To share or not to share?

Patineuse1124 · April 2011

DH and I often argue (though usually not intensely) about sharing. I grew up in a family were everybody had their own towel (different towel hook), we often had food that we labeled with our name so it was hands off to everybody else (Mom bought us one special treat each week), etc. DH's family is totally different. They just grab whatever towel is closest to them when they get out of the shower (yuck!) and any food there is up for grabs (one time I slept over there and had a doggy bag from dinner the night before I went to eat it for lunch and it's gone, I was super annoyed, I mean who eats somebody else's leftovers without at least asking first?).

Anyways I was just wondering if I was crazy in that I like things separate (I think sharing a bath towel is gross)? Also DH gets totally annoyed with me when I make something to eat and don't offer him any. If I'm making something that I can easily scale up I offer. But if I make something to eat that there is only enough for one portion I'm not going to split it because then that means I have to make something else. I come from a self-service family in that mom rarely cooked for us once we were old enough to cook for ourselves.

So, what don't you like to share with DH?

MC22 · April 2011

I'm totally with you on sharing towels. That is definitely gross to me, too. My towel hangs closer to the sink, so Chris will often wipe his mouth on it after he brushes his teeth, or dry his hands on it...it aggravates the heck out of me!

I also sometimes buy "treats" for myself, and he'll eat the last one. I mean, pretty much everything is for both of us (since I do all the shopping), but there are certain things that I think he should just know not to eat the last of.

Whenever I say something, though, he always says that I should've told him, and that he's not a mind reader. And he's right.

Xan921 · April 2011

We definitely each have our own towel, although, if we're at a hotel or something and don't have enough towels (I use one on my body and one for my hair) then I don't mind using his towel to wrap my hair up in. We've also shared deodorant before if one of us forgets ours (on vacation or staying over at someones house) and we use the same bar of soap in the shower. Honestly, there isn't much I wouldn't share with DH; we also eat and drink after each other.

I also would never prepare myself something to eat without asking him if he wants something too if we are both home, unless he is asleep or something along those lines. If there is only enough for one of us of a certain item, then we always offer it to the other person first or we offer to make them something else. We've had 1 chocolate chip cookie left for a few days now and neither of us have ate in just in the case the other person wants it lol. Any time one of us walks into the kitchen for whatever, we always ask the other one if they need/want anything. I feel like we're just extremely considerate of each other and really think of ourselves as a unit. We don't even put laundry away separate lol, we sit in the bedroom together doing it, he hangs stuff and I fold stuff.

Edit: Def not saying we're all smiles/helpful/sharing is caring all the time; there are plenty of times where one of us or both of us are total a$$holes lol but in general, we do pretty good at working together as a unit.

MC22 · April 2011

Xan921:

We've had 1 chocolate chip cookie left for a few days now and neither of us have ate in just in the case the other person wants it lol. Any time one of us walks into the kitchen for whatever, we always ask the other one if they need/want anything. I feel like we're just extremely considerate of each other and really think of ourselves as a unit. We don't even put laundry away separate lol, we sit in the bedroom together doing it, he hangs stuff and I fold stuff.

A chocolate chip cookie would NEVER last a few days in my house - haha!

And Chris does help when he's around when I do laundry. But typically, I do it on my own time. I also am the queen of laundry and do about ten loads a week, so since it's my fault that it's so excessive, I see it as my chore. Plus, I don't like the way he folds any of my clothes (except my t-shirts, which he does a really nice job with!).

kjhharris · April 2011

totally agree with you.

Towels? Eww. Don't want to be drying my face where DH just wiped his junk, much less any other family member. We definitely have our own towels.

Food - we have some stuff that's communal, and there are other things that DH knows he takes his life into his own hands if he finishes it off. I forget what, but early in our relationship he finished something of one of my favorite foods (right around my period), and I remember wailing, "But you don't even really LIKE it, why would you finish it!!!?!?!!" LOL.

