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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Stealing......
I think I'm right and my SIL thinks she's right.....
I believe it is NOT age appropriate for a 12 year old to be stealing and my SIL feels like it is! What do you ladies think? Oh and I should also add that he has ADHD and she blamed it on that.....which I don't agree with either! Especially when he is on atleast 4 different meds to "help" him!
Moral of the story.....we had our nephew spend the night 2 nights and the day he went to leave he tried stealing 15 toys from Joshua.....yes, his 4 year old cousin!! They were all tucked away in his suitcase under all of his clothes! Ugh!
Re: Stealing......
I think I stole a pack of gum from the grocery store when I was like 8 or something and I was a real clepto when I was in my early teens. I eventually got over it and I am a pretty honest and trustworthy person now. I don't think stealing is right regardless of what age you are, but I think a lot of kids go through a stealing stage, right or wrong.
A story similar to yours happened to my sister. Her ex-husband had two kids from a previous marriage and they would come stay with my sister for two weeks in the summer. One time when they were leaving, some of my niece's stuff fell out of one of the kid's bags. Needless to say that my sister was pissed. I think it had a lot to do with jealousy. I don't know enough about your situation to venture a guess as to why your nephew would want to steal from your son.
Also, just because someone is on medication for something, it doesn't mean that we should expect them to act the way that we would in certain situations. While his behavior may be better on the medication, he may still have issues controlling himself.
That totally sounded bad.....because I totally agree about the meds! They help him a lot! I just don't like how she uses his ADHD and his meds as an excuse for everthing he does wrong instead of "parenting" him! She wanted to ignore his stealing like it didn't even happen because he can't help it! But my point was....yes kids do steal but they still have to be taught that it's not a good thing to do!
Even if he does have issues "controlling himself", then that's where it's up to the parent to either not put him in situations where he is going to steal or work extra hard to help him overcome his issue. Ignoring it is not going to help him get better.
I stole stuff when I was a teenager too...I think that's fairly normal. However, if my parents found out about it they would have been p!ssed! They certainly would not have ignored the issue, that's for sure! Also I never felt like I couldn't control myself either...
I'm confused-- when is it ever age appropriate to steal anything? Or is this a question of him being old enough to know that he's stealing and not that he's just of the opinion that everything belongs to him (like a 2 or 3 year old may believe)?
I stole a candy bar when I was 8 or 9. Knew it was wrong and did it anyway. Cause I was a kid and my parents didn't let us have candy. Soooo.... yes, I knew it was wrong but I also figured my motives made up for that. LOL
I think in the case of your nephew-- age appropriate or not, medications for ADHD or not-- his mom needs to explain to him that it is not okay to take things that don't belong to him and his cousin's toys do NOT belong to him. End of story.
Just my two cents, though.
When I was seven I took a little metal branding hang tag off a purse in a department store (it was fastened on with one of those clip together ball chains) because I thought it was really pretty and I was consumed with guilt afterwards.
I didn't think it was normal for a 12 year old to steal things but reading these other responses, maybe I was the oddball?!
And I agree that your sister should be parenting him and not using his ADHD as an excuse for anything. That isn't going to help him in the long run either.
While I don't think that it is abnormal for it to happen around that age, I do think that actions need to be taken when it does. I know too many kids who have parents that make excuses for them and it doesn't help teach them anything. I think that something as simple as a talk about right and wrong and an apology note would be a reasonable consequence for something like this. It is important for kids at that age to realize that ALL actions have reactions and not to assume that a parent will always be able to get them off the hook.