Sex & Romance
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Newlywed with a minute man...

I need some advice...more like encouragement. We've been married about 6 months and I feel like his endurance hasn't improved. Just when we get a good rhythm going, he's ready to "go" and I've barely gotten started. I will admit, there is very little foreplay beforehand. Also, we saved sex for marriage, so this is all really new to us. Any pointers on how to fix my minute man?

Re: Newlywed with a minute man...

  • More foreplay focusing on you so that by the time you guys transition to having sex you're already beyond started.
    Thanks to our wonderful RE our family is complete!
    DS #1 10.12.12
    DS #2 10.24.14

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  • More foreplay and go slowly.

    You and he should also check out sex manuals for couples --- mainstream bookstores sell them.

    This too will pass.;) He's inexperienced and that's what the root of your problem is. GL.

  • imageTarponMonoxide:

    More foreplay and go slowly.

    You and he should also check out sex manuals for couples --- mainstream bookstores sell them.

    This. You'll work it out!! It just takes time! 

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  • Have you made him aware that you are unhappy and his behavior is unacceptable?  Does he at least help you finish?

    He CAN help it.  He can practice by himself.  Google "edging". 

  • Definitely agree with pps. Go slow and tons of foreplay.
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  • Have him take care of himself beforehand, or plan to have sex twice in a row: one time really quickly, and one time that lasts longer.  My H travels a lot and he makes sure to "handle," as we call it, the day before he gets home :)
  • The problem is u both have to learn how to have sex.

    when u want sex its not penetration immediately

     first u get the wife wet enough to be entered ,kiss on right neck,kiss on right side between waist and arm,kiss on both inner thigh and gentle rub on love button .also playing with breasts kissing,touching,sucking nipple might help

    but remember u both r having sex with each other like if the man thrusts and u on the bottom u move sideways or in an 8 or if woman on top she thrust u arc up to meet her thrust. u do this for deep penetration

    Now the woman has to learn to do keagels to slow down the urgency the man has upon entry by clamping on his organ so she has a chance to catch up by using the clit and g spot  stimulated by  deep. penetration

    remember that g spot on the woman has to be stimulated so find it then angle ur self so u feel it being touched

    when woman feel the urgency in man can't be controlled any more and she is there ready to go over release clamp and u both should climax together at the same time. 

     

  • My husband's technique to make him last longer as become essential; changing positions when he feels he's about orgasm. I've seen this many times in sex advice books too so it seems to be a key way for improvement in longevity :) Mainly, the idea is to have different aspects to your lovemaking. I encourage you to get some books since this is all new to you!
  • I don't understand why so many people suggest masturbation to people who saved sex for marriage. Most people who abstain before marriage do so for religious reasons. Most religions that preach abstainance also preach against masturbation.
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  • I would have to agree with the foreplay. I discourage masturbation. Personally, once DH is done, he is done and then i would feel like there is no need for me anymore. Take it slow and switching positions is also good.
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  • I agree with others, foreplay and go slow, but if he feels like he is going to "go" then switch positions. Sometimes that helps a guy get out of the rythm. Otherwise, you could always stop...with him inside then switch. Some guys "go" faster if they are on top or doggy style.
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  • Foreplay beforehand.  Try it, you'll like it!
  • I'm so glad to see that the excessively creepy sideobserver has returned to the boards. You haven't learned how to stop being uber creepy yet, so I suppose this is status quo.
    Thanks to our wonderful RE our family is complete!
    DS #1 10.12.12
    DS #2 10.24.14

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  • First let me say congratulaitons on getting married and that's awesome that ya'll waited. As far as sex lives go I am in the same boat. My H and I have been together for 8 years and I'm sorry to say that the sex hasn't really gotten any better. The one thing I have found is that if he's drunk it lasts a lot longer. I think all of the advice you have received is very helpful and you should try it. We are still trying to get things figured out. I wish yall the best of luck and hope that it gets resolved quickly. Just DONT give up!
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  • Does he know how you feel about it?  There is nothing that you can do about it on your own, he has to be the one to take control of it.  That said, my DH will either change positions in order to take a break but not break the mood, or he will think of something really un sexual, like a mouse trap or a math problem.  It usually works!
  • It's a new frontier for the two of you. BOTH of you should do some reading up. Do an internet search if you're too shy to buy sex books. There is a ton of info out there if you only look.

    Advice about the mechanics:

    I'd say make him take care of you before you begin intercourse. Have him stimulate you with his hands or orally until you climax. After you climax once it's easier and faster right after. Then you can have sex and have your orgasms tandem. He'll feel good about himself for getting you there and you'll be satisfied. Happy marriage!

    Long term you'll learn more and he will eventually gain stamina. You just have to put in the homework.

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  • imagemeltoine:
    I don't understand why so many people suggest masturbation to people who saved sex for marriage. Most people who abstain before marriage do so for religious reasons. Most religions that preach abstainance also preach against masturbation.

     

    Many, but not all. And not everyone follows every law in their religion. The choice to abstain from pre-marital sex, and other sexual activities pre or post marriage, is very personal. I find most people tailor their actions to their private needs and beliefs. Doesn't hurt to make the suggestion.

     That being said, masturbation is my suggestion. I encourage my guy to "pre-game" a few hrs before I want to do the do. Also, the position change works. We also put on a condom half way through for desensitizing purposes. There's also numbing lube.

    He needs to find something to distract himself. I give my guy a math problem to solve while we have sex. Sounds strange, but he says it really helps. Toss in lots of female focused foreplay, and lots of sex in general. Overtime, he'll get better. IMO, the more we do it, the more used to it he'll get. Good luck.

  • a couple suggestions

    first try having you control the rhythm, get on top and get in a good rhythm and if it seems like he is getting to excited slow down or stop  make out without grinding on him until he relaxes away from his peak then bring him their again you can keep doing this until you are ready for him to climax this will start conditioning him to last longer and it is great for him

     second get him drunk, it's worth a try i know Patrick goes from being good to being a freaking SEX GOD with a six pack in him so from time to time i will let him get plastered and keep me up all night ( i don't really drink)

    third condoms do in fact reduce the stimulation to his penis and could help him last longer and they make some that numb him a bit further 

    and lastly go twice let him have his minuet O share a cup of coffee and then go again he should last longer the second time around

  • imagecarcrashheart:
    I'm so glad to see that the excessively creepy sideobserver has returned to the boards. You haven't learned how to stop being uber creepy yet, so I suppose this is status quo.

    god i was wondering about that

  • I would suggest trying different positions don't stick to one position the whole time. Tell him if you feel like your about to *** stop and lets make out or tell him to pull out and hold the tip of his penis for a second. That way he doesn't finish to soon, I had this problem my husband because once he finished I didn't wanna keep going to get mine I was done.
  •   Have DH stroke slower. Have DH look away from the lady parts and only into your eyes. Some men are very visual.  
  • imagemeltoine:
    I don't understand why so many people suggest masturbation to people who saved sex for marriage. Most people who abstain before marriage do so for religious reasons. Most religions that preach abstainance also preach against masturbation.

    Um, maybe because the best way to get to know your own body is to spend time with it?  You have absolutely no business expecting someone else to discover what makes you feel good if you can't point them in the right direction.  That's a recipe for a lot of frustrating nights. 

    ESPECIALLY for men, if they don't have any practice with learning to stave off orgasm, they are generally going to be less than long-lasting in the bedroom.  If you're okay with that, great.  If you're not okay with that, then how about trying something that has been proven to help with your problem?  If you avoid it just because it's "icky" or "wrong," then you're pretty much doomed to continue your same bedroom patterns.  Which is more important to you? 

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