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Census Survey says...
That two thirds of all married couples live together before getting married (even Kate and William lived together while engaged - my how times have changed!) - the highest percentage ever, and also that co-habiting amoung those who've never been married is also sharply on the rise (source USA Today, Census population Survey)...which made me wonder:
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? If so, for how long?
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently?
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting married? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way?
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind?
The floor is open...come out, come out, wherever you are :-))
Re: Census Survey says...
1. DH and I have lived together since my sophomore year in college. Basically it came about b/c he was originally going to move in with a friend and another girl. And then I basically told him the ONLY girl he was going to live with was me! And that was that!
2. I strongly STRONGLY believe you should live with your SO before marrying them. There is a whole different dynamic when you live with each other and I think that having a "trial run" so to speak will make you realize if you can spend the rest of your life with this one person. You could marry this person having never lived with them and can't stand the way they live! I guess I just couldn't take a chance like that. I know there are couples that don't live together before marriage and they have successful marriages, but I think it's best to live together before.
3. I don't believe my parents lived together before they got married. My Dad was originally VERY against us moving in together. Granted, we were very young (I think I was barely 20 when we moved in together) so obviously he was very hesitant. But it all worked out in the end
4. Not really, like I mentioned, the whole fact about us moving in together in the first place was based upon a circumstance that happened. I still think that even if we had not moved in together at that point we would have before we got married. I think we both knew we wanted to live together before getting married.
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1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? Yes - before we were engaged we lived together.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? Yup I def think it made us realize that we WERE making the right decision. Wouldn't change a thing!
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting marriage? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? Uh - I think so considering I was 3 years old and IN my parents wedding...
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? Nope, figured we'd live together before marriage... not something i'd want to commit to with out any prior knowledge!
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1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? Yes, we did. We dated for 5 years before buying our house together - He actually asked me to move in together, I recall being quite happy in my single gal digs! We hadn't discussed marriage much before then, and I did say that I would do it only if he was serious about getting married down the road. He said that he was, and we did...although it still took us 5 more years til we tied the knot :-)
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I do actually. I think that I knew every single thing about him before I said "I do", and that I was going in with both eyes wide open. Sometimes I wonder if that took away some of the mystery of learning new things about him as a married couple, but if I had a do over, I'd still make the same choice. I feel that we hardly fight about typical "newlywed" things because we've been there and done that. We can focus more on going forward.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting marriage? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? No. My parents were married in 1968, and while it was during the time of "free love" and all, my Mom's parents were firmly religious and conservative, and living together before marriage ( or "in sin" as she called it) was not even a consideration. And yeah - that did kind of influence me. My Mom found out a lot about my bio-Dad that she did like so much (like his wandering eyes for the ladies) after the wedding, and I strongly believe that had they shared a home prior to his proposing, she actually may not have said yes...and they ended up divorcing after 12 years. So yeah, I did not want to have that same experience...
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? Growing up though, I always said that I would never live with a man who wasn't my husband! My world was very black and white, even into my early twenties...as I lived a lot though, I found that the color spectrum is vast, and I did ultimately change my mind...and I think I made the right choice :-)
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? Yes, we lived together before we got engaged. We lived together for almost a year before getting engaged.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? Yes, because we already knew each others little quirks and what annoys us about the other person.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting marriage? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? They did; they bought a house shortly before their wedding. I don't think it influenced me at all though.
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? I wouldn't say I had strong feelings....but I knew that I wanted to live with my partner before we got married. It's like the old saying goes....would you buy shoes without trying them on first?
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1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? Technically, we didn't formally live together until about 4 weeks before we were married. With that said, I essentially paid rent on my apartment to keep my things from about 3 weeks from when we began dating and stayed with my DH.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I don't know that it really made a difference for us - we were engaged less than 6 months before we were married - it really didn't offer a lot of time for us to get to know each other on that level. Additionally, we had his sister living with us, which changed the dynamic of our relationship tremendously. We really started living together, on our own, one month ago when she moved out into her own place.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting marriage? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? My mom did not live with my biological father prior to getting married because they were still in high school. She did, however, live with my stepfather prior to being married for a couple of years. She has always been pro-live in, encouraging my brother and I both to live with our SO's prior to being engaged/married to ensure we're compatible.
