November 2010 Weddings
LindsMullinix
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Bridal Party Roles: POLL
Ok so my MOH told me yesterday that she felt a little left out of my wedding planning process because she didnt come to the flower appointment, or help with my DIY invitations, etc. I had no clue she felt this way until yesterday. My wedding was the first wedding that I was involved in the planning for so I am wondering...
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you?
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you?
Who bustled your dress for the reception?
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist?
-Linds
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Re: Bridal Party Roles: POLL
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? My MOH came to meet a photographer (not the one we chose), she also came dress shopping with me twice, and came bridesmaid dress shopping. She also came for my first fitting.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? See above...she also gave a speech at the reception, and planned my shower/bachelorette with the help of my BM's
Who bustled your dress for the reception? My mom - my dress had to be re-made and came in 2 weeks prior to the big day - I had 3 fittings in 2 weeks and the one where they tought us how to bustle the dress was during the work day - so my mom learned.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? Nope, my mom did, I didnt want to ask too much of my BM's so I left the stressful stuff for my mom and I
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Yay! A poll!
Let me start out with saying I had just the MOH. My friend R didn't want to be a BM, but she sang in our ceremony and was like a BM, and I also asked my friend B, but she was due the day after the wedding, and so couldn't be in it. For this poll, I'm including both girls as BP because their roles were BM roles.
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? No. I went to almost everything on my own. B is into flowers, so I had her review my choices with me. Before signing anything, I had my mom and DH take a look and give it an okay (well, not everything, obviously DH doesn't care about flowers).
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? B planned my bridal shower, looked over my spreadsheets, and advised me on flowers, seating, the venue, and logistical stuff. R was an angel. She took a week off from work, took me to urgent care the week of the wedding, made us dinner that week, made me lie down when I got stressed and sick, planned my b-party, sang in our ceremony, drove me the day of the wedding, gave a speech at the reception (last minute fill-in for MOH), and was a kiss-a$$ DJ. MOH bought her dress at the very last minute, was late the day of the wedding, left early, and declined to speak.
Who bustled your dress for the reception? N/A I didn't wear a gown, but it would probably have been R because she came to my last fitting.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? B offered to help me with invitations and stuff, but I'm pretty crafty, she's not, plus she has a really demanding job and was really pregnant, so I took care of it be myself. When we got down to the last minute details my aunt stepped in.
I felt with my girls how involved they were was their choice. R actually took time off work to help me, whereas MOH doesn't work and didn't even return anyone's phone calls.
Disclaimer: I might have a little different situation since I was planning from 1200 miles away. My MOH lived in the city where the wedding was taking place. My other BM (DH's sister) lived 150 miles away from the wedding location, so my answers may be skewed...
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? No. MOH went BM dress shopping with me. Other BM did not. MOH did help me pick out a photographer by looking at their examples online and telling me whether they were good or not (She has a bachelor's in art education with a concentration in photography, so I seriously wanted her professional opinion).
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? MOH helped plan the bridal shower. She made the shower invitations and helped decorate the shower hall. But my mom did the guestlist, food, and footed the entire bill for the shower. MOH & Mom helped me get dressed by tying my corset and helping put my shoes on the day of the wedding. MOH bought my card box since she saw the one I wanted 50% off at hobby lobby, and she had an additional coupon. MOH also gave a toast at reception. DH's sister did nothing other than show up to the wedding. She couldn't come to the shower.
Who bustled your dress for the reception? My mom.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? I made the invitations myself and emailed them to MOH. She reviewed them and gave me tips on how to make it more aesthetically pleasing. But I assembled them and did all other projects myself with DH's help.
i had a MOH (BF) and Matron of honor (big sis).
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you?All my BM live far away so doing the actual things with me was more online than anything else. However, my BF/MOH came up for my bday weekend and we decided to go venue looking even though DH hadn't yet proposed (I was pretty sure he had the ring and was going to do it that weekend). I did almost all the vendor meetings by my lonesome since DH didn't really care at all. I made him come to a few key things like the final photographer and DJ selection. I ran all costs and decor past my Sister for help. My other MOH was more about what to wear. My Sis and mom came for my dress selection.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you?My Sis got emails DAILY with options and talked me off the cliff more times than I can count. She was my savior. She came up the week before the wedding, helped with all the decor. She was in charge the day of as well. We didn't realize we would be so busy with pictures so luckily I had an awesome personal attendant and Moms who took care of setting everything up perfectly. I didn't worry about a thing. It was practically her wedding too. "Our vision" was said a lot.
