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How would you feel?
So you guys know that we typically don't do baby showers in my family.
Here's the history. For my sisters first pregnancy, I organized a group of her girlfriends to go to high tea when she was about 35/36 weeks, kind of like a last hurrah type of thing (ETA- no gifts, just spending time with each other). For her second, I threw a party at my house with about 15-20 people, no kids, no men-- not a shower per se (no baby gifts) but a lot of people brought a small relaxing/pampering type gift for my sister (lotions, gift certs, etc).
So fast forward to last weekend or the weekend before when my mother tells me she really doesn't think they're going to do anything for me before hand. She says it's because she really isn't one to do anything before the baby is born (um, woman, you didn't stop me from planning this for your other daughter). I'd like to think they have some surprise up their sleeves, but it is REALLY doubtful. Especially since I planned, on my own, with some of my friends to go out for a ladies afternoon tea in May (it's only with a subset of my friends) and my mother said oh can your sister go? My response was...No. She can't. Because it's not just for me. It's also for friend L who is moving to NO for her residency and our send off for V who is going to Ecuador for the summer.
I told my mother this is all ok and everything and I understand, but now I am thinking about it and honestly feel slighted and hurt (since my OOT friend basically asked me flat out if they were doing something and I had to say no). And my mother said oh the three of us will go do something (which is fine, but we also did that for my sister, anyways). Not sure if they're doing something afterwards, but it would be nice to know so I wouldn't dwell on this. Obviously I need to talk to them about this...
I didn't realize how upset I really would be about this.Here I am with my eyes watering and telling my H it is allergies...ha...
Re: How would you feel?
Yeah, I'd be hurt.
I know everyone says you can't expect people to do for you what you do for them, and it's your choice that you did all that for your sister... but I call bullsh!t. You can expect things you do to be reciprocated, and you're perfectly entitled to feel hurt when they're not, and there's nothing wrong with you or bad about it. If anything, there's something wrong with your sister for taking but not giving, and your mother for not saying something about it on your behalf. Bluntly put, it sucks. It sucks cheese. The stinky kind you probably can't eat while pregnant.
And that's another thing. All of your emotions are going to be heightened because of your pregnancy, and it sucks that your sister and mother don't think of that.
And I don't think there'd be a single thing wrong with you openly crying to Justin about all this if you need to.
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Thanks, Larissa.
As always...I appreciate your voice of reason- especially when it sides with me...!
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I have to agree, especially on the taking, but not wanting to give part. Larissa definitely says it best.
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I think I would be hurt as well.
And not it's not about giving something to get something, it's should just be common courtesey to offer something.
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I would be really upset.
I swear Jackie, some of the stuff you write reminds me of some of the things that have happened in the past with my sisters. Not that this makes it right, but I find that the first big "events" in families (weddings, babies, etc) get blown up to these huge celebrations and then they get smaller and smaller as more come along. It sucks and I'm the youngest in my family so I get hit like this sometimes too.
Hang in there-enjoy your time with your friends. I really hope they have something up their sleeves for you---or at least some really expensive, beautiful gifts.