the place), it creates a hazard not only for your dog, but also your child.
behavior like this only escalates. my jaw literally hit the floor that she did this. im floored. and also, you need to file a press charges as soon as f*cking possible. i can't believe she just went to off the wall batshitcrazy.