North Florida Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Relationship/marriage poll jacked from MM
I just heard a comment from Bethenny/Jason (Bethenny Ever After) that she feels bad that it is mostly about "her". But she states that she chose someone who understood that.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both?
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix?
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation?
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal?
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle?
None of this we're-totally-equal-in-every-way-look-at-that-rainbow-hugs BS either.
Re: Relationship/marriage poll jacked from MM
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both?
We haven't really gotten to the point where this has been an issue yet, but it probably will in the future if/when we have to relocate for one of our careers.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix?
I spend more time hanging out with my friends, but I do it by myself since it's usually a group of girls. When we do hang out with his friends, it's usually more of a couple thing so we both go. He doesn't do tons of time with just his guy friends. Maybe once a week or so.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation?
Hm, we both like watching TV, eating and drinking. We don't really have any "hobbies." We work out separately, we're not outdoorsy people, I'm not crafty, he's not handy. So we watch 30 Rock and drink wine together.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal?
Mine. I can blame it on proximity... but yes, mine.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle?
We kind of struggle with this. I try not to boss him around, but I'm naturally more Type A and more get-shits-done. So when we need something done whether it's budgeting, laundry, planning vacations or anything else, I basically have to do it or tell him to do it or it won't get done.
So I'd say I'm more alpha, but with the disclaimer that he's pretty okay with that. I'm not mean or condescending (most of the time) and it works out best for us in the end and he gets that. He's not take charge by nature and I definitely am.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? In the beginning, his totally took precedence. But as we saw that crap job market of Melbourne, it became apparent that we needed to move away & make mine more of a priority.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? Mostly my friends.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? Hobbies we tend to keep seperate - I like to bake & he likes to kayak. Occasionally I'll join him kayaking.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? We went through a huge power struggle based on family. We had a couple of knock-down drag outs due to his family seeming to always take precedence (mostly because there's a lot more of them here than my family). We've gotten a lot better about sharing time between families on holidays. It also helped a lot when we moved up here & we weren't having to run back & forth all over town.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? I'm definitely more of the Alpha. We're working on how to fight fairly so that we can become a better team.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? His. He makes about 20k more than I do. He has also been at his job for a lot longer than I've been with mine. It is very probable that I will leave my job when the baby is born too.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? This really is pretty equal. We both value our guy time/girl time and spend about the same amount of time on that. When it comes to hanging out with other couples, it's more his friends (although I definitely consider them my friends now as well), just because my 2 best friends live out of state.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? I don't really have any hobbies. DH golfs and plays poker though. However, I enjoy getting my me time to sit on the couch and watch trashy tv while he's doing those hobbies. We do do a lot of joint recreation as well though.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? Mine because of proximity. We see my mom probably every couple of weeks. However when we see my mom, it's usually just for a couple hours at a time. His parents come down about every 3 months and usually stay with us for 4 days. They are here looking at condos right now though, so we'll see how all that changes if/when they move here.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? We're a very good team. When it comes to planning/making decisions, I am more the Alpha. When it comes to house stuff, DH is. DH would much more likely be the one to complain about me not doing the dishes or cleaning up than I would be. But that being said, I would never call one of us the Alpha in the relationship at all, because I think we balance each other out by taking more of the control in different areas. We talk everything out and make sure we are both happy with whatever decisions are made in our household.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both?
He makes much more than I do (not that it's hard..), so if once of us had to go part time or leave our job for whatever reason, it would be me. In terms of location, though, my skills are marketable in one very small market, so we would only move somewhere with biotech or a lot of universities in the area. He's much more widely-marketable.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix?
Mine. He doesn't have too many friends, and a lot of the ones he does have are old friends that he kind of feels obligated to be friends with but whose company neither of us exactly enjoys... He RARELY hangs out alone with guy friends -- maybe 5x/year? You guys are the extent of my friends here, so you know how often I hang out with my friends. lol. We have 4 or 5 "couple friends," but we suck at making couples plans.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation?
We do nothing. lol. We are movie junkies, so we do that together. I tend to support him in his triathlon stuff, but there's not anything similar for which he could support me.. He will definitely act as my photo gear sherpa if needed, though.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal?
