Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
don't even know what to say
I just don't even know how to deal with my older brother anymore. He's a high strung drama llama, a complete narcissist, but incredibly lonely without mom now. I haven't wanted to talk to him, or even see him for the last few weeks. He just keeps pushing and pushing everything in my face and I can't take it. My way of dealing with it all is to not deal with it, immerse myself in whatever I'm currently doing, and pretend the bad stuff doesn't happen. His way of dealing with everything is to keep rehashing and rehashing everything over and over and over again.
I feel terrible that I'm all he has left, and I don't want anything to do with him. DH and MIL feel sorry for him, and are trying to make me invite him in. I promised my mother that I would take care of him, but I can't fulfill this. He just e-mailed me that he just went to the doctor's and it's not good. He's gained 45 pounds and his numbers are through the roof. He also said his depression and anxiety are worse than ever. I just can't help but worry that he's going to kill himself and it will be all my fault because I can't take care of him.
Ugh, but then a different voice in my brain wonders if this is just his new way of manipulating me.
Re: don't even know what to say
You can't take care of someone else's emotions. It's not anyone's job other than their own. He ought to be in therapy with someone and truthfully, if you are that worried he's suicidal, then you ought to encourage him to head to the emergency room where they can keep him overnight...or call the police about your fears (if they become accute). But you do need to let him know that you aren't able to be his sounding board - that this is what therapy is all about...and that it's not personal, but more your own inadequacies...it's just not your style of dealing. Best of luck!
Seriously - your brother is doing more harm than good in your life and each post you make is worse than the one before it. Why do you allow yourself to be surrounded by d-bag people who treat you like crap?
Just because he is your brother does not give him the right to treat you like crap. Are you in counseling still?
Vote for manipulation. He does this stuff b/c it works.
You aren't willing to completely push him out of your life, so decide how often you will deal with him. Maybe it is once a week? You only talk to him then and you only read his emails then. Have the rest of his emails go to a folder other than your inbox and don't take his calls, texts, etc during "bro-free" days.
My family is very much like your DH and MIL. They are co-dependant and complete enablers. I'm betting your h and his mom are the same. "Family" does not mean that you need to surround yourself with people who treat you like cr*p.
Stop bringing up your brother with MIL. It is none of her business. Stop talking about him with dh, as well. You know what will happen - your H will feel sorry for him. Find other friends or a therapist to share your feelings. In fact, it might be better that you TELL dh that you can't talk about your brother with him b/c you need someone who is on YOUR side, not your brothers. H's job is to support YOU, not his BIL. If MIL brings it up, tell her staight out "MIL, this is none of your business, please do not discuss it with me." If your H is a messanger "My MOM thinks you should...." tell him to please stop discussing your personal business with his mommy.
Your brother needs professional help. You CAN'T help him even if you wanted to. In fact, by keeping him close, you're preventing him from seeking the help he needs.