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Can I say no?
We will be traveling to my DH?s dad and stepmom?s house tomorrow to celebrate Easter a day early. They live about an hour away, so not too far. We will get there around noon or so. The thing is, my DH always wants to sleep over there. I honestly wouldn?t mind it too much if there was a place for us to stay, but they have one spare bed, and DH?s brother and wife get that room b/c they have three kids. That leaves us with a thin mattress from a pullout couch on the floor in their rec room. It might sound snotty, but I really just don?t want to sleep on the floor (I?ve done it before, and at that time I swore I?d never do it again), and I don?t see why we just can?t drive home. It?s really uncomfortable
DH says it?s because he likes to spend time with the family and kids, but we?ll be there the whole day. I?m pretty sure his dad and stepmom don?t care one way or the other, so that isn?t it. Am I wrong to say, ?no, I don?t want to do that?? I also think about the future and when we have kids?there certainly won?t be space for us then. I just like to come home after a long day, unless there is specific, necessary reason to stay.
~TTC Buddy to ebeneezer~
Re: Can I say no?
You can absolutely say "No." You can also Say "Sure." You have the ability to do as you please. But keep in mind, where there is Action, expect a ReAction. If you say no, will it cause a conflict with your DH? If so, is this really the hill you're looking for? Pick your battles... wisely.
*On a side note... family is something that I think we all tend to take for granted at times. This is one of those times where, I feel, you should be taking advantage of your time with them. Personally, if I had to sleep on the floor for a night to create amazing memories: Done.
Of course you can tell him how you feel. Actually, you *should* tell him how you feel.
I don't sleep on people's floors either. Nothing wrong with that.
~TTC Buddy to ebeneezer~
You're spending the entire day with them. How is that depriving him?
Take two cars, you can drive home when you are ready to, and he can sleep on the floor, if he wants.
Options:
- Say no and drive home that night
- Take two cars - he can stay and you go home
- Book a local hotel, sleep there that night and go back to their house for breakfast the next morning before you head back home. Or stay another night if you can take Monday off work, and turn it into a date weekend.
- Go to Target/etc. tonight and try to find a better air mattress. We bought a queen-sized air mattress at Target on sale for $20 and it's actually quite comfortable.
Where is the depriving bit? Breakfast?
You sound dramatic, like there is a huge loss. Is there?
If not, why are you not giving yourself permission to have a preference on the matter? Your husband is ASKING you. You don't want to sleep on a floor. Why can't you admit it sucks and not feel bad about it?
Or why don't you just say to your DH - "It's a thin mattress on a floor. I will NEVER want to do that. So stop asking, it makes me feel bad to keep saying no. Only ask if there is a really, really special reason and you don't mind parking me on the floor where I am uncomforable for the night. Because if a little extra time means that much to you, I will say yes and do it. Or drive my own car"
Honestly, I think your DH is being ridiculous. Your traveling there tomorrow and spending the entire day with In-Laws on Saturday, then he wants you to spend the night there on the floor, and then I don't know how long you will be there on Sunday. That is an awful lot of family time and togetherness for just Easter.
It's not Christmas or Thanksgiving. But even if it was, they only live an hour away, that is so close. What is the big deal about driving home so you can spend the night in your own bed, and drive back the next day? He would rather you be sore and uncomfortable and your back hurt so he can have his family time? Your DH sounds like he is being a douche IMO. It sounds like he does not respect or care about your feelings or comfort at all, he just cares about being with his family, and putting his family first.
Agreed!
I like this idea. I'm just going to tell him that I never want to do this...so that he won't bring it up each and every time, hoping I'll change my mind. I'm not trying to be dramatic...guess I'm worrying too much about what DH thinks and not about myself, when I should be.
~TTC Buddy to ebeneezer~
For many people, you know - Christians, Easter is a bigger holiday than Christmas.
OP - I agree with the poster who said to ask your husband to stop asking you as it makes you feel bad to say no. I would let him know that you have no intention of sleeping on a crappy mattress or floor. Or, I would look into purchasing a nice air mattress to bring with you.
Then he's tossing you under the bus and keeps asking you because he knows you'll give in. Time to tell him no. I think next time, you need to have a good, frank discussion with him about why you don't want to. If his parents only live an hour away, then he can spend time with them more often and NOT make you sleep on the floor. It's not like they're across the country or anything.
"Am I wrong to say, ?no, I don?t want to do that?? "
why would you even think that's wrong to say?
BUT you do need to compromise. Tell him the reason you dont' want to stay at their house (floor etc..) and tell him that if an hour is so terribly far to drive home to find a hotel near their house and you'll happily stay. you can't have it your way all the time "I just like to come home after a long day unless there is a specific necessary reason to stay' and he can't have it his way all the time. that 'specific necessary reason' thing seems just SILLY to me. He gave you a specific reason-he wants to spend more time with them. drop that part of your argument-it makes you sound petty.
you alternate-stay one time, dont stay the next. see if he's ok wtih that as well as a hotel.