Do you think..

dasmel30 · April 2011

that you are outgrowing some of your friends now that you are married?

jenif · April 2011

i have outgrown some of my friends - we have different lifestyles so it's difficult to share in activities with them. i have a friend of mine who i adore and have been friends with most of my young adult life and we barely speak - she and her husband are actively social in the sense that they attend parties and bbq's and drink (not to a point of excess, but on an almost daily basis). as a result - we can't share in the idea of hanging out with them because my dh doesn't drink at all and, as a result, i minimally drink.

and perhaps it's because i have a really healthy relationship with my husband - but it's begun to get difficult to talk with those friends who are married and always talk about how hard it is to be married and talk smack on their husbands - my dh definitely can get on my nerves but he doesn't bring me to a point where all i can do is speak negatively of him.

so to answer your question - yes - my friendships are changing.

Laurms15 · April 2011

Good question! For the most part, I don't think so. Most of my friends are a few years older then I am and are married. Two sets of friends have babies. Only one of my closest friends is not married/in a relationship. She's finishing a degree and working for a big company in finance so that takes up her time but she did just buy her first house.

There are some of my outer circle of friends (sorry that sounds meaner then I intend) but the people who I see and am friendly with but that I don't spend a ton of time with. Many of them are in relationships but are still out and about going out in the city or things like that.

However I will say when my first friend got married we did drift apart. So I can totally see how that could/would happen.

allioops414 · April 2011

Good question, and I'm interested to see all of the responses!

I don't think we are growing apart, I guess it just takes extra effort to keep up with each others' lives because all of us are in different places now. Many of my girlfriends are still single, and I am totally in the married/homeowner phase and our priorities are different. My friend that is already married doesn't own a home, so they seem to have a lot of disposable income and still go out more than we do. We have been spending much of our extra $ in renovating our home over this past year. I guess it's all about what's important to you these days.

It's funny you should ask this, because my oldest friend came over to hang out with me yesterday, and I had some landscapers here, and I was picking out shrubs when she arrived. And she said "Al, 5 years ago we were clubbing every weekend and now you're picking out shrubs for your house...you sure have changed" haha!!!

I guess the only thing that's really different is that DH is not at all as interested in going out with groups of friends as I am...and that bothers me sometimes. It's really the one thing we "fight" about. But I'd rather have time alone with him than a night in a bar anytime I definitely value my girls' nights and I try to encourage those as much as possible. I think it's very important to connect with your friends without their SO's sometimes....sometimes I think I'm the only one that feels that way.

RachieK10 · April 2011

I don't think I drifted away from some friends due to being married, but I definitely did due to me progressing in life and them, well, ...not.

Of my core group of friends from college, I am still very close with 3 of them (the ones who were in my wedding). We all moved naturally from college into either careers or grad school, and we continue to grow as people and actually act like adults. Therefore, our interests remain similar to each other's even though they are not the same interests we necessarily had in college. Some of the others (and one who I was VERY close to) just haven't made the same choices. They are still working at restaurants, going out every night, etc. etc. I have nothing against working at a restaurant if that is what you want to do or all that you are qualified to do, but with these people it's simply a lack of motiviation to get on with their lives and grow up.

As far as being married, though, no. 2 out of the 3 above mentioned girls are single, and we still talk and keep in touch just like before. And, all of my local friends are married because DH and I met them together.

dayzchic9 · April 2011

yeah i agree... good question... and i'd have to go with i don't think so. most of our friends are married and makin babies, so they are pretty much on par... there is this one couple who we don't hang out w/ anymore but that's cuz she is a raging B*TCH and doesn't "allow" her H to hang out w/ us. (long story, prob told before, pretty much boils down to jealousy - her H bachelor party had strippers my DH's did not)

Lisa6255 · April 2011

This sounds really sad but I am happy with it this way- I only keep in touch with my MOH, who has been my best friend for longer than I can remember.

I don't really have other friends I hang out with regularly, just old coworkers on a random occasion. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my family and bff so I'm content with how it is.

My bff/MOH and I get together for wine/ sushi nights and we're getting together tomorrow! I can't wait!

bhentze · April 2011

I think some people definitely deal with it better than others. The people I wanted to remain close to over the past year or so have remained very close. I always think its funny when I am going out with my girlfriends. Their mothers are always like "Isn't breanne marrrrrrrrrrrried". Oh I'm sorry, should i be home knitting and popping out babies, cleaning, and cooking (all at the same time)?

TotallyLoCo · April 2011

Well, my experience is a bit different since I am older than most of you. Most of my long-time friends are married, but I'm not that close with them anyway since I live 2 hours from where I grew up so it never bothered me when I was single.

I fell in with my current core circle of friends around 5 years ago. At that point everyone was single; I think we all gravitated to each other as early/mid 30s single people (which is actually pretty common around where I live). In the last 3 years or so, nearly everyone has gotten engaged and married, or at least into a serious relationship. My relationship with DH has fallen right into the middle of the pack timing wise which is perfect. It's nice that almost all of our friends are coupled up, so we can just do couple-y things together. We still hang out with our single friends also. Most of them are older so it's not like they're going out to pick up guys every weekend.

Now everyone is trying to get pregnant... I have a few friends who are expecting and a few others trying, which is harder at our ages. My big fear is that they will all be successful but I won't, and I'll be the one left behind.

Kryssttle · April 2011

I'm going to say mostly no, although things are a little different then they used be. I do have a strong core of friends and with them everything is exactly as it has always been. I think my biggest struggle with my single girlfriends is living so far away. Many of them still live in the town we grew up in and so it takes much more effort to keep up with each others lives.

Marick · April 2011

Nope, at least not yet! I met my local group of friends the same time I met my DH - when I moved from Michigan to San Diego, so I have always been with my DH with this group of friends. And my relationships with long distant friends have not really changed since meeting or marrying my DH. DH and I are pretty social and have many married and single friends, we all seem to get along well :P

One thing to add though - I have become closer to my married friends since getting married, something I didn't expect, but i makes sense

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