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Cass Update
First, Happy Anniversary girls :-) This year has gone by FAST...
BEWARE: Incoming vent?
ok, so I haven?t been around much so a quick update. We haven?t seen hubby?s son in over a year and the kid says he wants no contact-ever-anymore; we?ve moved from Germany to Alabama (Huntsville) (still waiting on our household goods to arrive); gone from a 2 income house to a 1 income house (hubby is staying home until we?re more settled in); bought a house and had it repainted and new carpet; my niece (ward) turned the wonderfully rebellious 14 and has been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) so that?s a wonderfully frustrating adventure?joy!; and I started my new job ? very busy, not much time to breath! And to say we're all stressed is the understatement of the century.
So today is our one year Anniversary. When we were still going to be stationed in Germany, our plan was to go to London or Italy for a weekend to celebrate. Instead we have NO plans, hubby put a card in my car late last night (so I?d find it on my way to work this morning) with a gift card?. To his sister-in-law?s favorite spa in another town that I?ve never been to, that closes by the time I get off work, for a ?mini-retreat spa day? but I haven?t gone to a spa the entire time I?ve KNOWN my husband and I?ve showed no interest in it lately either. And before you ask, no, I don?t ?hang out? with the sister-in-law either ? she?s a SAHM and I?m the career type. She sits in the garage drinking beer and going to little league games while I work 12 hours a day. I?m rating this gift right up there with giving someone a bowling ball sized to someone else?s hands.
I asked DH last night what the plan was or if he had any ideas for dinner (tonight). Since I?m the one that leaves for work at 6am and doesn?t get home until about 6pm, I was just trying to see if I should come home directly after work or if I could go to the plant nursery on the other side of town on the way home. He immediately came back with ?I was thinking TGI Fridays?. I responded: ?seriously??(no, I didn?t think first, I was trying to see if he was serious or if this was a joke ? from a London weekend to TGI Fridays? The same place that I've ended up braking up with a half dozen boyfriends in the past, the place that I always equate to the death nail of a relationship and I try to avoid like the plague). He got all twisted out of shape and extremely upset and started going on about how he didn?t understand what the big deal was ?TGI Friday?s is a sit down restaurant! I've not been in the States for 20 years, I don't see what the problem is!? OK, so at this point I was upset and thinking ?WTF just happened and WTH is going on? but since he got all upset, I was getting all upset so I snapped back and said ?Yeah? Hooters is a sit down restaurant pub type place too. I don't mind going, but that doesn?t mean I want to go there for our first anniversary! Just forget I even mentioned anything!? By the time we got home last night he locked himself up in the office and I spent an hour bawling in the shower and then went to bed without even eating dinner. I woke up and was out the door, as usual, before anyone else even started to wake up. Yep, this looks like a very ?happy anniversary? to me.
I?m not saying there?s anything wrong with some people going to TGI Fridays for their anniversary, but I just thought we?d go to a steakhouse or something a bit more upscale and ?grown-up? (where the average dress code isn?t flip flops and cutoff jeans like TGI Fridays is here) and more in line with 'romantic' or 'london weekend'. And the only explanation I can come up with for that gift was that the sister-in-law either bought it or told him what to buy. Why would he give me something that SHE bought or wanted and not something that was more ?me??
Sorry for the vent, I just have no one to talk to here, heck, I don?t even have any friends here in Alabama?this sucks. Am I so off base in thinking this was really WEIRD?
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Re: Cass Update
Cass! Welcome back! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. AND it also sounds like you are sort of in the same position I am with MH, stressed, out of touch, and tired!
Not quite sure what to tell you about the gift card. Maybe find some time to use it, say on a weekend?
Also, you should be happy with any time you can spend with your DH. If you hardly see each other, a meal at a restaurant just the two of you is a lot better than nothing. Maybe suggest to him some other place besides TGI Friday's or take the initiative and make reservations at a fancier place!
Hopefully you guys can work out the kinks and get back on the same page!
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OMG, Cass! I've missed you around here!
So sorry you're dealing with all this, but it sounds like a lot of big changes in a very short time. Maybe your H just doesn't realize how important this was to you and you're right, he probably did ask SIL what to get and figured every woman likes a spa day.
I'm happy you can come vent to us at least. And you may not have any friends in Alabama, but we're all here for you! I know what it feels like too because I don't have any friends where I live. It's me and DH, so I can imagine how lonely you must be right now.
(((HUGS)))
Oh dear, this is quite a lot to be dealing with on your first anniversary!
I don't think it's unreasonable to want to go somewhere more fancy than TGIFridays. I would be pissed if DH suggested that! It does sound like you guys might need to sit down and talk about what happened though. It sounds like there was a lot of emotion and lashing out, so I think a sit down with DH is in order. Tell him why you were upset and how important you want your first anniversary to be!
P.S. Glad you are back! We missed you!
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Hey! I'm glad to see you back!!
Sorry you've got so much on your plate! I know a couple of weeks ago we had an "is your DH romantic" question and many of the answers were something to the effect of "no I have to smack him on the head with what I want" I think thats probably something that many women face and I'm with you I like a massage but there are things I'd rather have other then that and I know its the go to every girl likes a massage gift.
I do agree Friday's isn't the most romantic place. I hope you can come to terms and find a nicer restaurant to eat at.
Cass!! So great to have you back! I'm sorry to hear it's been a bit of a stressful time for you, I hope things smooth out soon.