Ugh. Neither. Mine's not close physically, and his just isn't close. We trade off Christmas and Tgiving, but other than that we rarely see anyone. I go see my family a few more times during the year when I can, but I usually go alone to keep costs down and save pupper from being boarded.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle?
I think we're BOTH pretty type A (although lately I've demoted myself to an A-..), but we've sort of learned how to talk through things better. Unless it's something we're both REALLY opinionated about, we'll let the other person take the wheel. In general, I'd say I'm alpha, but it's not glaring. I also have gotten pretty darn good at making him think stuff was his idea, so I think that gets me some sort of alpha-on-the-sly points.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? He makes a tiny bit more than me but neither of our jobs are priority. We both work in industries that we can pretty much do anywhere so if one of us had an opportunity in another state the other would be able to get a job pretty easily.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? Since he works nights I get my girl time more than he gets his guy time. We have the same group of friends as neither of us grew up here and we met working at the same restaurant. When we have time off together we usually just spend it the 2 of us since it is usually one or two nights a week.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? Our "hobbie" was drinking
Neither of us really have hobbies. I like to workout but can do that while he is at work or before he gets up on the weekends. We also enjoy going to to the beach, eating out and traveling which we do together.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? Mine but my parents come and visit us. Neither of us has family in Jacksonville. My parents are usually here 4-5 times a year. We also vacation with them somewhere for a week every May. His grandparents visit a few times a year. His mom has visited twice in the past 9 years. We have gone to see her a few times but I can't say that I push going to see her.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? I am the Alpha. There really isn't a power struggle. I take charge and he follows. I do wish he would take charge of more things but he has a very laid back personality and I don't. I feel like I boss him around a lot but he doesn't mind. Honestly nothing would get done if I didn't take charge.
None of this we're-totally-equal-in-every-way-look-at-that-rainbow-hugs BS either.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both?
His. Obviously, with him being active duty military, I had to be ok with either long periods of separation or following him without the promise of a job. Since we agreed before we even married that I wanted to stay home with our kids, I was ok with not focusing on career. He's supportive of me getting a masters degree or whatever I need while home with the kids, so that I can do something if I want once they're in school, though.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix?
Neither, sadly. It's been such a crazy year that we haven't really made many friends here, and all our friends are back home in Tennessee. He does encourage me to make friends and try to get involved though, since he gets adult socializing at work and I don't.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation?
We're pretty balanced in this area. We like doing stuff together, which means he learned to play tennis and I learned to play golf. We try to use hobbies as "us" time. I do bake and craft a bit, which he doesn't care for, but (if he's home) he will usually find something to do nearby so he can keep me company.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal?
We try to be as balanced as possible, though it usually ends up leaning a bit toward his family. It's just easier since there's only his parents versus my parents and four siblings (and a few "extensions" that like to try to pressure us into seeing them while we're in town). There's a lot less drama on his side too. But mostly it's because he's an only child and he and his parents are used to being super close and don't understand anything else. We're working on that one.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle?
This one varies. DH pretends he plays the "she's the boss" game, but it's more a "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" than anything, lol. It really depends on what we're talking about. Because I stay home, he understands that the house is my realm. He definitely helps with chores and stuff, but the house is organized to my liking and anything house-related goes through me. We discuss any decisions and stuff, but that's how it goes in general.
We handle finances together, but it's more 51/49 to DH mainly because he makes the money and I'm all about him making most of those decisions with just my input. I mostly keep the records and make calls, that sort of thing.
As for the kids, we try to be as equal as we can, though that usually falls to me too, obviously. We discuss anything big, and are currently trying to work through how we want to discipline them. We both have strong opinions on certain areas, so it may be interesting.
"My 101 List - Updating asap, I swear!
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? I would say his. We'd like to get his job to a point where I don't have to work. Or that I can work part time/from home.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? We spend most of our social time with couple friends. Though, we both will do girl/guy time individually.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? We have a handful of activities we're both interested in doing that we do together. We also have individual stuff that we'll do solo. I'd say of the individual hobbies....I go with him more. Like to sporting events. (I do get into live games and have a great time, but it's not something that I HAVE to do.)
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? Probably mine. We spend more holidays with mine. But, it's not like I demand it. Mine is here and actually has gatherings for holidays and "just because."
