Sex & Romance
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Fresh off the marriage boat and already have ZERO drive...

I need advice...I got married about a month ago and I am only twentyone. I have been with my husband coming up on four years now and we've known one another even longer.
It wasn't always like this...when we were younger (I'm talking like 17/18) we did it every chance we got. Almost two years ago, I got a severe bloodclot and ended up hospitalized. Ever since then, I have been on warfarin and will be for (more than likely) the rest of my life.
Ever since I returned home, I have had zero desire to have sex.
It is very, very rare that I ever WANT to do anything, but we still do it on occasion because he really wants to and I feel badly.
I am attracted to him (as attracted as one can feel when they absolutely can't ever be turned on...) and I love him more than anything. (obviously, because I married him.)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with our relationship other than this one issue.
Even on our honeymoon, I wasn't feeling it. We did it at least every other day and I tried to be excited about it, but now that we are married it is really bothering him.

We are both so young, I know it shouldn't be like this...but I have tried everything to no avail...Can anyone offer any advice? :(

BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Fresh off the marriage boat and already have ZERO drive...

  • Have you discussed this with your doctor?
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  • When I was on Warfarin due to a blood clot as well, it took a little hit to my sex drive.  You should definitely talk to your doctor about it.  I had to switch to Fragmin bc we wanted to TTC anyway.  Warfarin and coummadin are fatal to pregnancies.  My sex drive was also better too.  Horray!!

    Women also commonly get a little depressed after a wedding.  You have all this big buildup and it's suddenly over so that may be factoring into it.

    I know when I had my blood clot, it was the most scariest thing I've ever been through in my life.  That may be taking a toll mentally.  Maybe talking with a counselor can help.

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  • He has been begging me to talk to my doctor about it, but it just seems so awkward to talk about :( especially since I switched doctors recently and don't know this one very well yet...

    Then there is also the fear, that it isn't my medication at all...that it's just me or something. Then I wouldn't have any excuse...I would just be a terrible wife on my own.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You're not a terrible wife - you're a person who's trying to solve a problem.  You don't have to be buddies with your doctor to talk about sexual issues - sex is a bodily function, and doctors are there to help you make sure your body functions well.
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  • imageReturnOfKuus:
    You're not a terrible wife - you're a person who's trying to solve a problem.  You don't have to be buddies with your doctor to talk about sexual issues - sex is a bodily function, and doctors are there to help you make sure your body functions well.

     

    Agreed. I think there are very few things that make a doctor feel uncomfortable. Remember that it's an unusual thing for you to do, but doctors see multiple patients every day and have heard it all. It's his/her job to help you with whatever ails you. 

     As far as the sex goes, it's 100% understandable that your sex drive is low (or nonexistent), just don't give up hope!! Keep at it until you've remedied the situation, it's so worth it!

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  • Lurker weighing in-  one more vote to talk to your doctor.  He/ she won't bat an eye. (My sister is a doctor- this would be no big deal for her, or her colleagues, I'm sure.) If for some reason your doctor responded in a way that made you feel uncomfortable, find a new one.
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  • The best way is to talk to your Dr. Dr.s see and hear everything so you won't be telling him/her anything they haven't already heard before.  Besides, are you going to be telling them something they already know to be the truth?  That you want to have sex!!  Oh My!!!  Seriously, you are a newlywed, your young and in love.  They know you are having sex with your brand new hubby.  If you are not, then they WANT to help you out!!  Let them!!

     Try this and its gonna sound silly but it works.  Stand in front of a mirror and practice what you are going to ask your Dr.  Seriously, do it out loud, not in your head.  "Doc, I am taking warfarin and I think its affecting my sex drive.  Is there another drug I can take instead?"  Say it a few times and notice how the first couple of times you say it that it may sound like you are rushing through it and mumbling.  Then see how easier it gets the more you practice saying it.  Then, simply repeat it once you get to their office.

     Have you looked up the drug on the internet to see if other people have had the same side effect?   Tell your Dr. about your research too.

    I'll try anything once. Yes, anything, well almost!! :)
  • Another lurker chiming in..... are you taking birth control? Because this might have something to do with it, too... in which case you can try a different pill/method. I definitely agree, though, talk to your doctor about it. And if you're uncomfortable talking to a regular family doc, then make an appt at an OB/GYN office (you need to be getting pap and pelvics, anyway)... while I don't think ANY doctor would have a problem talking about this with you, you might be more comfortable talking to someone who talks about sex, babies, and v*ginas all day.

     Also, don't forget, that sometimes we just get into a rut. It doesn't mean that anyone is doing anything wrong... it just happens. This happened to DH and I, but you learn to accommodate.

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  • Birth Control can definitely have something to do with it as well. I was on the lowest dose for 2 years up until this month and within a couple days I noticed my drive coming back! Check with your doctor!!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • After having a blood clot, birth control is out of the question..so i do not take it. I have done some research and have honestly only found a few cases in which warfarin affected sex drive. It's not a super common side effect (but then, nothing else about my numerous conditions seems to be common either...)

    I know I need to talk to my doctor about it. Just trying to not be a baby about it...I liked the suggestion of specifically seeing an ob/gyno. I might feel more comfortable about that...especially, since I need to talk to one about other matters as well. We would like to have a baby at some point, but my condition will give me a high-risk pregnancy during which I'll need frequent checkups and daily heparin injections.. :( scary...

    LOL at the mirror idea. May work though?

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • by the way, what is  "Fragmin"? I have done a lot of reading into warfarin alternatives and haven't heard of this one? So far, "Pradaxa" is the only one I've found that may work with my condition (hughes syndrome) and it still isn't approved in the United States or anything other than atrial fibrillation...not to mention that no long term studies have been done.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imagemlwoo103:
    by the way, what is  "Fragmin"? I have done a lot of reading into warfarin alternatives and haven't heard of this one? So far, "Pradaxa" is the only one I've found that may work with my condition (hughes syndrome) and it still isn't approved in the United States or anything other than atrial fibrillation...not to mention that no long term studies have been done.

    Nevermind :) It is heparin. Not a good long-term option for me since it is subcutaneous...

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Definitely get your doctor to refer you to an endocrinologist, your hormones could be making you out of whack.  And there are other blood thinners out there, has your Dr. tried something besides the coumadin/warfarin?
  • As stated, there are very few options for me outside of coumadin (not because they don't exist, but because I will have to take whatever it may be for the rest of my life and I am only 21). Crossing my fingers for Pradaxa though!

    Going to make an appointment to talk to my doctor this week :) it's finally time I think

    BabyFruit Ticker
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