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? Initially yes I had strong feelings about living together per the encouragement of my mom, but looking back now I don't feel the same way I used to. Finding out after we were married that my DH leaves the closet light on ALL THE TIME or leaves random glasses of water lying around the house wasn't going to make or break whether my decision to marry him was a bad idea. I was the person who stood behind the notion that "you don't really know someone until you live with them" but...in my now opinion...if you have a responsible and open-communication relationship, then yeah...you do know someone. We don't live in the 1800's where marriages were arranged - we share personal time with our SO's before getting engaged, these days. We see their homes, we watch movies at their place or our place, we talk wiith their friends and family and hear stories about them and their lifestyle. Frankly, we know if our husband is bum or not going into things because we have a lot of other valuable resources available to us besides living together. Looking back now, I don't think it's as necessary as I once thought it was.
A10 Siggy Challenge: Our Next Vacation Destination: Paris!
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? Yes, we moved in together after dating for almost 4 years. We moved in together in August of 2008 and got engaged in December, and have lived together ever since.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? At the time, I was very hesitant to move in together before marriage. But it was honestly the best relationship decision we ever made! It certainly made our relationship stronger, as we grew closer together and really learned that our lifestyles meshed together well - and that we could really be together every day for the rest of our lives!
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting marriage? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? Yes, my parents bought a house and lived together before they were married. My mom, coming from a devout Catholic family, was very hesitant about it. But she said it was a great decision for them. I don't think it influenced my decision, though.
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? Growing up Catholic, I had always wanted to wait until I was married to move in with someone or to be intimate with someone. But, I changed my mind on both accounts!
I really wanted to wait to move in together because I was so afraid that I would just end up being his 'live in' girlfriend and never get engaged or married - why would he want to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free? Moving in together was a make or break for DH, since he felt like it was really important to understand how we lived together before we committed to being together forever. Since it was so important to him, I had to compromise. I told him that I would not tolerate just being his 'roommate' and that I wanted to be engaged if we were going to live together for more than a year. So, I'm really very glad I changed my mind 
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged?
Yes, H and I were on & off for several years. In 2006 I was offered to move to West Palm Beach for a good paying job, My words exactly were " You are welcome to join me in West Palm Beach, but this will be that last time we are in this on & off relationship". To my surprise he responded with " I agree, but I want a man cave please". We were engaged by 2008.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently?
It has made us... Stronger: financial. Meaning being reponsibile for our actions that affect our joint bills. Stronger: Faith. Eventhough, we lived together before marriage, neither of us knew how much faith we had. Stronger: Family. We always had an event to attend either my family or his that made us 1 today.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting marriage? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way?
My parents did lived together for a short period of time. This was due, for my mother came into this county as an exchanged student. Shortly after they got married.No, I don't think they influence me at all. I felt that I complied with them by not getting pregant before marriage.
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind?
Yes, I have seen several marriages unfolded before my eyes. I always wonder the "whys" these marriages didn't grow together thur the " to death due us apart". Some of my thoughts were maybe they don't know eachother well or one of them didn't loved the other as much. In my case I want the know the good and the bad before I said the "I Do".
Ericah - That was one of my biggest fears as well...that we would end up living together for a really long time (well, uh, I guess 5 more years was a long time...hehe) without ever getting engaged. And to be honest, I had to use the cattle prod to get things going when they did, as I think that H really had gotten comfortable with the status quo. Even though we were great together - it seemed to back fire a little bit, because we were almost "too good" while just living together!
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? If so, for how long? We lived together for about 2 years before we got engaged and then another 2 during our engagement.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I think it definitely made our relationship stronger. Sort of forces you to look toward the future.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting married? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? They did not. I think they were only dating for a few months prior to their engagement.
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? I too was brought up in a strict Catholic family and thought I would follow the rules to a T so I would not disappoint my parents. But, after many years of failed relationships I knew that DH was the one and I didn't care what anyone else thought!
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1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? If so, for how long? We lived together for a year and 4 months before we got married. We moved in together 2 months before he proposed but three months after he asked for my parents blessing
(he asked at thanksgiving when he saw them) So I knew it was coming when we decided to move in together.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I wouldn't do it differently. I think it was SO good that we lived together and got a bit of a routine down. Plus with both of our crazy work schedules and wedding planning it allowed is to see each other more often I think we wouldn't have seen much of each other if he had been in NY and I had been in NJ. PLUS it allowed us to hang out casually on a whim with friends and really build stronger bonds with them leading up to the wedding and let us hang out with people and not always be one on one dates (which we still did) but we didn't have to ditch friends to see each other.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting married? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? No they didn't live together they were living at home with their parents. Ummm yea thats partially where I got my traditional values from.