Xan921 · April 2011

MC22:
Xan921:

We've had 1 chocolate chip cookie left for a few days now and neither of us have ate in just in the case the other person wants it lol. Any time one of us walks into the kitchen for whatever, we always ask the other one if they need/want anything. I feel like we're just extremely considerate of each other and really think of ourselves as a unit. We don't even put laundry away separate lol, we sit in the bedroom together doing it, he hangs stuff and I fold stuff.

A chocolate chip cookie would NEVER last a few days in my house - haha!

And Chris does help when he's around when I do laundry. But typically, I do it on my own time. I also am the queen of laundry and do about ten loads a week, so since it's my fault that it's so excessive, I see it as my chore. Plus, I don't like the way he folds any of my clothes (except my t-shirts, which he does a really nice job with!).

When I was living with just my Dad, I would do laundry excessively and like to do it my own way, but once Jason and I moved in together, we don't have our own washer/dryer; we share a common one with the 4 other apartments on the floor, and it costs $4.50 per load, so once I started adding up exactly how much I was spending on laundry, I stopped being picky about mine and now we just throw as much as we can fit in a load. Once we move to a place where we have our own again, I think I'll go back to doing it a certain way.

Bre2Be · April 2011

C and I don't even share the same bathroom! He uses the one that is in our bedroom and I have a hand towel specifically for hand washing. I use the "guest" bathroom, which he never uses. So, nope. I don't like sharing bathroom space/stuff.

As far as food goes, we share most things. But, we have to get 2 different milks (he likes whole and I get almond milk), 2 different cereals, 2 different breads (I like pita bread or sandwich thins)... We wouldn't eat each other's leftovers or the last "treat" without asking.

We are pretty set with sharing household duties. I cook, he does the dishes. I do laundry, he folds and irons. He pays the bills and I go shopping!

MC22 · April 2011

Bre2Be:

We are pretty set with sharing household duties. I cook, he does the dishes. I do laundry, he folds and irons. He pays the bills and I go shopping!

Haha! Love the last one!

We're pretty even on household duties, too. We have about a half acre, so the time he spends out there mowing, weed eating, etc., is probably equivalent to the time I spend cleaning the inside of the house. And I get to do my part in the a/c! The only bad thing is that he gets the winter off since there is no need to mow.

Hmmm...maybe I should renegotiate this each winter!

hz80408 · April 2011

MC22:
Xan921:

We've had 1 chocolate chip cookie left for a few days now and neither of us have ate in just in the case the other person wants it lol. Any time one of us walks into the kitchen for whatever, we always ask the other one if they need/want anything. I feel like we're just extremely considerate of each other and really think of ourselves as a unit. We don't even put laundry away separate lol, we sit in the bedroom together doing it, he hangs stuff and I fold stuff.

A chocolate chip cookie would NEVER last a few days in my house - haha!

And Chris does help when he's around when I do laundry. But typically, I do it on my own time. I also am the queen of laundry and do about ten loads a week, so since it's my fault that it's so excessive, I see it as my chore. Plus, I don't like the way he folds any of my clothes (except my t-shirts, which he does a really nice job with!).

All of this. I typically do laundry and fold, I don't put Ben's away though. However, if he does laundry, he only folds his and leaves mine for me to do. So rude, it drives me crazy!!

We don't share towels, but food-yes. Although I do get annoyed when Ben eats something that I was planned on using and doesn't tell me (like shredded cheese is gone when I was planning on making enchiladas) and when he takes the last of something and doesn't right it on the grocery list but leaves the box on the shelf (so I'll go to get a granola bar and there's no left, right after I went shopping!) But those are more about venting than sharing :O)

MC22 · April 2011

hz80408:
All of this. I typically do laundry and fold, I don't put Ben's away though. However, if he does laundry, he only folds his and leaves mine for me to do. So rude, it drives me crazy!!
We don't share towels, but food-yes. Although I do get annoyed when Ben eats something that I was planned on using and doesn't tell me (like shredded cheese is gone when I was planning on making enchiladas) and when he takes the last of something and doesn't right it on the grocery list but leaves the box on the shelf (so I'll go to get a granola bar and there's no left, right after I went shopping!) But those are more about venting than sharing :O)

Oh - I do put Chris' laundry away and he still doesn't put mine away. His excuse is that he doesn't know where it goes. How does he think I figured out where all of his go?