MOH took care of the food while getting ready. She also threw a bridal shower for me.
We did a really loose bachelorette that just involved dinner at a local bar while I was home.
Who bustled your dress for the reception?
Personal attendant
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist?
BMs helped with the menus, selecting and assembling the invites, my sister collected vintage green vases for me for the table decor. Sis made signage. They all helped with the chalkboards. They made their own hair fascinators. I had many more DIY things, but this was the majority they helped with.
Did your MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? Some. She came with my dress shopping (as well as my BM) and she also came to the dress fittings. She went to one of the flower vendors with me and she went with for the hair and make-up trials. DH went with on all of the other vendor meetings.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? MOH gave a toast and one of the BM gave DH his wedding day gift as well as made sure everyone had their flowers/bouts/coursages.
Who bustled your dress for the reception? MOH
If you had any DIY projects for your big day--did the bridal party assist? MOH helped me assemble the invitations, make the candy to-go boxes, glue rhinestones on menu cards, make the table number/frames. DH made the table/placecard poster, the card box and helped paint the aisle runner.
**My mom lives 9 hours away so I didn't have her there to help me with a lot of the planning so MOH was a huge help.
I'm curious how this came up and wonder why she would say anything? Sure, she's disappointed but did she offer help? What are you supposed to do about it now except feel bad about it? :-(
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? Nope! My MOH was my twin sister, a mom of three wee ones. We are two peas in a pod, but she didn't even come dress shopping with me but she did offer helpful opinions on my final choice of dress. Let's see... she spent the week before the wedding helping me shop for last-minute things. Oh, and she did pick out the flower girl and ring bearer tux and dress because her children were the ones wearing them.
She also came bridesmaid dress shopping (for obvious reasons). Then she was pretty much dying of the flu the day before the wedding and wasn't even at the rehearsal dinner and basically was just drugged for the entire wedding.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you?
Well, although my MOH was somewhat limited, the other BM's were quite helpful. BM's and MOH threw my shower.
Then, My stepsis (BM) and best friend (BM) made absolutely sure the week of the wedding festivities went smoothly in spite of MOH's illness. They drove me everywhere. At the nail salon, stepsis MADE the lady redo my ruined nails and sacrificed a lot to make the day perfect. THE most helpful thing they did was spend the night before the wedding with me making a long list of what needed to be done or remembered the morning of the wedding. One even stayed up until midnight with me researching the acceptable drugs I could take (lol) to make me get some sleep. Basically, they made sure I didn't get stressed or need a brain to think about anything. But before the week of the wedding, they didn't do much.
ETA: Wait... Best Friend did do stuff before the week of! She came dress shopping with me. And Twin (MOH) went shoe shopping with me and got my bridal shoes for free. I think that's it.
Who bustled your dress for the reception? Best friend (BM) - that was the plan all along because she's good with bustles.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? All my DIY projects were with my mom, aka "The Wedding Queen" or "Martha Stewart."
FWIW... I don't think there is a set rule about MOH involvement. Their role is really to wear the dress and be the legal witness on your wedding day.
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? No, only some went to my dress appt and an alt's appt
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? Not really
Who bustled your dress for the reception? MOH 1 and MOH 2
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? Two helped me with the programs one afternoon - most did nothing I should add
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? My sister/MOH came with me to get my dress. That was it.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? Nothing, LOL. My sister threw my shower, I guess that counts. Other than that, nothing.
Who bustled your dress for the reception? My mom.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? Nope lol.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Long story short - she's been pretty distant since the wedding - until yesterday I hadnt heard from her since January - I had sent her an email, she responded, I responded, and she never wrote back. At the end of February I sent her another email just checkin in to see how things were going with her etc etc, and she never wrote back. In a "final attempt" to make contact (I decided I was going to chase after this) I sent her another email yesterday - she wrote back saying she was good and glad that I wrote, and that she felt like our friendship was changing, and that she felt left out of the wedding planning etc.
I did let her know that I feel like it was a miscommunication on expectations because in the weddings I've been in, in the past - I was never asked to help, and all the planning was done by the family (sister, mom, etc). On the other hand, the 2 weddings she has been in were both of her sisters - so she was very involved in the planning (being both a sister and a MOH in both) - so I think we just had very different ideas of what the MOH was responsible for - but she never mentioned it until now.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Linds, I'm sorry this happened and she just now mentioned it. I hope that your friendship can recover now that you've figured out the cause of the distance between you.
