March 2009 Weddings
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Remember the girl who married the Hatian and got pregnant?

Here's an update

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/53079769.aspx

I've got a gut feeling he's going to up and head home within a year. 

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Re: Remember the girl who married the Hatian and got pregnant?

  • I think you're right. And I certainly wouldn't put up with an affection-less marriage (although it does sound like they're having sex, weird).
  • Sad I think you're right, too.
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  • Yeah.... Unfortunately I agree with you guys.

     

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  • Her most recent update:

     

     

    Thanks everyone.  I just feel hopeless right now.  My husband is really against counseling...I do hope that maybe his brother can talk to him - but his brother is against it too.  It's again a very cultural thing.  My husband doesn't like to be weak - he thinks that there are actual problems in the world (like those he's lived through/dealt with in Haiti...hunger, homelessness, illness, death) and that emotional problems aren't real problems. 

    The hardest part for me is that I love him so so much and I want to help him to become acclimated to life here.  My biggest fear is that he will leave me.  The other day he told me that everyday he asks God for strength so as not to embarass me in front of my family and friends (meaning - he won't leave me here to return to Haiti because he knows the shame I would feel).  Everyone in my family is "Supportive" of our marriage to our faces...but I have been asked by family members if our love is legit, if I just married him to get him into the country, etc.  And some of them think he's totally using me.  I don't.  I have never felt that way.  But, if he just up and leaves I will be devastated...I will feel embarassed.

    I just want him to be happy.  Him being happy = me being happy.  I just wish it didn't hurt so much.  I wish I didn't cry at night...

    thanks again for listening.

     

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  • Honestly, I think it's 95% cultural differences.  While I truthfully don't know a heck of a lot of Haitian culture I do know that men aren't as involved there as they are here in the U.S.  It doesn't make it better but they need to get some help.  Even if he is againist it, she should go alone because maybe someone could help her understand the culture better and talk to him more about it.  That's a tough situation to have "rushed" in to.  DH and I didn't date long but I think I would have tried to have a better grasp on their culture before I married him.

    She said she spent time over there though.  I would think she would know quite a bit about Haitian culture from that.  Maybe they could go visit and that would help him because it seems like maybe he is homesick too.

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    PCOS and Endo

    Ovarian drilling and endo removed 1/3/12
    BFP - 3/27/12
    Beta's 11, 14, 57, 637, 2800
    Sono showed no baby and teeny tiny sac. Waiting to M/C naturally.

  • All around this is a sad situation.  No matter the outcome it seems like someone isn't going to be happySad
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  • Aww I agree with every thing that has been said. I think he'll head home sooner than later especially since he's against counseling.
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  • If he's praying to God on a daily basis to give him the strength to stay....there's no way he's staying.

    Poor guy, I can't imagine being that home sick or feeling that trapped. 

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  • This whole thing sucks all around. And now there's a baby involved. What a mistake that was.
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