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why am i a biitch for wanting something planned for me?
my bday is monday. my h is so lame about birthdays. you'd think i'd have made piece with this by now but i haven't. basically his idea of planning something is asking me what i want to do. we just had this discussion and he can't understand that i would love for him to say, "i've planned this day for us and here's what we are going to do." he says "but i don't want to plan something that you don't want to do." i said "well obviously i would tell you and we could amend the plan." he thinks the person should decide because it's "their" day. fine, but i don't want to plan my freakin birthday!!!
so he says fine. then i tell him i'd like him to put some thought into it. so he says, fine we'll go to the zoo. so i say, and then what? he thinks that should be enough since we will be getting takeout on monday (my actual birthday).
of course, we don't have a lot of money but it's not about that. i just want him to come up with a day and take charge. it's so frustrating. maybe i watch too much RHW, but i would just love to be swept off my feet. and not in a pricey way. is that too much to ask? like i said, i should just realize that's not my husband, but it still is disappointing.
Re: why am i a biitch for wanting something planned for me?
i don't think so.
he is not an assshole, i hope it doesn't come off like that. it just would never occur to him. and when i explain, i just don't think he gets it. he thinks we should do whatever i want to do. but it doesn't feel special when you have to plan every last detail yourself. it just feels like he puts no thought into it.
and i was really pissed off because he said, "well we never do anything special for my birthday!" um, that's because you won't let me plan anything. he never wants to do anything for his birthday but just relax and get takeout from his favorite restaurant. but that's his choice, not mine.
Yeah I get it. He doesn't come off as an ***, some people just don't like to plan stuff. I can get like that because I don't like making decisions for other people.
I know you don't want to plan it but maybe give him a list of things and say "I don't care what we do off of this list, but I want YOU to pick and plan the day".
IKWUM! H is like this. I've taken it upon myself to plan my brithdays b/c if I dont then nothing will happen. He just doesnt see birthdays as a big deal. He gets me a gift but thats about as far as he thinks about it. As far his birthday we are ususally on vacation!!
I don't think it makes you a biitch.
But, I do have a question. Did you mention to him at all that you'd like him to plan something to surprise you on your birthday?
I brought this topic up to H. I asked him if he would ever think to plan something for my birthday, without me telling him that I'd like him to plan my birthday events. He said that he might, on his own. I'm not so sure I believe his response. Now, normally we talk together and try to make plans with friends. Last year was the first exception since I was 38 weeks pregnant.
Heck, I feel lucky when he randomly brings me home a bouquet of flowers. I think him giving me a big surprise like this would really shock me.
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I can kind of see where he is coming from. He may be thinking, "Why should I put the effort into planning something if she is going to change the plans anyway?" It's like when I say to Hubs, "Where should we go for dinner?" And he starts suggesting all these places, and I say no to every one. So finally he says, "I'm not going to make anymore suggestions. Where do you want to go?"
I'm not siding with him on this. I think that you deserve to have something done on your birthday that you didn't have to plan. Maybe you can suggest a few general things you want to do, and he can plan the details.
Um super JEALOUS!!!!!!
I bought myself some tulips the other day and H said "What are those for?". B/C they are pretty and I like them!!
I didn't say it was often! I don't think I've gotten flowers yet this year, if that makes you feel better.
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BMW i did the same thing! pretty yellow tulips
MD, i'm sorry. sometimes i get depressy around my bday bc i feel like i go out of my way to do things for other and it's not always reciprocated. H does a good job...but this year i told him no party, no big hoorah. he complied and my bday was kinda boring
but...thats my fault. i hope you have good day. i'm sure he'll come through.
Definitely not bitchy.
I know this feeling all too well. In the 6 years we've been together, he's only bought flowers for me once. Our b-day's are a month apart and last year I threw him a party and made all the food but when it came to my b-day it was only the two of us and our moms. I can't tell you what else we did.
I would LOVE it if he would plan something for my birthday other than the same thing every year because it would be awesome to spend it with friends.
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I totally feel you Maryland. That's why this year I didn't bother with my birthday. I invited my BFF and her hubby over for dinner. I bought the ingredients and cooked, they brought a cake and it was nice. All I asked of hubby was to do the dishes.. which got done... 2 weeks later. I've gotten over the fact that I'm never going to get a romantic surprise. Sorry it's still getting to you
Hey.. maybe we can do something on the board! Pick a time, and we'l all sit around with our cocktails (or sodas) and celebrate you!