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Had a good talk this afternoon
with my therapist.
I updated her on H's progress (or lack thereof) on the benchmarks that I put in place for him to reach and the amount of time left for him to reach them. I told her how I am feeling angry about the fact that he doesn't appear to be making an effort and she said "that's because he's not, and he probably won't."
We talked about my exit plan, and I identified a couple of things that I was having trouble with and she really helped me put things in perspective and realize that although I may have to do things differently than I would want to in a normal situation, this is not a normal situation and it warrants different tactics.
She gave me some contact information for a possible rental to look into as well.
I know I've said this before, but I really do feel a little stronger every day. As I see the progress that I've made personally and financially to prepare for this, I am seeing myself in a different light. The fact that H told me the other day that he "doesn't like the new (tigersi)" only reinforces the fact that this is right. I am finally being me, and if he doesn't like me, there's no reason to stay and pretend to be someone I'm not.
Re: Had a good talk this afternoon
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The funny thing is the"new me" isn't that new at all. It's the same "me" I was when he met me and we started dating. I just buried her and convinced myself that I was better off being the person he wanted. I know now that I cannot be that person, no matter how much effort I put into it.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I told her that I was done with him trying to change me. She said she completely agrees and understands, but isn't that what I'm trying to do to him too? And, you know what? She was right. It's no more right for me to demand that he change than it is for him to demand the same of me. It's not fair to either one of us, and in that scenario, neither of us will ever be happy. He is who he is. He managed to make me believe that he was someone different for a very long time. Time to move on.
I have been following your story and don't post all that much but wanted to chime n on this one. Please stay strong and follow through, in the long run you will be much happier.
I was in a similar situation with an ex bf that acted very similar to your dh(controlling, verbally abusive), and it can be easy to lose yourself and try to become what they want especially if you have low self esteem to start with. It took me a long time and cost me some good friendships (people that were unacceptable friends to him) to finally see the light. It is amazing when you make that final decision and stop caring about him or what he thinks how much stronger and happier you feel
I left, never looked back and have never been happier. You will too, just stay strong!