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UPDATED: I need advice (long baby shower question)
I'm close to Huz's cousin G. G just had a baby last year (her son turns one next month), and is PG and expecting a boy again in July.
G asked me a couple of months ago if I would bake cupcakes for her if she had another shower (she made sure to say "if" because she didn't know for sure if she would). I told her I'd bake for her (she's my cousin and I love her), but I also let Huz know later that it wasn't my favorite idea for her to have another shower because she's having another son so close to the first one, and can still use the same things for #2. Not that a second baby doesn't deserve to be celebrated, but I'm afraid she'll come off looking gift-grabby. Anyway, I wouldn't be mad or upset if she had another shower because she can do what she wants, but I personally don't really understand a baby shower in those circumstances kwim? But I don't feel passionately about it one way or the other.
So FF to last week. G texted me and asked if Huz and I would be the Godparents of the baby on the way. We are honored of course, and would love to play that special role in the baby's life. But now I feel torn. Before this, I was just planning on attending a shower if she had one, or just giving her a nice gift for the baby if she didn't. Now, I feel like with this new role as Godmother, I kind of have to participate in the decision to THROW her a shower. The Godmother of her son threw her fist shower, so I feel like everyone will be looking to me to initiate whether G gets another baby shower, and I'm just going to be looking back blankly like "what?".
I've never thrown a baby shower before, and I don't know if I'm supposed to in this case. G doesn't have any sisters, and her mom and SIL aren't the shower throwing type. The only other person I can think of who might throw her a shower is the Godmother of son #1, and since I'm the Godmother of #2, I don't know if that makes it "my turn". Should I talk to G or the other Godmother about it? Do I just initiate? If I don't volunteer to throw a shower, and G doesn't have one, is that assy of me, and will she feel sad, and will everyone wonder why I'm such a jerk? If I throw a shower now, am I a hypocrite? What the hell is a Sprinkle?
This all just occured to me right now, and I feel a little overwhelmed. I'd appreciate any help or advice or insight about this. I don't really know what to do. WWYD? Thanks in advance!
Re: UPDATED: I need advice (long baby shower question)
It seems you may be stuck throwing a shower. However it can be a small, intimate event, and you can discuss with her whether she wants a "no gifts" comment on the invite.
Also I have been to a second baby shower and it was created as a "mom's shower" so instead of buying stuff for the baby we were supposed to buy stuff for the mom, like to pamper her. It was an intimate tea compared to her first that was a huge "thang". I really liked it but of course people got stuff for the baby too. However hers were not this close together, more like three years apart.
You can also forego all those games if she agrees and have more of a supportive get together, maybe people discussing things they have learned from having two children if there are other moms there or if they had siblings, what they felt their parents did well. You can have them do a wish book,
While I agree that the second baby should be celebrated, I think most people associate showers with the opportunity to give gifts to help out the new couple or the new parents. If they just had another baby a year ago and it's the same gender, and they probably don't need a lot of new baby stuff, I think it might raise a few eyebrows to do another traditional shower. The question is, how much do you/she care about that? People who have a problem with it can always just not come.
Considering how you feel, I think if it were me, I'd try to steer her toward some kind of non-shower event before the baby is born (you could word it like "Come hang out with cousin and her husband before their hands get full with baby #2!" or something like that.) Or a "meet the baby" type thing after baby is born. That way, people who want to bring a gift can do so, but there isn't that implication that you HAVE to or that you will sit around opening gifts. Making it a coed, casual event might help make it seem like less of a shower and more of just a fun get-together/celebration.
Good luck!
If you feel you need to be the one to do something, then you can set the tone. I would encourage a "sprinkle" which is a small shower-more for the Mom, or even better for after the baby is here-a meet and greet.
I'm with you, I think a second shower is tacky, especially same gender baby and within roughly a year.
Agreed. I like the meet and greet idea.
Ok, I'm going to get all middle child syndrome-ish here. I am the second girl in my family and only 19 months younger than my sister. My mom did have a shower for me (yeah!) but it just wasn't as huge as the "first born" shower.
I give my parents a lot of crap about how many things I didn't get because I was the second girl, born so close to my sister. It's all just teasing, but the fact is there are many things that the second child tends to get skipped just because mom is usually so much busier with two kids.
So I say, do a shower. It doesn't have to be a huge extravaganza, but I think it would be a nice gesture. You could just do a really simple dessert shower or something simple. I think all babies deserve to be celebrated.
Do you really, honestly miss out on all the extra onesies your mom might have gotten when you were a baby? Really? I submit that the middle-child syndrome is more toddler+.
Anywho, why can't you ask the mom what she expects? Maybe phrase it something like, "Hey, I know Child A's godmother planned your last shower. Would you like for me to plan something for after the baby is born?" That way you get beyond the second shower idea, but can still do something special.
My 2 cents.
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What a great idea! Couldn't you do that with cloth diapers too if that's what she's using? Don't they sell those in packs as well in some places?
No of course not, but that wasn't my point. My point was that there are a lot of things that the second child, especially one of the same gender that is close in age misses out on. For example, my sister has a big thick baby book, I have the first page of mine filled out. My sister had "milestone" pictures taken, me not so much. I completely understand that my mom was just extremely busy with having two little ones so close together and not very much help from family.
Why not have a special celebration for each. It doesn't have to be a full blown shower, but why not get together? People get together every year for birthdays no matter how close together they are so why should the first one be different?
You've gotten a lot of great ideas - meet and greet, "sprinkle," etc. But no, I wouldn't throw a second full shower.
On that, we agree. It's why I like the idea of a meet-and-greet. My MIL threw an adorable ice-cream social for my niece after she was born. It was a no-gift thing, I think, but they've got some great photos and memories.
ETA that I am saying all this as an oldest child, BUT since my parents got divorced and my mom went BSC afterward, I don't have any kind of baby book. I only have three photos of myself before the age of 4, and that's because my aunts have passed them on to me. So I feel ya on the lack of special memories. I just disagree that a shower would have made much of a difference.
Thank you all sooooo much for the great ideas and support! You Ladies are always so smart and helpful. I agree that a second baby should be celebrated too, and was thinking of doing a meet and greet after the baby is born.
Well, I brought that up to Cousin, and found out some interesting things. Huz and I are one of THREE sets of Godparents. Also, Cousin is already planning her own shower. When I asked if there was anyone else I should talk to about trying to plan something and she said she set a date and is just thinking of a theme, and that she'd like my help planning because I have cute ideas (lol, little did she know...)
When I found out I was like:
Soooo... yeah, now I'm even more confused. I'm not going to call out a pregnant lady and inform her of how impolite it's going to seem. And, while it's definitely not what I would do, I can't force anyone else to stop doing what they want. As tacky as I think she's being right now, she's family, I love her, and that relationship is worth more to me than my own Baby Shower Honor Code. So I guess we'll see how it goes haha.
Thanks again everyone! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and offer help. You all are great.
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