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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Punishment for 10 year old
I am at a loss for ways to punish oru 10 year old. He keeps getting in trouble at school. We have taken away all tv, game systems, phone, computer, friends, etc. We've even busted his butt and nothing seems to help. Advice please!!
Re: Punishment for 10 year old
Mommy's little helper
I don't think taking things away really works that well. You need to figure out why he's doing what he's doing and address that.
Find some logical consequences. Like if he's being rude to a teacher he needs to figure out how to make it up to the teacher (apology letter, staying late to help out with something, etc). If his assignments are late he misses recess to make up the work.
And maybe working toward a reward would help (after a week of positive reports take him out to breakfast). My 10 y/o responds well to that kind of thing.
If you like reading -- check out Kids Are Worth It and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen.
Oh geeze .. he's a good kid with straight A's and he's getting this kind of punishment for flipping peas in the lunch room, a 10 year old? Why is this a home punishment anyway? Why isn't the school following through with consequences for this? I am NO advocate for passing on parent responsibilities but I think allof this punishment is ineffective because it has nothing to do with the behavior you are trying to change.
It's probalby fun to goof off with his friends in the lunchroom. What does he care if he can't watch TV 5 hours from then? And if he's a 10 year old who's always done well, he's probably experimenting with breaking rules just to see what happens. And b/c he's a nice kid, he knows he's not doing anything that bad. Stop all of this harsh punishment, its not working anyway and do some character building with him. Like extra chores or helping an elderly neighbor. Something positive to DO, somehting he can be proud of when he's done. Or just support the school with their consequences. Hitting his but and taking everything away just seems like such a disconnect. Something simplier like having to move tables or report to the library would be so much more effective.
So he's a perfect child otherwise, and the acting out only occurs in the lunchroom?
If you think he's just being a twit, you can always just go have lunch with him every day for a few weeks, since he can't seem to manage his own lunch time, till you see that he can behave himself at lunch. When my younger brother skipped school and wouldn't stop, my dad took off two weeks of work and went to every class with him, sat with him, had lunch with him. Not angrily; not punitively; just in a 'I want to see why it is you're not going to these classes, and it's clear you need more of my attention" way.
Something's up at lunch; no one else seems to know what it is; go find out.
And I agree with the others, stop with the taking things away and hitting. That's not helpful. I will bet even money just talking to him about coming to lunch to see what's happening to him that 'makes' him have to act this way will be enough to work a miraculous cure.
And, if he's being bullied etc, you'll see that as well.
Is he lacking attention from you or your husband?
If so, could be that he is seeking attention. Good or bad!
I agree with this. I'm all for reinforcing discipline at home when something happens at school. But sometimes the discipline at school is enough. If he's being a goof during lunch and has a consequence at school, then I'd leave it alone unless it becomes a daily thing. It you pull out the big guns with this, then the big guns are less effective when you really need them.
Pretty much this.
His behavior, while annoying, is pretty appropriate for a 10 year old well developing boy. He's letting off steam with friends. Let the school manage the consequences around this- unless it is a matter of character like lying or hurting people- I subscribe to the Las Vegas School of Parenting- what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
My advice? Stop using your son as some sort of straight A meat puppet accessory to bathe yourself in student-of-the-month glory and let him be a kid. Are you that mom, the one with the "My child is an honor student at ..." bumper sticker on your Town&Country?
Corporal punishment is an ineffective yet klassy strategy. Old people who are abused are usually the same folks who didn't spare the rod. What goes around comes around.
I'm a lurker here, but I found this interesting. First of all... I don't want to bring any judgment. You love you son and you are doing everything you can to do what you think is right for him. That's never easy! Bravo to you for caring that he is exhibiting disrespectful behavior in the school cafeteria. It would be easy to brush that off as typical 10yo behavior, think that it's just the schools problem or blame his choices on any number of extrinsic reasons. The fact is, he is making choices that are not appropriate and your goal is to help him stop.
What consequences have the school put in place? I don't mind the idea of taking things away, as long as he knows what he needs to do to earn them back. For example: if a child loves playing video games, it may be effective to take the privilege away with the idea that every day he comes home from school, and he has made fifth grade responsible choices, he can play 15/20 minutes of video games. Do that every day for two weeks and he can go back to having his games back completely.
I agree with pp about lecturing kids. As a k-5 teacher, I quickly realized that kids respond well to clear, concise directions. In my experience, kids respond best when they know exactly what is expected, and what the consequences will be. PP mentioned they tune out after 10 words... I wonder if they can attend that long if they are being lectured about behavior. : )
Good luck with your situation. Being a parent must be the toughest job on the planet!