Sick Dog

loveablesarah · April 2011

My heart is heavy today. One of our dogs, Madison, is sick. She is our Boxer and she's 10 years old. She has lung/throat cancer. We've known for a while now, but it's getting to the point that we need to let her go. The problem I'm having here is that I'm ready (as ready as one can be), but DH is not. Admittedly she is more his dog than mine. He has had her since she was 6 weeks old (I came around when she was about 1.5) and she follows him everywhere (as do the other two). Don't get me wrong - I love her - but she is his dog. I'm having a hard time watching her suffer. She coughs all the time, she is wheezing and has a hard time breathing, even in a relaxed state. DH says "she looks okay" and keeps upping the dose of the cough suppressant the vet gave us, rather than facing what needs to be done.

He has said as recently as yesterday that it's getting to be time, but in the same breath he said he wants to try giving her more of the medication and see if that helps.

Part of me knows that I have to let him come to terms with this and do all of this in his own way and in his own time. Another part of me wants to slap him for letting her suffer. Anyway, I've committed to keeping my mouth shut and letting him do this his way - whether I agree or not. I wonder if that is the right thing.

Anyway, as hard as it is for me to watch her suffer, I know it's harder for DH to let her go.

Am I being supportive or am I enabling? Should I keep my thoughts to myself and let him handle this his own way? Is there a point I can call him on his selfishness. Is he being selfish? I've never had to put a pet down. Maybe I'm not seeing something. Maybe I'm being insensitive.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. A place to vent/cry/express my sorrow/frustration I guess. Suggestions on something nice to do for him or how to comfort him now/after?

thedutchgirl · April 2011

I'm so so so sorry that your dog is sick. Poor thing. As for what to do about your DH, well, that's a tough one. When our cat was sick, luckily DH and I agreed at the same time that it was time. I guess I think that when an animal is suffering, it is your obligation as the animal's "people" to do the right thing and end the suffering. Is Madison in pain? If she is, and it were me, I would definitely say to my DH, "DH, I know this is rough on you. But she's in pain. It is time. We have to do the right thing and end her suffering now. It is our responsibility as her people to make sure she's not ever in pain, and she is now. So we need to end her pain."

Some people have a really hard time facing when it is time. I think you need to say something to him if the dog is suffering and in pain. Yes your DH needs time to adjust, but at the same time is it fair to the dog for her to suffer while your DH does that?

GermanGirl2007 · April 2011

I agree with thedutchgirl. It is obviously SO difficult to let a pet go, especially after so long. But if it is to the point that she is not getting better, pumping more cough syrup into her system is doing nothing but prolonging the inevitable. If you were medicating her for HER sake, because she could get better, and live a longer, healthy, happy life, that would be one thing.....but it sounds like this is more for HIS sake.

I have had to let 2 dogs and a cat go, so I really truly know how hard it is. No amount of time will ever make it easier to say goodbye. Maybe he needs to feel like he did everything he could, so he is continuing to medicate her in hopes that she will make a turn one way or another, and he can feel justified. What has the vet said? I would maybe talk to your vet and get some advice and insight. Sometimes it helps to hear it from a "professional" that you aren't doing the wrong thing by letting the dog go. I know the vet can't advise you one way or another necessarily, but at least they can maybe reassure him that the medicine won't make her better, and that putting her down will end some of her suffering.

Either way this is really hard, so I am sorry you are going through it. Let us know what happens and how Madison is doing. You are in my thoughts!

GermanGirl2007 · April 2011

Also, I wanted to add that when our family dog Joey had to be put down, we had him cremated and got a nice urn for his ashes. We also hung onto his tags and collar and were going to make a shadow box of sorts, with pictures and whatnot. I think that it is really more symbolic than anything, but it sort of made me feel like he had secured a spot in our family, and he wasn't "just a dog." Perhaps something like this would make him feel better about it. Or maybe not. But it helped me when the time came.

littlemissflip · April 2011

The pp already gave the advice that I would have, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your dog. Whether death is untimely and unexpected, or at the end of a long, satisfying life, is just so hard to say goodbye to our pet friends.

MrsKizdoodle · April 2011

Broken Heart

It's such a TOUGH decision. :-( I'm so sorry to hear Madison is so sick. I think you should speak up and at least voice your opinion. You don't have to be bossy or make him feel bad, just say, "It appears to me that Madison is suffering. I know it's such a hard decision but please consider letting her go peacefully."

Aww man, I'm tearing up at my desk. My dogs are going to live forever...my dogs are going to live forever...

HUG.

sjb&apa · April 2011

I'm so sorry, I know this is such a tough choice. Others have given good advice, I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry your family is going through this.

jennyk213 · April 2011

I agree with dutchgirl. He probably knows deep down in his heart but it's still so incredibly hard to admit it's time. Obviously he loves his dog and maybe he just needs someone to remind him that the most loving thing would be to let her go so she's not in pain. My dog is 13 and I know she doesn't have a ton of years left. Just reading your post breaks my heart and makes me want to squeeze her tight and cuddle with her.

GermanGirl2007 · April 2011

MrsKizdoodle:

It's such a TOUGH decision. :-( I'm so sorry to hear Madison is so sick. I think you should speak up and at least voice your opinion. You don't have to be bossy or make him feel bad, just say, "It appears to me that Madison is suffering. I know it's such a hard decision but please consider letting her go peacefully."

Aww man, I'm tearing up at my desk. My dogs are going to live forever...my dogs are going to live forever...

HUG.

I tell myself this too....I can't even let my mind go there, or I start crying. Sad

ilovebijou · April 2011

I'm so so terribly sorry. Hardest.thing.ever. Have you been in touch with the vet where he could talk with your DH about quality of life for Madison? When our dog Bijou was sick we would go back and forth about when the time was right. She would have so many miraculous recoveries where she would bounce back so that was always in the back of my mind- that another recovery was coming. It is so terribly hard. One thing that helped me move in the direction of it being the right time was our vet telling us at one point that dogs rarely just pass on their own and they will try to hang on for you. If you do wait until they go on their own it is often a very painful process for them. Letting them pass peacefully before it gets to that point. (although knowing it's time is incredibly hard). Our vet also had us make a mental checklist of what we considered a good quality of life for Bijou. It sounds basic but it was good for me to really think about this. I definitely think our dog, Bijou, held on for us until our daughter was born and tried to make it as easy as possible on us even though her little 18 yo body was tired. Good luck.

anitalynn · April 2011

I am just reading this now - I am so sorry for the position you are in. I don't have any advice to add, just sending my good thoughts to you.

Sick Dog

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