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? YES I always said I wouldn't want to live with someone before we were married. The whole Catholic thing came into play as well as the fact that I'm a bit of a traditionalist in that sense. However I'm totally pro whatever works for you. I would never judge or be bothered by anyone else's decision. So apparently I'm not THAT strict! Once we started talking marriage I knew I didn't want to live together before we were engaged that was what I changed my "rule" to just because it was important to me as a symbol (note that he had asked for my parents blessing so I decided that was ok and we had to get a jump on the apt we wanted)
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? If so, for how long? Yes we lived together for about a year before we were engaged, and during the 9 month engagement. We spent a lot of time at each other's place two years before moving in together too.
@rands and ericcah- I had the same concern too, esp since we had been together for so long already and he had an ultimatum put on him for his first marriage too which obviously backfired. I didn't want to have to do the same thing! I did end up pushing him by going looking at rings and he agreed to go put an order in for it, and he's present it to me on his own time. It was the longest 2+ months of my life!! :-)
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I agree that it made it easy to work out any kinks (not that there were many) before. Part of the reason DH got divorced was b/c he hated his home being a pig sty b/c she wouldn't clean up when she was at home all day with the kids, there was no food and he was always last in priority. Needless to say when I knew this I made sure that wouldn't happen with us, not that I'd ever treat my husband that way! I was brought up in a neat house, my mom ALWAYS cooked and had food around, and my dad was #1 :-) I had a great role model in my mom!
I wouldn't do it differently b/c I also got to know the kids better, and they got to know me better and what I would offer to their lives. They were pretty excited when DH told them we got engaged!
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting married? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? Not to my knowledge, and that didn't influence my decision.
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? I never had it set in my head, I guess I figued I wouldn't get intimate or move in with someone before getting married, but like ericcah I changed my mind, when the circumstances came about! Each couple should do what they feel is right for them!
April 2010 Siggy Challenge: Next Vacation Destination
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? If so, for how long? We did for 9 months before we got engaged, and bought our house 5 months before the wedding
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I definitely wouldn't do it different, but I can't say whether it made our marriage stronger. I mean, had we waited to get engaged (or got engaged/married earlier in order to move in together sooner) we would still be the same people. I'm glad we did it because I felt 110% sure that we would work as a married couple, but had we not I think the same getting-used-to-each-other-and-growing-together things would have happened, just on a different timeline.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting married? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? I have no idea! So uhhh I guess this didn't influence me
And finally...
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? I always knew I would live with someone before I married them. Luckily DH is the first man I lived with (romantically, anyway), but hey it may not have worked out so well!
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It's good to know I wasn't alone in feeling that way! Things definitely do get 'comfortable' after a while! Sometimes men just need a little kick in the butt to get moving!
1. Did you and H live together before you were married? Either before or after you were engaged? If so, for how long? We did, for a little over 2 years.
2. If so, did you feel that it will make your marriage stronger, or thinking back would you do it differently? I would do it the same, but I can't really say if it has made our marriage stronger or not...I really think if two people communicate well already, then together wont change things...I really have no idea. I don't feel like anything changed from before we lived together.
3. To your knowlege, did your Parents live together before getting married? And do you think that their decision infuenced yours in any way? My parents did not live together before they got married, but my mom was 19 when she got married and I was 24....so I think that makes a difference. And I DEFINITELY do not thing their opinion influence me because they DID NOT want us to live together before we were married!!
4. Growing up, did you have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and did you find that you did what you always said you would - or did you change your mind? I grew up very religious so no, I didn't think I would live with someone before marriage. It was really important to DH that we did, so we waited until we graduated college and then officially moved in together...although I think we were practically living with each other long before that...but we had our own places so we said it didn't count...hehe...
Interesting post! I'm definitely the minority here. No we did not live together, and I would not have done it differently. A big part of it was because of my family - who would NOT have liked us living together, but that wasn't the entire reason.
Although we didn't see each other all the time while dating, it made us value the time we spent together (and we didn't live close to each other so I used to stay at his place almost every weekend). I'm glad that we were able to spend the first year of marriage getting used to living together, and we adjusted well. We knew each other really well, and nothing really surprised us. And because we didn't live together, we were excited about it! Looking back, I would not have changed it at all.