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? I'm Alpha. I'm more of a big picture thinker. Adam is more laid back, in the moment person. I do all the financial planning, I picked the house and almost everything in it. I run everything by him, and he will tell me if he disagrees....but for the most part there are no objections. haha
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? Before DH lost his job, his took more economic presedence since he made 2-3 times more than I did. Now, with him starting up a business, I am the bread winner until we start seeing that this business turn a profit. If/When this business takes off then he will be the bread winner once again, which I am fine with. According to his predictions financially things will be good enough in 2 years for me to not work if I choose not to.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? We have all the same group of friends that consists of both couples and individuals.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? We each have our own hobbies and joint ones as well. I think it is a good mix for us. There are some weekends that we do things together and other weekends (usually the fall) when his hobby of hunting is his main focus. There are times that this bothers me and other times I LOVE it b/c I have the weekend to myself to do whatever I want and have a quite house!
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? We tend to see his family more only b/c they live closer to us drive-wise. My family live farther away and has less opportunity job wise to take off. I see my family usually by myself since DH and my mom have had a falling out and both are stubborn and refuse to apologize. This bothers me a bunch and I have voiced my opinion to both sides about it. Even though my Dh my not get along with my mother and there are time where I don't get along with her either, I refuse to let that keep me from visiting my borther/sisters & dad.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? I think we are a good team because we each bring something different to the table. There are certain things he takes the more Alpha position on and other items where I am the alpha. I think it is a good balance for our relationship and works well for us as a couple.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? Mine is more of a niche and more lucrative than his, so if we had to move for a career, it would be mine. That may change in the future, but that's the way it's been so far.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? When we're in range of his friends, we spend more time with them than we do with mine here. But, that has to do with the fact that we're on vacation and/or doing all-day activities together. I really consider them my friends as well, but he brought them to the marriage
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? Our hobbies are like, watching movies and tv shows, so we share them. Otherwise they're computer things, or my crafts, and that's why we have a double-decker desk, so we can at least be together.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? Hm. My family is here, so they see us more. But, we have a better relationship with his, although there is still parental drama.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? It depends on the topic. When it comes to spending/budgeting/etc., I take the lead just because I have more training in it from accounting classes, etc. When it comes to decorating/house stuff, he takes the lead. Some things we have a stalemate over, because we disagree on how to view things and are both very stubborn. I would say when it comes to external adversity that is not my mother, we're a good team. Otherwise, if someone needs to take a lead rather than just mundane daily things where it doesn't matter, we can get into a struggle. Basically whomever is going to have the biggest cow over it wins.
None of this we're-totally-equal-in-every-way-look-at-that-rainbow-hugs BS either.
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? Right now my job has been priority because he has been in school. Eventually when the market turns around and he actually has a career, his job will be priority.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? I spend more one on one girl time with my friends, we usually all hang out as a group with his friends. Although really, we all grew up together so they are both of our friends.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? He likes to fiddle with garage things while I watch RHW. We jointly enjoy restaurants, bar-hopping, riding bikes, walking the dogs.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? It used to be his and I put a stop to that after many years of issues surrounding this subject. It took him a while and some growing up to understand the concept of making it fair and now he has an extended family, his mom can suck it.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? I am definitely the one making things happen in our household. I have learned over the years the importance of making him feel like he has control over certain things as well so he doesn't feel emasculated. Men and their easily bruised egos ::sigh::
1. Economically - Your job or his? Is there a "priority" career or a balance of both? His now. Mine before he was finished with school.
2. Socially - Most time spent with yours, his, or couple friends...what is your mix? We tend to do stuff with our own set of friends. We need more friends.
3. Hobbies - Yours, his or joint recreation? We're both kind of lazy. I have some hobbies that I like and do alone and he plays random computer games with his friends that live out of town.
4. Family - Your family or his? How does the pecking order usually fall or is it everyone created equal? Mine. He doesn't have any so it's kind of by default.
5. Your "couple" personality - Who/Is there an Alpha? Are you a good team or is there a power struggle? I think we're a good team. There are things that I'm crazy about and things he wants to be in charge of. We've figured a lot of it out and continue to try to work on it and communication when it comes to a power struggle.