And Chris does the same thing - takes the last of something and leaves the empty box on the shelf. What makes them think that's ok???

Dyork · April 2011

We share basically everything. Ok maybe not toothbrushes, but food, drinks, laundry. Seriously the dude puts his Manhood in my ladyparts, and we tooootally kiss eachother....on the mouth.....and other places. If we can do that, it wont kill us if we do our laundry together, or eat each others left overs. Also it's "our" money buying the food. I'm not going to write my name on the milk just because I was the one to physically pick it up from the store.

Patineuse1124 · April 2011

Kenna, I think I totally went nuts on Bill at least once when he ate the last of something I was craving (I probably was PMSing).

The problem I have is I'm a picky eater but Bill will eat anything. So I'll buy him stuff that I know he likes but then he eats the stuff that I like first (though he doesn't do it on purpose, he just grabs the 1st thing he sees and eats it). I've learned to hide my favorite stuff in back. I also have separate bins in our pantry area that are each of our favorites and at first I don't think he liked it, but since I keep his well stocked I think he is ok with it now.

Just so I sound less selfish on the making food thing, when he asks me if I want something when he is the kitchen, I answer based on how simple the request is, so basically if I would want to do it if the roles were reversed. I don't want him to make something special just for me. He doesn't think like that though. I do make him special treats but I don't like to feel like it is expected of me, which I do because he is always annoyed if I fix myself something.

nfp147 · April 2011

Sharing towels is gross. I don't want boy stink all over me Stick out tongue

We share food unless one of us buys something as a treat. We usually end up sharing that too, but not without asking/being offered.

Xan921 · April 2011

Dyork:

We share basically everything. Ok maybe not toothbrushes, but food, drinks, laundry. Seriously the dude puts his Manhood in my ladyparts, and we tooootally kiss eachother....on the mouth.....and other places. If we can do that, it wont kill us if we do our laundry together, or eat each others left overs. Also it's "our" money buying the food. I'm not going to write my name on the milk just because I was the one to physically pick it up from the store.

100% agree with you. We're husband and wife, not roomies Stick out tongue

Xan921 · April 2011

MC22:
hz80408:
All of this. I typically do laundry and fold, I don't put Ben's away though. However, if he does laundry, he only folds his and leaves mine for me to do. So rude, it drives me crazy!!
We don't share towels, but food-yes. Although I do get annoyed when Ben eats something that I was planned on using and doesn't tell me (like shredded cheese is gone when I was planning on making enchiladas) and when he takes the last of something and doesn't right it on the grocery list but leaves the box on the shelf (so I'll go to get a granola bar and there's no left, right after I went shopping!) But those are more about venting than sharing :O)

Oh - I do put Chris' laundry away and he still doesn't put mine away. His excuse is that he doesn't know where it goes. How does he think I figured out where all of his go?

And Chris does the same thing - takes the last of something and leaves the empty box on the shelf. What makes them think that's ok???

Oh my gosh, ladies, you must be way nicer than I am because if Jason ever did that, I'd grab the box and start bashing him in the face with it lol.

MC22 · April 2011

Xan921:
Oh my gosh, ladies, you must be way nicer than I am because if Jason ever did that, I'd grab the box and start bashing him in the face with it lol.

I'm more passive aggressive.

Oh, and, there are times where he's done something just one too many times, and I'm in a bad mood, so I totally freak out.

But all in all, I pick my battles and this one just isn't one I usually pick.

Mia2700 · April 2011

We would pretty much share everything.

Foods, it's fair game BUT we make a rule that if there's two left, you better offer me one first.. if there's one left.. someone's already in trouble! Leftovers almost alwaysss go to him because I just don't care to eat something back to back like that. We prep our lunches for the week on Sunday (giant salad) so we know what to leave in the fridge so no one is missing a lunch.