Regarding DH's choice of anniversary dinner locations, could you suggest you go there on a weekend date night so he gets to go (sounds like he wants to), and go someplace nicer today?
I agree w/PPs that he probably asked SIL what to get you, and I would take advantage of the massage! I am not a spa person, and actually still have a gift card from 3 birthdays ago sitting in my nightstand.
I hope you work things out for your dinner plans, and we are here and happy to talk and hear from you!!
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Cass, it's so good to hear from you, but I'm sorry that you have all this stuff to vent about. You did the right thing by coming here for some support
I totally get you on the TGIFriday's thing - that's a place I'd go to dinner with my friends, in high school, while walking around the mall. BUT I think you should sit down and talk to DH about it and come up with a plan that both of you were happy with. Maybe he just wanted to spend some time with you and didn't really put much thought into where it was. He's probably as stressed and overwhelmed by everything as you are, and maybe didn't have the energy to put much effort into it. I'm sure he's disappointed too about the change of plans. Not making excuses of course, but just wanted to try to understand where he's coming from.
As for the spa day, take a day off and USE it! You need it girl!!!!!
Good luck with everything and keep in touch...
Hi Cass, welcome back! I hope things calm down for you soon.
Here's an important thing to remember: most guys are clueless. All those soap opera images of prince charmings who do bold romantic gestures and sweep women off their feet? They pretty much don't exist, or if they do, they are extremely rare. With my husband, I pretty much have to send him a link to the gift I want and tell him which restaurant to make a reservation in, or our anniversary dinner would be burgers at Five Guys.
Yeah, the spa gift card may not be what you would want, but at least he took the initiative to seek someone's advice in what to get you. Most women like spas so he probably thought it was "safe", I'm sure he meant well.
Try to focus on the thoughtful things he does for you everyday. That is so much more important than him getting you the perfect anniversary gift or dinner at a 5 star restaurant. There are women out there who get diamond earrings and then their husbands cheat on them or treat them like crap... just sayin.
Welcome back Cass! Sounds like you guys have had quite a crazy year! We are always here for you when you need to vent and blow some steam. I don't know if you are looking for advice, but if you are, I would say to take some deep breaths and go talk to your DH. I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt you, and he needs to know your needs - he may have been blindsided by all of the other drama and major events going on in your lives.
In other news, how was the move? how's your new job? how's Alabama? What a crazy turn your life has taken!
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This exactly. Feel free to vent to as much as you want anytime you want.
::HUGS::
This! Hope you guys can have an enjoyable Anniversary, no matter where you go. The most important thing is you survived the first (sometimes called the hardest) year of marriage.
Cass! We have missed you! I hope your move/changes smooth out for you soon!
And I agree that its not unreasonable to expect something other than TGI Fridays! Hopefully you two are able to sit down and come up with something you will both enjoy!
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Cass!!!! Welcome back to the USA - a girl friend of mine lives in Huntsville!!
Sorry about the crappy day you had.
And everything else that's been biting you in the tush lately. I hope everything gets better for you SOON!!!! xoxo
Okay, first, WELCOME BACK!!! TO US AND THE U.S. - haha! : )
Okay, first, I'm am thinking more that since your hubby is sitting at home for a while until you get settled, perhaps he feels bad about booking a reservation at a fancy restaurant, so he was trying to suggest somewhere that wouldn't give him anxiety about spending a lot of money??? Also, Jeff and I went to a nice steakhouse....because I said that was where we were going, I made the reservation, and I specifically had to tell him that this was not a time that he could where a hat. Most husbands don't have a clue. They just can't help it. A lot of men are just dumb. Haha.
Just try talking with him about it. First, even though you weren't in any wrong, just throw out an apology for "getting so upset about it." A lot of guys get self-concious when a girl gets mad about them not knowing something they should just know. So they lash out, because they don't know any better. With a small apology like that, I find that Jeff will a lot of times open up to me about what was really wrong at that moment or what he was thinking when he suggested something that is just idiotic. I know I "attack" Jeff at times when I shouldn't, but I just can't believe he doesn't know certain things at this point in life, and after I do, he shuts down.
So you know, Jeff and I were fighting like CRAZY for the last few months before our anniversary. I don't know why. But now, after the anniversary, I just feel a new sense of security in our marriage. I can't explain why or how, I just do. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I finally made our wedding book on Shutterfly, and I included our vows on the last page. So, remembering some of that, makes a lot of the stuff we fight about just go away, and I'm so in love with him all over again.
What I might suggest, especially if it is an issue that he doesn't want to drop an extreme amount of dough at a restaurant, is you have a romantic dinner at home. Just the two of you...with sexy time after..haha!!!
Hey Cass, first off, welcome back and a {{{BIG FAT HUGE HUG}}}.
Everyone else offered great advice (and I agree re: TGIF's, though I'm sure your DH just doesn't get why it matters to you, cos he's a guy). I will only add this: cut yourself (and DH) some slack and remember that you've been going through a lot lately, what with the move from Germany to Alabama, starting a new job, losing an income, etc etc etc. They say the first year of marriage is super stressful in and of itself, let alone when you've got major life changes to deal with. I think we've all seen how that is, in one way or another.
Take a moment to breathe, reconsider the situation and think of how you wish it had all played out. Then go peek in on DH and suggest a do-over, and enjoy the time you can spend together! You guys will be fine!
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