September 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Depression

I know some ladies have talked about feeling depressed lately.  This is something I have struggled with since I was a teen, but usually manage ok.  Both my parent's had it, and my mother still has it.  Last year I went off my anti-depressant because I didn't know if it was contributing to my migraines.  I also thought I could do without it.  I became really depressed. I basically wasn't happy with my life.  We got ourselves into debt, maybe because I used shopping as therapy.  I felt like last year was my year of quitting.  We had to postpone vacations because of money.  I came 8 miles short of finishing my MS bike ride.  I had two part-time jobs and quit both for different reasons.

I hurt my knee skiing and was getting terrible migraines, so wasn't working out.

I felt like there was a let down after the wedding.  there was so much excitement, and then all these people just kind of went MIA.  I felt like I wasn't fun enough for my single friends, esp. because I can't really drink due to migraines.  But then my friends with kids would just want to hang out with other friends with kids, and I felt like they would talk down to me. 

Sometimes I would come home and just cry.

 I gained almost 20 pounds, which just made me more depressed.

After the new year, I decided to go back on my antidepressant.  I also had my knee looked at so I could get back into exercise.   I started taking vitamins that may help, and went to the gym.  I also decided to stay off of FB/TN for a little while and think that helped until I was less depressed. I think on FB, it would seem like everyone's life was better and more exciting than mine. I was focusing on what I didn't have.

I remember a quote a teacher used to have on her wall:

"Just because things didn't turn out the way you wanted doesn't mean they turned out badly." I would try to tell myself that.

I hope the ladies who have been feeling depressed will get the help they need and know it does get better.

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Re: Depression

  • After the new year, I decided to go back on my antidepressant.  I also had my knee looked at so I could get back into exercise.   I started taking vitamins that may help, and went to the gym.  I also decided to stay off of FB/TN for a little while and think that helped until I was less depressed. I think on FB, it would seem like everyone's life was better and more exciting than mine. I was focusing on what I didn't have.

    I definitely know how this feels. I've thought about quitting TN and FB many times, because of this. I'm really bad about comparing myself to other people. Sometimes I think I may be slightly bipolar, as in not enough to really need help, but I definitely have high and low days. The last year and a half have been one emotional rollercoaster after the next.

    I'm glad to hear that things are looking up for you, though. Hugs!

  • That was very brave of you Mel to share this here. I am glad that you were able to find some solutions to things that were affecting you. And from things you've posted in the past, you seem like an active person, so I've no doubt that your knee injury and inability/lack of desire to work out contributed to your depression. As I'm sure you know, exercise can play a huge part in making you feel better about yourself (endorphins, etc).

    I also really like that quote. I've never heard it before but damn if it isn't something we all need to remember. It's really easy to compare ourselves to others and dwell on what we don't have or what didn't work out, so it takes a strong person to acknowledge that and move on, find the positive.

    I pretty much only go online during the work day (which doesn't help my productivity a helluva lot but I'm not loving my job at the moment so it's an escape) and I think that's been good for me. I've found that there's a tendency for a lot of negativity and soul-sucking stuff on the Internet and it's not a bad idea to take a break from that.

    Anyway, thanks again for sharing. And good luck with the knee!

  • Thank you for sharing this, Mel.

    *hugs*

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  • Thanks Mel. This really touched me.  I have been there. I too have suffered with this for over 15 yrs.  Everyday is a gift and a struggle at times. Being medicated helps, but, in my case, doesn't work for long.

    Lately, it's been pretty hard for me. My cousin (who is like my sister) said the other day to a friend of ours, "I miss her smile".  If she sees a difference, what must H be thinking?  I'm sure he must be afraid to say something.  I guess I should take your lead and make a call to see what can be done.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  • Thanks so much for sharing this Mel!  I think some people are embarrased about having a mental illness.  However, it is no different than being physically sick.   I don't suffer from depression but I have extreme anxiety.  I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) about 4 years ago and have been on meds since.  They changed my life.  I used to have anxiety attacks all.the.time.  My brain would never shut up and I always thought something terrible was going to happen (even if my logic told me otherwise).  It felt like there was always a battle going on between my anxiety and logic in my brain.

    It also runs in my family.  My mom had very serious depression.  She was suicidal most of my childhood.  My sister was diagnosed slightly bipolar. 

    I am very open about my anxiety and I don't feel ashamed about it all.  Anyone who asks about it, I gladly share my story.  I feel like too many people don't seek help because they feel like it is something embarrassing or shameful to have.

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  • I am very open about my anxiety and I don't feel ashamed about it all.  Anyone who asks about it, I gladly share my story.  I feel like too many people don't seek help because they feel like it is something embarrassing or shameful to have. ~Kmo

    I feel the same way about my anxiety. I usually go into TMI with it because it makes me feel better to get my story out and maybe help someone else struggling and afraid to talk or get help. 

    Depression and Bipolar Depression also run in my family (my mom is one child of 5, and 3 of the sisters have some sort of diagnosed depression). So I'm scared to death that I'll develop it in addition to my anxiety. 

    I'm 99% sure I have some sort of borderline depression issues (but it could just be a combination of anxiety and low self-esteem). I've talked with therapists many times. And Mel, thank you for sharing. It's really brave of you to open yourself up like that. {{hugs}}

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  • Thanks everyone for the kind words.  Just wanted you to know I've been there.  I feel like as a social worker/therapist I should be an expert, but it can happen to anyone.
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  • imagemelpfaff:

    We got ourselves into debt, maybe because I used shopping as therapy 

     Oh yes, my drugs of choice were Coach and Macy's when I was depressed. Stick out tongue

    I know I don't get to come on as often because I've been slammed at work.  I've suffered with depression my whole life and it came back with a vengeance after I had my little one.  Thank you for sharing because it is always a relief to know I'm not alone.

    Congrats on climbing out of the black hole; keep staying strong girl:)

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