Towels, neither one of us would particularly care if we used the others towel by just grabbing the wrong one, but to this, I use the blue one, he uses the brown so even though they hang together, we know which is which.

ETA: We share all the chores. There's no set rule to this either. If you see the dishwasher is full, empty it. Can't close the lid on the hamper, do wash, etc. We clean together on Saturday morning so it goes quicker. We probably end up splitting right down the middle on all chores.

bonnyandtim · April 2011

Food is our 1 area that is communal. We both like the same things; I don't have anything that I like so much that I consider my "stash" or anything.

Then, there is 1 drawer in the bathroom of "shared" toiletries (Q-tips, cotton balls, bandaids, basic basic stuff.) Then 1 section of the linen closet is the same way (extras of those bathroom-like things, a few handsoaps, extra toothbrushes.The small stockpile.)

Everything else though in our life is REALLY separate. He has some bills & I have some bills. He has some chores & I have some chores. We have our own towels. We have our own bank accounts. We have 1 joint account that our wedding gift $ went into & we have not touched that.

IDK, it works for us.

pondering_gal · April 2011

Ew..not towels.

We do share drinks all the time. At home, for fast food, restaurants. We figure if we're going to drink the same thing, why waste 2 glasses? Though my mom refuses this and makes us use 2 cups lol. Oh well.

I don't share my ice cream sundae. Not because I think it's gross, but because I want the whole thing lol. I mean, he can have a bite or two, but other than that he gets his own.

hz80408 · April 2011

Xan921:
Oh my gosh, ladies, you must be way nicer than I am because if Jason ever did that, I'd grab the box and start bashing him in the face with it lol.

I may need to start trying this!

chantico23 · April 2011

Sharing towels is gross. But like Brooke B, we have separate bathrooms. He gets the master bath, but it's small. I use the main bath, which is the one my SD uses also. A couple of times she's used my towel and I raised holy hell with that. Eww!

Food is the family's food, not mine or his. I plan and cook our meals, so I can't imagine making something without offering to make something for him too.

As far as household chores, I do pretty much everything. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, bill paying. He has a sweet deal. Not really, he works about 70 hours a week and I only work 40ish, so I have a lot more time to spend on the house.

maheard · April 2011

We don't share towels. More because he likes these HUGE fluffy things that make me bonkers because they are just too big and because he is a metal sculptor, I have no idea whats left on his body after a shower..lol

As far as food goes, we do have stuff that is "ours" mainly because I tend to be a little picky and I buy stuff thats more WW friendly and he doesn't. I have also cooked stuff for myself and not for him, he doesn't eat lunch ever so usually I make myself something and eat and I figure if he's hungry he is a 40 year old man he can make his own sandwich.

And household chores, I do most of them. He does help with L a lot which is great but the man couldn't find the broom to save his life.

Boynton1286 · April 2011

Xan921:
We definitely each have our own towel, although, if we're at a hotel or something and don't have enough towels (I use one on my body and one for my hair) then I don't mind using his towel to wrap my hair up in. We've also shared deodorant before if one of us forgets ours (on vacation or staying over at someones house) and we use the same bar of soap in the shower. Honestly, there isn't much I wouldn't share with DH; we also eat and drink after each other.
I also would never prepare myself something to eat without asking him if he wants something too if we are both home, unless he is asleep or something along those lines. If there is only enough for one of us of a certain item, then we always offer it to the other person first or we offer to make them something else. We've had 1 chocolate chip cookie left for a few days now and neither of us have ate in just in the case the other person wants it lol. Any time one of us walks into the kitchen for whatever, we always ask the other one if they need/want anything. I feel like we're just extremely considerate of each other and really think of ourselves as a unit. We don't even put laundry away separate lol, we sit in the bedroom together doing it, he hangs stuff and I fold stuff.
Edit: Def not saying we're all smiles/helpful/sharing is caring all the time; there are plenty of times where one of us or both of us are total a$$holes lol but in general, we do pretty good at working together as a unit.

Mother Effer!! I had a whole thing typed out and it just went away.

So I will just say that we are just like Xan and Jason

To share or not to share?

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