So, I'll be the first to admit I haven't written an essay of any kind in years. I'm probably not any good at this. I need some help proofing my entry to win the $15k backyard makeover contest. Someone suggested keeping it short and to the point, so here goes...
A picture is worth a thousand words, and the picture of our backyard is worth a thousand BAD ones. The yard so lumpy you could break an ankle, the deck is decrepit, and that's just the beginning! We've spent so much time, energy, and money on the inside of our house that the outside has been severely neglected. We had every intention of taking the time and money to spruce things up this spring until we found out we are expecting our first child this August (it's a girl!). Unfortunately the backyard will go another year without the TLC it needs due to budget unless we will this contest! We need a beautiful, SAFE, yard to make lasting family memories. Please help!
Re: Contest Essay
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Ha! Thanks.
Sorry, I am terrible at editing so I just rewrote it rather than making notes about my suggestions.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and the picture of our backyard is best described with a few choice FOUR LETTER words. We've spent so much time, energy, and money on the inside of our house that the outside has been severely neglected. The craters in our yard could break an ankle. The deck is {don't use decrepit - use something more specific like the wood is so dull and lifeless, it looks like it will collapse any second}. And these are just a few examples of the decrepid state of our yard. It has SO MUCH potential. We had every intention of taking the time and money to spruce things up this spring until we found out we are expecting our first child this August (it's a girl!). With such a big change in our life, we agreed that our outdoor projects will have to take a backseat to our daughter's first year. But, we really want her to have a beautiful and SAFE yard to play in by the time she is one. Your generous gift could really help us! Please help!
To add a pinch of uniqueness - you could add something about wanting a special tree planted in the year she was born so it can grow with her, etc.
GL!!
This is a great suggestion.