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DH & a vasectomy
Hi everyone,
We are newlyweds (11/2010) and do NOT want kids. We have posted something before but would REALLY like opinions. We are both 23 y/o and though i love the idea of a baby, just do not think it is right for us. We are both trying for careers in the US foreign service and do not think its right for us.
My question before we go down this route is: has anyone done this and regret it? Wil i succomb to my motherly instincts and want a baby? DH and I are thinking a vasectomy for him... if we decide 5 years from now... will we be unable ? etc
Should DH get a vasectomy and in a while (if necc) will it be reservable? Or should we rethink our priorities?
Re: DH & a vasectomy
As someone who has known since teenagerhood that I wanted to be childfree, I totally sympathize with you. If I could have gotten my tubes tied at 18, I would have -- but no one would perform that surgery on an 18-year-old because there's the chance that at some point, I would want to have kids. (I'm 30 now and still don't.)
Personally, I would just go with birth control (pills are easiest, IMO) for a while, because there is always the possibility that you will decide that you want kids further down the line. Life circumstances change, people change, and you may end up deciding that you want a baby. A good friend of mine didn't hear her baby bell go off till she was 35 and her husband was 45. I'd stick with easily-stoppable birth control for at least a few years till you've been married and gotten a little bit older and gotten settled in your careers. Because while it's super easy to continue your birth control, it's not as easy to reverse a surgical procedure sometimes. Better safe than sorry (and this is coming from someone, again who don't want no kids no way nohow).
P.S. Don't let anyone try to guilt you about not having children, especially now that you're married -- you'll hear it A LOT. Ignore them
I think 23 is young for an irreversible decision like this (while vasectomies CAN be reversed, I don't think the success rate is very high, so they generally tell you to consider it irreversible). Get an IUD- stick it in and forget about it for five years. Entirely reversible.
The Art of Living
Get the Mirena IUD. It is reversible and will allow you time to make up your mind without worrying about missing a pill. It has the added benefit of stopping your period while you have it or making it especially lite.
It is possible that you could change your minds. It is also possible that your DH's doctor will not do the surgery because of his age.
I have two friends that did not want children. One has never wanted kids, and has never changed her mind; her husband is the same way. They are now 40, childless, and completely content. Her doctor refused to perform a sterilization procedure before she was 35. Her husband's doctor wouldn't do it until he was 30.
The other said she never wanted children and her husband never wanted children. Now she has decided that she wants a baby; her husband is on the fence. She is 28.
My husband has asked about a vasectomy. Our doctor doesn't recommend it because of our ages; he is 29 and I am 28.
DS: age 4
DD: age 2
Currently pregnant with our 3rd!
this. ^^
try Mirena, it's good for up to 5 years. Remove it if you want kids, insert again if you don't. Mirena is not permanent, a vasectomy is.
September 25, 2011, Mommy lost her little angel. Mommy will always love you, and will forever hold that special place in my heart!
At 35W2D, my little angel made her appearance. I never knew what love was until I met you. 12/4/12
For many years I did not want kids. Especially at age 23. And still at age 25. I dated a man who told me that he was sterile and could not father children and asked that I made sure that was ok with me. I thought long and hard and confirmed that I did not want kids. Kids don't like me, I have no motherly instincts and just couldn't see myself as a mother.
Even when I met DH I didn't want children. We argued over it a bit in the beginning, but dropped it and moved on. He tried to convince me to have children down the road, but I just wouldn't have it.
And then..I don't know what happened. Suddenly, I wanted children and a family. I seriously never expected it and had already assumed we would live child free.
All I'm saying is-there are so many other options to stay child free than to have something as permanent as a vasectomy. I know you feel like you are an adult and know exactly how you want your life to be, and how it will be. But in 5 years or so you may feel differently and completely shock yourself. Or maybe you won't, but at least it will confirm that something so permanent is a good idea.
Reversal is expensive....with low rate of success and very expensive.
My advice to anyone getting tubals or vasectomies is NEVER go in with the thought in the back of your mind that they are reversible (it can be done....but not a good chance of success)
I would look into long term BCs at your young age. Honestly. At 20 I had two kids and was 10000000000% sure I was done. I couldn't afford a tubal though. I am so glad I couldn't. I've had one since then and one on the way. If you would've told me I would've changed my mind in my mid 20s..I NEVER would've believed you.
If you are questioning right now whether you may regret it (and even admitting that you like the idea of a baby) I would say don't do anything permanent. There are long term options.
My bff had a vasectomy many years ago and he was told by doctor that if there is a chance he wants a reversal, the longer he waits, the less chance it will all 'work' correctly again.
Talk to your doctor about other options. You may never want children, but who knows...
Along these lines.....we would make sure to tell our patients that Vasectomy wasn't immediate and that you needed something like 12 ejaculations over 6 weeks to make sure all reamaining sperm is gone (not just waiting 6 weeks...and not ejaculating 12 times in a week)
Some idjit would always come in with his wife for a pregnancy test when she missed period because they didn't friggin listen (then say "the vasectomy failed). No, you dope....you had sex unprotected 3 days after!
The fact that you are getting advice on whether it's a good idea shows me that you are not entirely ready to give up on the idea of children. Given the fact that you would "love the idea" of a baby - but it doesn't align with your current priorities I would highly recommend to look for an alternative form of birthcontrol.
Vasectomies may be reversible- but it is expensive and you're not guaranteed success. I know many women that conceived late into their 30s- so that gives you some 17 years to change your mind or a lifetime of regret...
I loved the IUD I had in between pregnancies- set it and forget it- and you can choose hormones or not (Mirena vs. Copper). At your young age I don't think any Dr. would perform a Vasectomy without extensive counseling either- I know they won't tie your tubes in MA unless you either have gone through counseling or are at least 30 with 2 children...
Good Luck in whatever you do!
at 23, my wife (then gf) and I swore that we would have dogs and be "cool aunt/uncle" to any kids my siblings had. i was 100% certain that I never wanted kids.
5 years later, i cannot wait to have kids. life settles down in your mid-late 20's and you start to wonder what life is all about. there is nothing wrong with NOT having kids. but keep the option open for now. If you decide to do the vasc, then id have some sperm saved at a bank in case. but if 23yo me made the decision to get a vasc, i would be depressed now.
again, there is nothing wrong with not having kids, but most people mature a lot through their 20's and your perspective may change 180 on a lot of things.