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Struggling to forgive *f/u*
So, to those who posted, I thank you. Your kind words did not go unnoticed or unappreciated. Again, thank you.
I have been doing some research about the law & the statute of limitations in New Jersey (where the assault occurred). I was also offered by my counselor an opportunity to document/ report it, even if the statute has expired & as such, does not come into play in this case. If I do decide to go through with this, it would take some time to do this process & the situations of military protocol (he's in the NAVY) & my living across the country doesn't help as far as moving it along. But I have patience. It will be worth it in the end to know that that who should be held accountable, will be. Closure will definately be in the cards for me, as well. Perhaps that will also make for clearer boundaries.
As far as my younger sister, A... she is doing very well & we've spoken on the phone. It seems to be once every 10-14 days. It's not nearly as often as I'd like, but I also know that she is young & has a ton going on in her life. I don't want to impose, but I also don't want to be too distant. She knows that I support her like crazy, as does my DH. We want nothing short of Amazing for her & she knows that, as well. We all know she's capable of anything & she is aware of it, too. She hit me with this the other day: "If I can't go to UNC for nursing, I want to attend Johns Hopkins." Yeah.. little girl with Big Asperations. I know she can do it if she stays strong & keeps the ways she's been.
As for my mom, I spoke to her unexpectedly. I called A's phone & she answered. I was caught Completely off-guard. I have to admit, it was like the wind coming out of my sails. But, I swallowed the surprise of her voice on the other end of the line & tried to have a short but civil conversation. She tried to bring up this guy's mom (who she maintains contact with) & I nipped it, changing the subject & then saying I had to go. She ended the call by saying that she loved me & missed me. I didn't really know what to say, so I replied, "Yeah. I love & miss you guys, too."
So that's where it's at currently. If anything changes, I will try to keep yous posted. Once again, Thank you so, so much.
Re: Struggling to forgive *f/u*
I missed your first post, but I wanted to say that I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I'm glad you're pursuing legal action against your attacker, even if ultimately too much time has passed to to put him away. I know it's not easy, but it's a really brave thing to do and maybe your actions will prevent him from hurting anyone else.
After reading about your mom, I think cutting her out of your life entirely is completely warranted in this situation. I know, however, that you want to maintain a relationship with your kid sister so that complicates things. I think the way you handled the phone call was great, and that's what you might have to do for the next few years until your sister is out on her own- limit your contact with mom and steering the conversation away from this guy when you do have to talk to her. When your sister is a bit older it will be easier for you to have a relationship without having to worry about making your mom angry, and you can cut her off completely.
I'm so glad you have a support system in place in the form of your husband and your counselor. I really hope things work out for the best going forward.
I agree with everything the PP said, except that I remember your original post.
Good luck to you. Sounds like you're definitely on the right track.
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