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what would you do?
Alright, I need a little advice and some opinions...
Someone I used to be friends with, but am no longer for various reasons, apparently had the balls to use me as a reference for a job she recently applied for. I know for a fact that her references were recently updated, which is why I say she had the balls to use me as one since we aren't speaking or friendly anymore. Anyway, yesterday I came home to a message on my answering machine asking if I could speak on her behalf and give a recommedation for her for this new job she applied for. They left a number, asked for me to return the call, and then called again while I was out this morning.
I'm torn on what to do. In this case I feel like I've got threee options: I could be a huge snob and call them and give her a crappy recommendation (since this is a character reference, not a professional one), I could suck it up, be the bigger person and give her a nice one...or I could just leave it alone and not return the call which would mean they'd have to get another reference for her.
What would you do?? I'm leaning towards just not doing anything. I don't really want to get involved or be involved with this person in any way, and I'm feeling like leaving it alone would be the easiest way to go and the least stressful. But then again, part of me feels like it's the right thing to do to fake it, give them a nice recommendation and call it a day.
I'm so confused!!!
Re: what would you do?
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
Ditto this. Don't make a reference at all, and make sure she knows it's not okay.
Agreed. Or you could call them back and let them know that you were unaware that your name was being used as a reference and at this time you're not comfortable or prepared to make any sort of recommendation.
I was thinking this.
What an annoying situation for you. Sorry
Normally shouldn't she have notified you that she was going to use you as a reference? I would ignore the call, which would force her to find a new reference.
She will get the hint.
She should have told you if she was going to use you as a reference. And that is really strange that she would use you if you no longer are friends.
I agree with the other advice to tell her it's not ok that she used you as a reference. Also I agree with Lauren that you might want to just call them back and say that you were unaware and are unprepared at this time to give a reference. That way they aren't trying to contact you every day and left in limbo about whether you're going to return the call.
That is a sucky situation to be in, sorry :-/
i agree with pps. call here and tell her you dont appreciate but also dont leave the poor HR guy in reference limbo. not his fault she's a dipsh*t
House Renovations
Married Bio
I am a gluten-free, gun-toting wife! :P
I love you, Daddy...2/24/1953 to 2/13/2011
Ditto here. Although if I'm honest I probably wouldn't have the guts to call her. I would definitely call HR guy though and tell him you aren't comfortable with giving a ref.
I'm picturing reference limbo in my head and honestly it's pretty hilarious. :-)
my read shelf:
I bet there's REALLY crappy hold music in reference limbo :P
House Renovations
Married Bio
I am a gluten-free, gun-toting wife! :P
I love you, Daddy...2/24/1953 to 2/13/2011
OMG it might be the Margarita talking but I'm LMAO!!!! It's like there's a million phones that never ring and papers flying everywhere!
Poor nameless HR guy.
my read shelf:
If it were me, I would return the call and give a simple explanation: you know her, you are no longer friends with her for various reasons, you do not understand why she listed you as a reference, and you do not wish to provide one. That way you do not have to lie to the company nor do you have to be a snob and provide a bad reference. Also, you avoid being rude to the HR person who called.
Unless you feel that you actually should give a negative characater reference for any reason (like if you legitly think that she shouldn't get the job for a certain reason), then I would do what I stated above.
Good luck