September 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Surrogacy
I caught a minute of Oprah yesterday. She had a couple on who couldn't have a baby (I missed the details on why), so they ended up using the woman's 60 year old mother as the surrogate. I found that extremely odd! She gave birth to her own grandson - weird, IMO.
This made me think though....how do you feel about surrogacy? Would you do it for a family member? A friend? A total stranger? Why or why not?
Re: Surrogacy
I think surrogacy is a wonderful gift that someone can give to a couple who are struggling to carry a child. I personally think that I would rather adopt than use a surrogate but that is just me.
I would do it but only for certain people; my sisters, my best friend and if the time came and if I was able to I would probably do it for my child if I was healthy enough and there would be no potential harm to the baby due to my age. I just look at it as something really wonderful you could do for someone that you love that needs help. I get a little iffy on the idea of a paid surrogate; probably too many bad lifetime movies about surrogates who try and steal the babies or become crazy and stalk the family. And then there's the movie Baby Mama which is hilarious but terrifying at the same time.
I have no problem with surrogacy personally. In the words of "Baby Mama" I think there's no wrong way to make a baby.
I always kind of thought I would be able to do it for a family member or very very close friend if they had major troubles but after having Nate, there's no way I could. I just don't think I could give birth and then give the baby away. Obviously I knew and wanted Nate and if I was a surrogate I would always know that it's not my baby but I just think that I would be way too connected and have a hard time with the whole thing.
I too think it's weird that the grandma gave birth to her grandson though.
:Blog:
I don't think I could do it, only because I get attached very easily. Yes I know it would not be my child, but being pregnant for 9 months and giving birth is a very emotional experience and I don't think I could handle it.
Not only that but what if God forbid something were to happen to the baby (miscarriage, or disability). Even if it was out of my control, I would feel awful that I would not be able to carry a healthy baby for the couple.
I think it's wonderful that women do this for others, but it's just not for me to do.
I have no problem with the concept of surrogacy for a couple who can't have their own children.
However, after carrying my own child, and building that emotional connection during those 9 months, it doesn't matter the reasons, or if the child wouldn't be mine -- having to let go after birth would just be too hard, too draining, and it's nothing I would want to put myself through.
updated 10.03.12
Don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong with being a surrogate or using one, I just thought this particular situation with the grandmother carrying the baby was a bit strange.
I would like to say that I would be a surrogate for a friend or family member, but not having been through the entire pregnancy and birth experience yet myself, it's hard to say. But still...I think I would.
I don't think I could ever do this for a stranger, though...or have a stranger do it for me. That would just be way out of my comfort zone.
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Hmmm that is a good point...I certainly wouldn't want that kind of stress. I'm worried enough carrying my own baby! Lol.
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Considering I'm having problems getting pregnant and carrying my OWN baby, I don't think I could even remotely consider carrying one for someone else.
I think I would rather adopt than use a surrogate, though. I could really foresee a surrogate arrangement becoming very emotionally involved and potentially messy and complicated.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
I agree w/ you Rach that the idea of a 60 yr old woman carrying a baby is a little strange.
But I have the idea of surrogacy a big
. If all parties are OK with the arrangement, then I see no problems with it. In general, I have no problem with whatever other people want/have to do to be happy, so long as it is law-abding. Live and let live.
For me personally though, no dice. While I don't have a problem with people using surrogates, adopting, fertility drugs/treatments, etc. to have a baby, CB and I are ethically opposed to anything but going to BC and seeing what happens. If we even have kids.
And there's no way I could be pregnant for someone else if I'm not even wild about being pregnant for myself....
I agree with this.
My standpoint on the whole issue is colored by the legal point of view. Legally, it is one of the riskiest possible things to do to have a baby. The only thing worse would probably be snatching the baby from someone else. Or cutting it out of someone else (that happened!).
Basically, even if you're the baby's genetic parents, by implanting in a surrogate, you make her the mother legally, because she gave birth. There's basically no provision that can make a surrogacy agreement completely binding, and even scarier, she can go after the biodad (aka your H) for child support. Also, she gets the $$ for just carrying the child. Nothing for handing it over, because it is illegal to sell children, and that is how it is seen in the law. So, if she carries the baby and doesn't want to give it to you, she gets your $$, your baby, and can sue for child support. It just seems like a no win from a legal standpoint to me.
The only way I'd do surrogacy myself is if my sister or one of my cousins were the surrogates. I think if you have known someone your whole life, it is a bit easier, also, if you will see the kids again, it seems like it could be better to feel like you're still a part of their lives.
We'd probably do adoption before exploring this.
Stand up for something you believe in.