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F/U SIL issues...
DH and I had a LONG talk last night and I explained how I felt unsupported by him when his family treated me badly and how I needed him to step up and tell them they had to stop. He said that he never knew I felt that way (unsupported) and that he thought if he got involved he would make things worse but now that he knows how I feel, he will say something as soon as anything happens. I said that I did not want him say something now as I have not seen most of the people involved in a while and it may cause more trouble bringing things up.
He also suggested that we limit the number of functions we go to with certain people until everything is resolved. I told him that in the past I felt like he made me feel guilty when I didn't go to things. He said he could see why I felt that way but that he was really just frustrated and felt like I was punishing myself by not being a part of things when the other people were the jerks, yet they got to celebrate. He didn't want to see me withdrawing and missing out on fun thing... to which I pointed out that I did not have fun at these events anyway so really being at home was far better in my mind.
At the end of the conversation he told me that he was extremely sorry if I did not feel like he had my back or that I was his number one concern and that he would do his best to make sure I never felt that way again and that if I ever did, I had to tell him immediately and not let it fester (an issue I have). Thank you all for your insight... I realized that I had let this go on too long and that was my fault. I am not saying it was my fault for the way I was treated but I never put my foot down and hopefully now things will change... and if not, at least I know that he will support me by not going to functions or making me feel bad for not going.
It's a step in the right direction.... thanks again!
Re: F/U SIL issues...
I am so happy to read your update. He sounds like a good guy. It sounds like you were both trying to do the 'right thing' and missing the mark.
I agree with you that there's no point in him bringing up old stuff to them now, that would just make a bigger mess, but it's good to know he'll speak up if they pull something again.
Good luck, I'm sorry you have to deal with them at all.
Thanks ... he is... I think sometimes too good of a guy. He never wants to hurt anyone and when I said "you realize that by not hurting them, I am the one that is hurt right?" I could see his face change... he looked like he was in physical pain and it was clear that he had never realized that.
That's great!!
Lots of positive updates today
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