I had a big WP... don't laugh. My sister was my MOH, and then I had 5 BMs. One (K) was semi-local, got engaged shortly after me, married two months after me. One (H) was 5 hours away, engaged a month before me, married a month before me. One (M) lives in my home town, and one (R) got pregnant after ordering her dress for my wedding but tried to keep it a secret from me and H, whose wedding she was also in. Side note: H officially found out R was expecting (4 months along!) at her rehearsal dinner. So awkward.
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? MOH did soooo much for me - she made phone calls, went shopping with me, and helped me brainstorm. I did most of my vendor "meetings" by phone and email. MOH and K went dress shopping with me for my dress and their dresses... When we found a BM dress those two liked, we asked the others if they liked it and they said yes. Since they were all far away, I never shopped with them, I just got their sizes and ordered the dresses. MOH planned my work shower (we worked together at the time) along with a few coworker-friends. She and H planned my bachelorette & lingerie shower. M & R didn't do much, although M did find my hairstylist for me.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? H, who was also planning her wedding at the same time, was my brainstorm buddy. We shopped online together during work, and emailed ideas so much. It's amazing that our weddings turned out so differently, given that we were both helping each other plan. K, the semi-local one, helped me design invitations - well, we picked a day and helped each other.
Who bustled your dress for the reception? MOH - she had gone to my fitting with me and learned to do it, although it was very easy and anyone could have done it.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? My mom helped with most of the DIY stuff... MOH helped some too though.
My situation was special in that my Matron of Honor is H's sister and one of my best friends. She & I lived in the same town and H was 4 hours away, so she really stepped up and helped me.
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? She went with me to look at our venue, dress shopping, & shopping for ideas for decor. She really helped me with questions to ask the venue that I would have never thought of.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? She helped me put together decor ideas, DIY projects, co-hosted 2 showers, decorate the day of. And she let me live with her for 6 weeks before the wedding too
)
Who bustled your dress for the reception? MOH & my friend who did my hair.
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? Yes. MOH helped the most, mainly because I lived with her and she let me keep all of our wedding stuff at her house. More people helped the week of.
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? no, a few BM and MOH came dress shopping, but my mom was with me the whole time. MOH and 1 BM came to learn to bustle
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? helped write table cards, MOH helped lug all the crap to the hotel 2 nights before and picked up my dress, planned shower with my mom, planned bach. party
Who bustled your dress for the reception? MOH and 1 BM
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? i didnt have much, if anyone my MOH helped with what I needed
Linds, I hate this happened to you out of the blue like this. The couple weddings I was in, I wasn't overly involved in planning, and so I didn't involve a whole lot of MOH/BM help either. My MOH had recently moved about 4 hours away, though, which didn't help, because she would have been very involved otherwise. My two BMs lived in other states the whole time - one across the country and one 4 1/2 hours away (SIL) in H's hometown where we held the wedding.
Did you MOH (or bridesmaids) come to all of your vendor meetings with you? Nope. I didn't have anyone but my mother come to any of them. Except with the cake people. H came with me for that one.
What did your BM's/MOH do for your wedding other than attend and stand up with you? MOH planned my shower and bachelorette. One BM, as I said, was across the country, so she didn't get involved at all. The other, my SIL, kept MIL in check for me, which was a huge deal!
MIL wanted to be in on every detail, and SIL kept reminding her that the two of them got to plan her wedding, so my mom and I got to plan mine, and to keep her opinions to herself. Invaluable help!
Who bustled your dress for the reception? My mom was the one who learned how to do it at my fitting, but my MOH and cross-country BM did it for me after photos. I had explained how to do it while we were in the bridal suite getting ready, and they had prepared themselves accordingly. (The seamstress had sewn the bustle hooks on, but also showed us how to lift a the layers of the dress and put in a couple safety pins for added support, so c-c BM affixed safety pins to the inside of her dress so she was ready. It was hilarious.)
If you had any DIY projects for your big day - did the bridal party assist? No, and this is where I wish MOH had been local still to help. I did most completely by myself, and H helped with a few. The extra set of hands would have ensured the last few projects got finished on time and properly, but oh well. None of it mattered in the grand scheme, anyway.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D