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what other things should I consider in this decision?
I posted this on my FB, but I'm hoping to get some impartial feedback from you ladies.
I was offered my almost-dream-job in Raleigh and my H is was told he can transfer to his company's Raleigh location. However...
We just (2 months ago) moved into a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood with little kids that are DS's age. We have H's two sets of aunts, uncles, and cousins not too far away. We have made some good friends here. H is very happy in his job. AND, it is just barely close enough to drive to Michigan to see my family for a long weekend.
My current job is 20 hours / week, pays a good hourly wage, and very flexible. They are very nice to me and treat me well. This job allows me to stay home with DS half the week and I enjoy that part of it so much. The problem is that there is not much challenge or growth opportunity. I work alone in a 1 person office and everyone else is in out of state. I also have some (although minimal) concern about how long the office will be in existence, since it is obviously very expensive to keep a 1 person office in the heart of DC and our subsidized lease is up in September. It is a very laid-back, minimum pressure type job and I'm probably not getting tons of stuff for my resume for when DS does go to school and I go back FT. However, I'm not totally out of the workforce and maybe I can segue into something else in higher education.
If we moved, H would be working from home
and we would most likely get his company's childcare subsidy for FT
daycare at a licensed place. The job I would take is a Senior Project
Manager related to electric transportation, which is exactly what I wanted to do,
using the skills I wanted to use. NC is very active in this space.
They picked me out of 300+ applicants. It is with a nonprofit that is
funded mostly by utility surcharges (so no major funding concerns), has a
great corporate culture, and excellent benefits. The pay is a slight
step down, though, and it is a 40 hour/week job. Raleigh has a lower
cost of living, and if H is at the same level, we would be better
off. Plus, everyone has said Raleigh is a nice area.
My brain is telling me to think of the future and my career and that it is a great opportunity that I shouldn't pass up (and if I do, I can probably kiss something else with electric vehicles goodbye, since I've been out of the loop awhile already.) My heart is telling me that after all of the chaos of commuting from MD to MI for so long, then moving to MD, then having DS, then moving again, I'm just ready for some stability and we should keep it simple and stay here. I cry at the thought of putting DS in FT daycare, (but I would get over that right?). I feel like with my current job, it is a good balance.
What other things should I consider in my decision?
Re: what other things should I consider in this decision?
oof. that's a lot to think about.
Raleigh is supposed to be a great place (despite the recent nearby tornadoes...). Lots of civic engagement bc of the local colleges and research money. COL is lower.
Is the step down in pay from what you'd get if you worked 40 hrs at your current job (which you're already not doing), or from the current 20 hours a week?
While I can certainly understand how it's a factor to be considered, I'd be less concerned with your son having friends in your current neighborhood. He's so very young, he won't remember them (you will, and that may be what's making you sad). Moving him to a FT daycare is also something that may be upsetting to you, but consider, also, that in just a few short years, he'd be in school anyway.
If this is a field that you've worked hard to get into (sounds like it), where there are few openings (sounds like it), and your husband's job can also transfer (what are the odds of that?), it seems to be that moving is the best choice for your long-term future. That is not at all to say that the first year may be tough, and that it's another big change for you guys, but with the move here, you've already shown you can handle it.
I understand the desire for stability. I am just not sure that what you have now will be stable in the future.. but it sounds like the Raleigh move wold put you in a better position.
So much to consider.... good luck! and hang in there -- you and your H will make the right decision for your family, in the end.
"What is a week-end?"
It definitely sounds like Raliegh will give you a chance at a more stable future. Do you own your current house or is it a rental. That may be a huge factor in the decision process if you own.
Also, my MIL and SIL live in the Raliegh area and they love it. I love visiting them - the area is so much more laid back then this area.....
It is a tough choice. Let us know what you all decide.
Ugh, that's a really tough call so I can see why you are very torn.
I have lived in Raleigh and it is a really nice area and a great place to raise a family. Also, the job for you sounds great. However, having family close when raising kids is super important to me. Do you see the aunts, uncles and cousins regularily and are they an important part of you and DS's life or are they sort of on the fringe? Also, do you think they plan to stay in this area? That would weigh into my decision depending on how close I am with them and how involved they are in LO's life.
