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Overly Sensitive, Rudeness or Harrassment?
Background: I have a co-worker who is not my favorite. I get along with 98% of people, he is in the other 2%. He is not my boss, but is at a higher level in my department. Our boss has stated he doesn't care when we arrive each day as long as we do our work. Most days I arrive around 8:30, today it was more like 8:45 (and I wasn't the last to arrive). The boss is on vacation this week.
Situation: Out of the blue, co-worker decides to IM me.
9:42 AM "Co-worker"
oh, you're here
9:43 AM "Me"
Did you have a question for me?
9:43 AM "Co-worker"
no, Co-worker #2 and I were just wondering if you were coming in
glad you're here
Thoughts: Am I being overly sensitive? Is this just rudeness? Would you consider it a form of harassment? This is not the first time he has made unconstructive critical comments to me, but normally I don't have a written record. Most of the time I let his comments roll off my back and probably will with this one as well, but I'm just getting frustrated.
Re: Overly Sensitive, Rudeness or Harrassment?
It's hard to say without knowing how he's behaved in the past, but at face value I don't think this is a big deal. Today is Good Friday, and he may have thought that you were going to take off, particularly if he walked by your desk between 8:30 and 8:45 and saw you weren't there.
I've had basically this exact conversation with a co-worker - when I didn't see her at her desk on a semi-holiday, I thought she'd taken off. Then I saw her online later and said the same, "Oh you're here, I didn't know if you were coming in" kind of thing.
Yes, you're being oversensitive. I don't see it as particularly rude, and this doesn't even come close to harrassment.
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Yeah, uh, you're WAY over-reacting if you see someone say "glad you're here" and immediately believe they're criticizing you. You were in later than usual, it's a holiday, they wondered if you were coming in. LET IT GO.
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Okay, I will let it go. Thanks for making me see the the light. His words aren't mean and IM doesn't show tone.
So while I'm still pretty sure he said "Its about time you showed up, you lazy bum."
I will take it as "You must have come in quietly this morning. I didn't notice you until now."
This exactly.
maybe its not all this guy's fault you dont get along. two to tango and all that...
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I understand what you are saying, but its not just me who feels this way about co-worker. However, for this comment, the consensus seems to be that I'm being overly sensitive and I'll accept that. Its why I posted it here, to see if I needed to check my feelings. One thing I can guarantee about the people on the nest, they won't sugar coat things to make you feel good, and I appreciate that. Sometimes its hard to step out of the situation and view it from the outside.
I have two other newish team members who are just counting the months until they can transfer out of this department, because of co-worker. So I know that it is not just me that doesn't get along with him.
Co-worker is really intelligent, so the boss relies on him for stuff, but he is also very arrogant and likes to put others down. Its never direct enough that you can point to something and say "wow that was harsh", its just the little things he does that chips away at the moral of our department.
This is exactly how I would take it. About half of my office took the day off or left early today.
Bottom line: it doesn't matter how he meant it, it only matters how you react to it.
You cannot control what he says, you can only control your reaction to it. So even if he is being difficult, just keep your conversations professional and brief, ignore him otherwise, and go on about your job.
When I returned to work after a few (management approved) days off to attend my grandfather's funeral, a habitually nasty coworker said those exact same words to me. She then didn't speak to me for days and offered zero words of sympathy regarding my grandfather. I found out later she thought I'd faked his death to get off work, because he had the nerve to die a few days before a holiday.
OP- I've found that asking questions (innocently, of course) is effective for situations like this. In the case you describe , I would have responded with "Yes, I'm here, did you need something?" His,response would determine how I would assess the situation.