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The big talk
Well I have DH trapped in a car for 11 hours each way this weekend as we head to my nephews graduation in NE. I figure what better time to really really set a timeline (Now) for TTC. We dance around the topic a lot to say the least. He isn't really interested in started anytime soon and I just turned 39 with my clock ticking so loud I barely sleep anymore. We can talk about anything in the world but he is stubborn and slow to decide things. I'm hoping he is just going to compromise and get on the same page as me since it was always a dealbreaker in our relationship. He is fixated on the amount of money a child will cost. And we seriously have little debt and I have been saving like a fiend the past few months ($10,000 in 5 months!) I think we will be just fine.
Wish me luck. I so want this to go well!
My Little Sweetheart
Re: The big talk
Ah, the car ride captive audience trap! My parents always used that on me... usually on a bridge for safe measure lol.
I can't directly identify with your situation. DH is already 40 and it's partly cultural, but he sees kids as my decision and assumes I'd want to start popping some out at any moment (and I'm still not sure I want any). Our equivalent is when I bring up working full time outside the home. But since you called it "a deal breaker," your H should already know that TTC is part of the plan and trust you with the savings, which clearly you're doing great with.
Lots of luck!
I do feel bad about trapping him per se. Maybe I like to think of him as a captive audience. Truly, he gets so nervous around the subject that he will find any way out of a room or the conversation. It's almost comical sometimes. We did talk extensively before we got engaged that this was something I really wanted, and if he wasn't on board (I understand he wasn't going to quite be enthusiastic about it), then I had to walk away. So I feel like he is on board to a degree. But he is nervous to say the least.
I'll keep everyone posted...
I think most guys are nervous about the topic and just don't readily jump up and down about TTC. My H included! He would have never been all about TTC, but it happened without much effort luckily and he quickly warmed up to the idea and is thrilled he is about to be a Dad.
I hope you have a good conversation with him! GL!
So I was a chicken until the end of the weekend and after hour 16 in the car finally made the leap and started talking. It went pretty well. I told him if I could feel like he felt mediocre about it rather than against the idea I would feel like we are moving ahead. By the end he said he felt good about it all! But honestly, some things men argue with are so ridiculous, I want to cry or laugh in his face. These were first and only serious points to his argument that we aren't ready.
1. We have a cat and what about the cat sleeping on the baby.
2. I don't wash the dishes well enough to sanitize the bottles for a baby.(Dude I hate washing dishes!)
3. I can't complain if I'm tired with the baby because it's something I want. Um. People have bad days. People complain. It doesn't mean they regret their choice or that they want to return the baby. Besides I pointed out, that would be like me not allowing you to ever complain that a part wouldn't go into your car correctly and it frustrates you or puts you in a bad mood (he restores cars BTW). Then you could see the lightbulb go off in his head about how unfair that stipulation would be.
Not, you would be a terrible mom or we don't have the money or anything I would consider a big deal or not solvable. So I guess I feel like it went well. He did say it was going to be really difficult for him to "try" each time we have sex and to switch his thinking from not wanting to wanting to. I get that, it will be strange. But he was on the same page and finally agreed that we are ready!
I cannot tell you how excited I am to really start this. Yippee!!!!
Seriously? The cat will sleep on the baby? Does he know they make bottle sanitizers? Men are so funny sometimes!
So glad it went well. I am with him on "trying" seeming weird... I think I would have a hard time with that too. But he does sound on board, just nervous and conscientious.
I know. I had to stiffle a laugh about the Cat thing. He is weird. Sometimes it amazes me what sticks in their brains and what flies right out.