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Friend request from my mom..?
As some of you know, the relationship between my mom & I has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Because I live so far from my family, I have the facebook thing so we can all share & can see everybody's photos of the kids & my siblings & all that good, fun, stuff!
Well.. I just got a friend request from my mom today. I have my settings all specific so only friends can view any pictures & comments & I have blocked some people completely. I must admit, I was pretty caught off guard because I thought she was anti-social networks, not to mention I'm still hurt. My older sister says that mom's on this new thing lately where "It's all Love. Nothing Negative." I don't know how to take that because I don't know if it's just another one of her "Up" moments that will (as they have before...) go to "Down" & she'll take it out on anyone. I think I want to accept her friend request, but I want to establish some sort of boundary with her. I'm just not sure how to say it. Any ideas? (tia)
Re: Friend request from my mom..?
I'll start by saying I admittedly don't know your back story.
Why say anything to her? Why not just control what she can and cannot see based on your setting as you are doing with other people today? If she crosses a line, block her entirely.
You also don't have to accept her friend request.
If it won't start a huge fight, I might just ignore it entirely and then play dumb if she asks. If she can see your profile photo but nothing else, you could always say that you don't go on Facebook very often. (This is assuming she can't see your activity, or she wouldn't access your page via some other relative's account and see that you are in fact active.)
If you want to accept her, just put a ton of blocks on what she can see.
Or create a whole new account just to be friends with her, and other relatives that you don't necessarily want to share a lot of things with.
Not knowing the back story of your relationship with her, just knowing how you described it as a 'rollercoaster', I'd say in general, it isn't a good idea.
How is your communication with her? The reason I ask - people who don't know how or don't want to communicate, tend to lean on things like FB. My IL's are that way. For instance, instead of my MIL just calling up DH when she wants to say something or stopping over (we're 5 min away), she will send him a note on FB. Umm...he is never on there.
I see FB as a social network to stay in touch with people from your past, not really a vehicle to build relationships in your present. It's a great way to see baby pics of your old college roommate, not share personal info with your Mom - especially if the two of you need more intensive care than that to nurture your relationship.
Also, from another angle - if you think your Mom will take things to heart or use things against you on there, it's not a good idea to be 'FB friends'.
I don't know your story - but I wouldn't go based solely based on what your sister says about her behavior. (My sisters say my mother is normal and better - but then they talk about her and she is so clearly still delusional.)
I would accept her and give her a super limited profile view. No wall, no photos (except those you explicitly say she can see), etc. Or you can just not accept nor reject and keep her in limbo for a little bit.
GL, that can't be easy.
74 books read in 2011
I'd just ignore. Seriously. You'd have to worry about what she'd see, what she'd say, who she'd say it to, what she'd use against you etc. Save yourself a lot of trouble, hit ignore, and continue to hit ignore every time it pops up.
Life's too short to have to worry about facebook, for god's sake. Your mom is your mom, sure; but clearly this woman is not your friend.