Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Venting about Mother's Day
I hate buying my MIL a present! She never uses/enjoys what we get her, even though we get a list of things she'd like directly from her and choose off that list. She told me last night that she never used the manicure and pedicure GC we gave her last year and it's long expired so we just threw that money away. DH wants to continue giving her gifts but it frustrates me so much that we're throwing money away because she never uses or just complains about what we give her!
So, should we continue buying her the expensive things off her list or get her something cheap like flowers? TIA!
Re: Venting about Mother's Day
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree. We buy flowers and dinner, and I think that is sufficient.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
Absolutly!!! We get a small gift for MIL or may be pitch in with other sibs if she wants something bigger. But my mother lives far away and is happy with simplier things. I send a card with a nice letter in it. and usaully a long phone call on the day. But we send things through the mail throughout the year as a I thought you might enjoy this. That means more.
Your MIL sounds like a real pill. If she is wasting your gifts I would seriously dail back how much is being spent. OR you and your H take her out to dinner and a card for mothers day. ( But make it clear that that is the present)
Put your H in charge of buying for her, but make sure it's money you don't mind going to waste.
Or just get her flowers.
You're not throwing money away. Once you buy and give a gift, it's no longer yours. So who cares what happens to it, or if they waste it??
And, you are not required to buy something off the list. If that's what you choose to do, that's your choice. But pick something different if you so choose, as well. A gift is just that. No one can force you to give them anything, especially something specific.
She can't make you do anything. If you choose to bow to that, that's on you.
Make her an organic glitter basket! lol!
Seriously though...I have the same problem. Good luck in the gift quest!
If MIL openly admitted to not using a gift from you & DH and let it go to waste then I would see that as a legitimate reason to not put thought or money into a gift for her.
IMO, I kind of see Mother's Day & Father's Day as a 'novelty' retail holiday and not an 'actual' holiday. Therefore, given the relationship at hand that you have with your mom or dad, I don't think a gift cements that or lessens that feel.
I think just a simple phone call acnkowledging the day and saying something like, "Hey mom, you're the best..." or a simple card with a written meaningful paragraph in it is a nice enough gesture.
Find a charity you think she'd like and do a "a donation has been made in your name" gift.
I don't get my MIL anything for any holiday
Just get her a card with a nice message. Make your husband use his own personal funds if he wants to get something more pricey.
I cannot wrap my mind around this one. Why on earth would she even share something like that with you? How rude. And I'm sorry, I would have asked her that also. Especially if it was something on her gift list.
Has she always been like this when your husband was growing up? Difficult to buy for, doesn't appreciate what he gives her? Or did this crap start after he got married and this is her passive aggressive way of getting his attention?
I ask this because the boy I was dating in high school, his mother was very sensitive and needy. If she thought her DILs made gift decisions w/out any input from her sons, she found a way to twist that into "my sons don't care about me." Even when the DILs made great gift choices.
DH has said that she's been difficult and unappreciative his entire life. For the most part DH calls her out on bad behavior but he doesn't think that this is such a big deal so we continue to get her gifts and I roll my eyes in private about how obnoxious she is.
Are you saying that if you dropped say, a hundred bucks on your MIL for something she specifically asked for, and then she flat out told you she let it go to waste and threw it away, you wouldn't be pissed? That'd be the last time I got that person a gift, that's for sure. I think it's the fact she made sure to mention that she threw it in the trash that's the most ridiculous. What an ungrateful witch.