May 2008 Weddings
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what was your most controversial wedding choice?
whether it was a no children allowed reception and people were upset, or you opted out of a first dance... what decision did you make that ruffled feathers? if you didn't ruffle any feathers, what decisions did you make that went against tradition?
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Re: what was your most controversial wedding choice?
we went with a more 'cocktail party' atmosphere....we didn't have a sit down dinner and didn't have assigned seats. it was at my dad's house in the backyard and we had lots of tables that people could stand at and then also round tables with chairs for people to sit. i also opted out of a bouqet toss and garter stuff (the garter wouldn't stay on my leg!). mostly just did the dances and then it was a big party! and people LOVED it...i still have people tell me that they loved how it was. we had a ton of food so no one left hungry either
First time - absolutely nothing. Well we didn't have a DJ, we had a jazz band. That was as outrageous as it gets.
This time - its not controversial, but we're the first outdoor wedding that our pastor is doing. Ever. In over 40 years. He's very very religious and refused to marry anyone outside of a church. So I guess that's pretty controversial for him.
We did a lot of unconventional stuff: no bouquet/garter toss, no father/daughter or mother/son dance, no white dress, no seating chart, no theme or colors, no matching bridesmaid dresses, I'm sure there's more but I can't remember.
The only thing I can think that may have been controversial was that we only allowed children of the wedding party members to attend. If we had invited everyone's children, that would've easily been 30 extra people.
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No garter b/c my dress was so fitted I would have looked like I had a growth.
Probably the most unconventional thing is that the bar opened up before the ceremony (sort of on accident) so in the video you can see people sipping as we are getting married.
I wanted to do no kids SO bad, but my BIL had to bring his b/c they didn't want to leave them with someone while they were out of state. Then my cousin brought his so I ended up with three. The original two were good, but my cousin's child ran circles around my dad and I during the father daughter dance until I gave him the super stink eye and my aunt took him.
The chocolate cake. OMG, you'd think the world was going to end by the way our mothers responded to the choice of chocolate cake.
My MIL actually said "How are people going to know it is the wedding cake if it isn't white?" Bwahahahah! A giant cake, on its own decorated table, being cut and fed to each other during the reception...yeah...I think they'll know its the wedding cake.
Also, a lot of people thought it was controversial that we didn't do it in our home state and had a very small wedding (ie: not inviting everyone we could have). But, in the end, they all loved it.
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I/we did what we wanted in terms of the guest list. That is, some people single people were invited w/ guest, others weren't. Some children were invited, other people w/ kids, we didn't invite their kids. It was based on our closeness/relationships with the primary invitee. For example, my H's single cousin w/ gf (whom H is very close) was invited to bring a guest but my casual, single not dating friend was just invited solo.
As far as I know no one complained. And, Emily Post's disdain notwithstanding, if I had it to do over again, I'd do it exactly the same way. In my opinion, while all invitees are friends, our level of closeness isn't the same. It's not. Understand many feel all guests should be treated equally and I respect that opinion. However, I also think it's reasonable to make judgment calls.
What was I going to do, not invite our Neices and Nephews or "have to" invite, literally, over 200 children (H has over 25 adult cousins alone, most of who have children, so really, I'm not exaggerating on the # of kids). To me, that was madness.
The biggest "issue" was that we didn't get married in a church. Neither of us considers ourselves Christian, so I saw no need to pretend. To add insult to injury, we got married by a woman.. who wasn't any sort of ordained minister in the Christian faith. In the end, we had a lot of damp eyes, and everyone was saying it was beautiful.. But we couldn't get people to fathom the idea of no church! The other things that pist people off included: no kids (i was forced to allow my little cousin who ended up being a stand-in flower girl when I got annoyed with my bouquet), no cameras (I'm an epileptic, flashes give me seizures.. this apparently was insulting to some), I had a memorial table for J's mother and other loved ones who died complete with flowers, wine, and a piece of cake (how morbid!), and we didn't have a DJ.. we opted for a swing/jazz band.
No one made comment about the lack of throwing things.. But there were raised eyebrows with the food and dessert choices..