As far as having DS in daycare full time, I know that would be a big transition but I do think you'd get over it. I was so worried about putting DD in FT daycare at first but now I realize it's the best thing for my family. She's so happy there and gets lots of stimulation, love, and has friends there. I think I'm a more balanced mom because I have a career that I enjoy and I still feel like I get plenty of time with her in the morning, evenings and weekends.
I would also think about whether this could be your long-term permanent home or whether this change may only be for a few years. If you think you could be living in Raleigh for the long-haul, then you can justify that you'll make new friends there and get settled eventually.
I agree with the PP about making a pros and cons list which considers everyone in the family's needs (including yours). Hopefully after making that list, having some discussion and sleeping/praying on it, the answer will come to light. Good luck with the decision. I know it must be a tough one.
There's a lot to consider.
Do you rent currently or would you have to sell your house (or rent it out?) That would be a huge thing for me. If I were to loose a bunch of money on the house, i'd stay.
Moving costs money. Can you afford to move again so soon?
Ditto Pam&John about the pay being a step down - how much of a step down and what is it a step down from? Will your husband make the same he's making now?
To me, moving for a job is only worth if it you get a better deal - if you're going to be making more money then by all means move, but if not, it doesn't seem worth it.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
if you plan to stay in NC long-term, go for it, sounds like a great opportunity. How do you feel about moving back here if it doesn't work out?
Something to consider: living in this area, we tend to get very busy without even knowing it. I'm always a bit put off when my fam in Richmond talks about doing this or that on week nights. Because the commute times are SO much shorter for everyone, you can do more during the week. It's nothing to go to the grocery store, or do other errands, or play a sport, b/c there is still time left in the day. That leaves weekends for really fun stuff :-) I'm jealous. NC will likely be similar.
Also, if your husband works from home, will he be able to have some time with your kid (like if he starts work early, and can pick him up from daycare and hang out) before you get home. That would be pretty valuable to me (hey, even without kids, I know that my cats like their afternoon couch time with the hubz!)
I feel like if we could get what we need professionally somewhere else (in a town we'd like to live it) we'd for sure move. DC is exhausting. Life doesn't have be as crazy as it is here. That being said, I like it here and really take advantage of what the area has to offer. If that's not something you've been doing, then no loss if you move.
I lived in Chapel Hill (right outside of Raleigh) for 2 glorious years while DH was in grad school at UNC. We love it there, it's really a fantastic place to live. The COL is low, the weather is good, there are great restaurants and parks, and you're barely 2 hours from Wrightsville Beach, one of my favoritest places ever :-) If there were any sort of career prospects for DH down there we would go back as fast as we could.
But being far away from family and friends is tough, especially when kids are small...so that should definitely weigh into your decision.
At this point in our lives, moving away from family would be the biggest consideration. I'm so happy with the relationship C has with this grandparents and would hate to take that away from any of them. BUT, you're talking about your DH's aunts and uncles. I have no idea how close you guys are, but unless it's super close and you see them every week and they babysit frequently and whatnot, I could definitely move away from aunts and uncles.
DH and I seriously considered a move to either the Research Triangle area or Charlotte a few years ago. But having C definitely complicates things, especially when it comes to leaving family.
I'm an NC native and think the Research Triangle area is a wonderful place to live. We think about moving down there a lot and if the right job opportunity for DH opened up (my job would be easy to do down there) we'd be hard pressed to turn it down. Great weather, schools, culture, food, quality of life, etc.
The job opportunity sounds awesome and like a better long-term fit for you. But only you can determine how much the family considerations matter to you.
The step down is from what I was last making when I worked FT last year, but also from now if I break it down to an hourly rate.
My son is only 3 months old, so it isn't about having friends, but more that our current neighborhood would be a really good neighborhood and that he would have lots of kids his age.
Also, our house that we just moved into is one that we just had built. DH and I picked out every detail together. Since we already have two homes in Michigan that depreciated so terribly and are currently renting out, I think we'd have to try to sell this one.
Re: would it be our long term home? I guess I haven't really thought about that. Our plan was to try to get back to Michigan in a few years if the economy there picks up.
Re: moving costs...they offered me relocation assistance. They wouldn't take care of our house, but it includes a house hunting trip and moving expenses.
Only for interviewing. H has been there 4 or 5 times already for his job.
P.S. I hadn't been on in awhile and obviously my pic is outdated. Can anyone help me change it? Every time I try to, I get a "server error" message. Is there some trick to it?