Sex & Romance
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
If you've conquered The Mental Block
Alright ladies, I just cant seem to get past my own darn mind these days. After my now 2.5yo was born I used to take the "I know I'm not in the mood, but just give it a go and I'll end up in the mood" stance. That used to work. Or a little bit of alcohol to ease the typical stress and tension. That was all I needed if I was having a problem.
Now, I'm actually googling female libido remedies. I saw a Playboy female arousal drink at the gas station and I'm so desperate, I'm thinking of trying it, even though I know its probably just a bunch of hooey.
I've been through a lot lately and I know the stress and pain I'm in is playing a major role in my lack of interest. I have a herniated disc in my neck (the result of being rear-ended) and am awaiting surgery next month. I can function in day to day life (in most aspects) with this injury, its just a chronic pain thing that absolutely sucks the energy out of me. I'm so looking forward to having my neck "fixed" once and for all and I have faith it will help my overall quality of life in the long run, but for now I'm really missing that connection with my DH and I know he is too.
DH understands I'm doing my best... He is always been one to help out around the house and whatnot, but ever since my libido has taken a nose dive he's REALLY trying to help out in an effort to preserve my energy and keep my stress level low, but I still cant manage to get excited (forget excited, try willing) enough to even think about sex.
Porn is pretty out of the question for me, but I'm open to any other words of wisdom y'all might have.
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Re: If you've conquered The Mental Block
I'm in your DH's shoes. My DH hurt his shoulder a few weeks ago and is awaiting an MRI and surgery. He's in so much pain that he gets tired pretty easily. I don't have any words of wisdom to offer, but know that you're not alone.
I'm staying optimistic that I know this is only temporary, and we'll be back on the horse when he's feeling better. I've also enjoyed just cuddling in bed and talking. It's nice but there are times when I do feel that void of connecting through sex. Again, I know it's only temporary.
I wish you lots of luck on your surgery and I hope you feel better soon.
Do you find that when you anticipate sex you think a lot about the act itself and your physical reaction to it? Like the idea of sex has become stressful in and of itself? If so, try to remember what sex was like when you didn't even really think that hard about the physical aspects but you were more focused on the experience of spending intimate time with the man you love (all that respect, adoration, and feeling fortunate to have his love). I think the beginning of relationships have more emphasis on these aspects and then the physical part follows, but as relationships develop, these emotional/cognitive aspects aren't as salient so the physical act of sex becomes the star instead. I know this is easier said than done, but I hope it helps!
If you haven't had a full and comprehensive medical checkup very lately, have one.
Make sure you have your thyroid tested and your hormones tested also. Something hormonal may be out of whack; thyroid and hormone problems can kill your libido.
Those arousal drinks don't work -- I also believe they may also be dangerous. WHo knows what kind of herbs and other additives are in them?
Building your self confidence will work wonders -- try a new haircut or a mini makeover.:)
A trip to a mainstream bookstore for both of you would help, also -- check out the "how to" sex manuals for couples,
You also need to sit down and talk this over with your H --- any injury that one has indeed can cause pain during sex; find what positions are comfortable with you and go with those.:)
A friend of mine has Chrohn's Disease and he swears by acupuncture to help his conidtion. Maybe that's something you can look into for your neck pain -- see if your health insurance covers acupuncture.
I also suggest physical therapy for your neck problems --- take plenty of shark cartilage also.:)
BTW, cute kiddo.:)
Yes I too am wondering if you have sought "alternative" forms of health care such as seeing a chiropractor for your neck. All a doctor can do for your injury is either prescribe drugs (which don't actually heal your injury - just mask the symptons); or do surgery which is dangerous, invasive, and can easily lead to more pain due to scar tissue and other compications.
I also suffered from severe chronic pain and fatigue and within a few months of seeing a chiropractor 3x a week I have never felt better in my life. When injuries in your spine occur what people don't think about is what it does to your entire nervous system and therefore your entire body. How do you think your hormones can properly function and be balanced when your brain is being prevented from giving your organs the right messages?
Please seek medical help other than a general doctor. I feel so much better since I have... and feeling better equates to a happy wife with a healthy libido