Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sex as a weapon?
Hi! I'm new to the board, so I thought I'd tell you a bit about myself. My husband and I were married last summer and moved from Denver, CO to Rochester,NY last fall so I could begin a doctorate program in clinical psychology at the University of Rochester. My emphasis is marriage/relationship/sexual research. Anyway, I'm working on getting a research study up and running about how people use sex as a weapon in their relationships, or how they've experienced a partner using it as such.
I'd really appreciate some help to get me started!
Does anyone have any stories about how you or someone else used sex in a negative way (like to get something you want)?
Thanks in advance! 
Re: Sex as a weapon?
Ahhhh, Rottenchester.
1. Someone once told me that I was like sexual napalm. That sounds like sex as a weapon.
2. Sometimes men cry after having sex with me. ??? !!!!
3. Sometimes men leave me money after sex. money gets me stuff I want.
Oh , wait #1 was jessica simpson.
I use choreplay on my DH sometimes. Does that qualify?
I never exprienced it but I know about it, It's kinda like people will hold sex as a way to punish their partners, kinda like when husband makes wife mad and they had an argument or some sort, and then the wife is not gonna have sex with him for x amount of days to punish him?
It can and will backfire. First of all, the husband will most likely find some other woman that he can release his pent up needs with and that's cheating; and second of all I feel like she's punishing both of them. By withdrawing sex she refrains both of them to get pleasure. I understand once in a while the wife isn't in the mood but it's a no no to hold off sex to punish the other person. It goes both ways and that's not a healthy relationship.
Thank you for this insight!!
Shoot, you can get money for sex?? LOL
Weapon? You see a penis as a weapon and yourself the hurt victim ?
This paragraph made me stabby.
If you're married to a guy who's going to cheat when going without sex for a short period of time, it's time to cut bait and move on IMO, or maybe counseling. However, cheating is a deal breaker for me and I feel that a guy who would do that is an immature douche. Therefore, someone I would not want to be married to.
Furthermore, if you are having a fight and not having sex, it isn't necessarily bc you're using sex as a weapon. It could be bc you're too pissed off to be near your SO, let alone do the nasty with them. O and both men and women can masturbate, so you aren't really depriving yourselves of pleasure either.
i have a few examples of varying degrees of severity
1.) in my relationship i am the one with the bigger libido, because of this Patrick will barter sex for other favors i.e. "i will have sex with you tonight if you....(minor things that i would otherwise avoid doing like buying him a loose cigarette while he is quitting) " this is a very unhealthy aspect of our relationship and though it doesn't happen all the time it happens often enough that it is a problem
2.) a friend of mine very much does deny sex when she is mad at her s/o or wants him to change his position on something they disagree on (for example her s/o loaned money they couldn't afford to his drug addict brother and she refused to have sex with him until the brother paid them back)
3.) i have observed many people use sex to end an awkward relationship ... the other day Patrick and i were talking about it and his position was that sometimes it is easier to break away from someone who is unwilling to let go if you can say you cheated