Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
DH & I went to another counselor...it helped!
As you may know from previous post that I had pretty much had it with DH being a disloyal husband. Well, after I told him that I was planning to move out with the kids and was very serious about it...he begin to take a different approach. He suggested that we go to counseling at our church. We went, and so far it has helped us open up about how we plan to stick up for one another, and how we should protect our marriage.
I also told our pastor about how my MIL hurt my feelings when she told me that there would not be enough room in my BIL's car for me to attend my BIL's graduation out of town, and that DH should go instead. I told her that we could rent our own car, and she said that it's just too expensive, basically shooting down any suggestion I came up....I just took as if she didn't want for me to go for whatever reasons.
To make a long story short DH ended up going on a 5 day trip to see his brother graduate in malibu (of all places). When DH got back from out of town he told me that his parents ended up renting a car, and my BIL also had his car...which would have been enough room for me to attend. When DH confronted her about how I was upset that I didn't attend the graduation and that she should have invited both of us since we were married, she got upset like it was not her fault or her problem....
Don't get me wrong...I could have just went on my own anyways, but after she did what she did I didn't want to be around her....She is the main one who always talk about how family should come together, and giving us advice on saying "WE" instead of "I" all the time...it just seems to me that she sets a double standard...
I haven't spoke with her for about a week, and I don't plan to visit for mothers day. We have already made our own plans for this weekend, and it will not include her.
Re: DH & I went to another counselor...it helped!
And your husband is blaming his mother? Seriously? Why didn't he just either a) tell his mother you were coming along and if you were not invited, he would not attend or b) take his own car for you both to attend.
Sounds like instead of taking accountability here, he's placing the blame on her. Again, you're also placing blame on her that should be directed towards your DH.
I agree with this 100%
I did direct it towards DH as well, because I felt as though he should have defended me because that is HIS mom...His mom called him on the phone and told him that she had purchased his ticket.
However, I also have had time to look at myself, because I shouldn't have allowed her to even tell me what I should and shouldn't do...So DH & I are both at fault. I have to stop being so passive and defend myself at the moment I feel I'm being disrespected if DH is around or not.
Just because she bought the ticket does not make him obligated to attend. And honestly, I'd be upset if my SO took this freebie ticket and said not a word about me and then turned around and blamed his mother.
I totally agree! That is one of the reasons why we are in counseling, because I feel that he tells me one thing and her another. It's like he isto be torn between being a loyal husband and son, what he should realize is that his loyalty is with his wife and no longer with his mother. His mom is very controlling and has ways of making us feel guilty when we don't give in to what she wants. When my DH tells her "no" she then comes to me and tries to get me to convince my DH to say "yes" and she does that to the both of us....
That truly means alot! Thank you so much! Have a wonderful weekend!
She can't make you feel anything.
This.
And if she comes to you to convince your H of something, do not entertain her whining. Don't answer her calls, emails, whatever, and if she manages to get a hold of her, don't let her get started. Tell her it is not your issue to get involved in and that you won't be speaking with her. Don't let her get in between you both like that.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D