Sex & Romance
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Help! My marriage is in trouble!

 I've been following the nest since I got married about a year and a half ago but never quite had the courage to post anything. Now I need advice and I don't know where else to turn. 

 It didn't take long for me to realize that my DH was 'the one'. We had a great sex life and we just clicked together. We dated for several months and I found out I was pregnant. Since we already knew we loved each other and wanted to get married, we decided to just have a small wedding before the baby came. When I was about 4 months pregnant, I went in for a routine checkup and discovered that our baby had died 2 weeks before. Even though it was an extremely difficult time for us we decided to go ahead and get married as soon as possible. (about a month later)

DH and I have always had a great sex life and a great relationship but I've never been able to feel the same since it happened. It's been almost 2 years now and I still have 0 sex drive. I don't know if it is worse because I have Bipolar Disorder but I can't take it anymore. I see what it's doing to my husband and I want to change but it's almost like I have a mental block against sex. At first I thought it was just what happened to us that put me off wanting to have sex but it's been so long since it happened now. It's not just that I 'don't want' sex, it's almost as if I'm just afraid to and I can't figure out how to change it..

Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, What helped you? I just need some advice. I want to make my DH happy...

Re: Help! My marriage is in trouble!

  • Unfortunately, I don't have much advice on the matter. Maybe try having a long sit-down conversation about how you feel. Be completely honest but also sensitive to his feelings. Also ask him to talk about how he feels about things. I'd also suggest some counseling (for you individually and as a couple), although I'm not sure if that kinda thing is an option since it costs money. Like I said, don't have much advice, but I just wanted to you that I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Hang in there. :) 
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  • My guess is that part of your problem is that you and he have suffered a loss. You both need to mourn and get closure.

    Try a grief counselor; if you're spiritual and religious, also try your clergyperson.

    I am sorry for your loss.

    Perhaps also get a full checkup and a full mental health evaluation. if you're taking meds it also could be that they're interfering with your libido, too.

    Maybe you have a secret fear that if you conceive again, the same thing will happen. Odds are way against this.

  • imageTarponMonoxide:

    My guess is that part of your problem is that you and he have suffered a loss. You both need to mourn and get closure.

    Try a grief counselor; if you're spiritual and religious, also try your clergyperson.

    I am sorry for your loss.

    Perhaps also get a full checkup and a full mental health evaluation. if you're taking meds it also could be that they're interfering with your libido, too.

    Maybe you have a secret fear that if you conceive again, the same thing will happen. Odds are way against this.

     This.

    I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, good luck in your future!

  • As pp's have said, you need professional counseling to deal with your loss and get your life back on track.
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  • I was 4 1/2 months pregnant when we lost our baby.  We barely touched each other for a few months because it was due to grief.  It's normal.  I know sometimes (almost a year later) we still get a little uptight during sex.  Both of us are scared for me to get pregnant again bc of what has happened before.  I mean really, who wants to go through this heartache twice?  Counseling was really helpful for us.  There are also support groups out there that may be helpful too.
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  • imageTarponMonoxide:

    My guess is that part of your problem is that you and he have suffered a loss. You both need to mourn and get closure.

    Try a grief counselor; if you're spiritual and religious, also try your clergyperson.

    I am sorry for your loss.

    Perhaps also get a full checkup and a full mental health evaluation. if you're taking meds it also could be that they're interfering with your libido, too.

    Maybe you have a secret fear that if you conceive again, the same thing will happen. Odds are way against this.

    Yes

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