May 2008 Weddings
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Does everyone have a Debbie Downer?

Mine is my aunt. I have to vent about her.

She is 40. She lost her long time job a while ago..like 2 yrs ago. In the meantime she did telemarketing and worked at a gas station for about month each. after both of those she has filed for SSI. We dont know why she thinks she would get it. She was denied, so she applied again. Well since shes been out of work she has been EXTREMELY depressed. She says she wants a divorce and she wants to leave my uncle but she wont get a job. They dont pay their bills, but they go out to eat alll the time. She then complains she is broke. They have one car and he is a pizza delivery guy so she cant just drop him off at work and keep the car, he needs it. She just told me they havent had sex in over a year.

Everytime I suggest something for her ie. PT job, date nights, playing cards, going for walks she puts up a barrier. I dont even know how to help anymore. What can I do? What can I say?

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Re: Does everyone have a Debbie Downer?

  • She just said shes sad bc hes watching baseball and I told her to make popcorn and watch it with him or ask him to DVR and spend time with her. She said "its not that important"

     

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  • I don't do that well with people like that. I would stop making suggestions and such... Obv she doesn't want to make any changes. I have a friend like that. I have slowly distanced myself. I stopped making suggestions so that I would stop getting annoyed that she would have an excuse for everything.
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  • Would she be willing to go to counseling? I know you said they are broke but a lot of Churches give free counseling to members of their Church for free if needed. Maybe it would help her to talk to someone that isn't family about what she's going through? Has she tried any medication for depression? Maybe suggest doing something with her....hobby wise (scrap booking, knitting...etc.) that would get her mind off of things? Not sure what else to suggest....but I hope she gets out of the slump she's in before her marriage has to end over it. Good luck!
  • imageNCSmilinAngel:
    Would she be willing to go to counseling? I know you said they are broke but a lot of Churches give free counseling to members of their Church for free if needed. Maybe it would help her to talk to someone that isn't family about what she's going through? Has she tried any medication for depression? Maybe suggest doing something with her....hobby wise (scrap booking, knitting...etc.) that would get her mind off of things? Not sure what else to suggest....but I hope she gets out of the slump she's in before her marriage has to end over it. Good luck!

    Yes she goes to a counselor and psychiatrist. Theyve gone to marriage counseling and she is medicated. Its going to be very hard to do things together now that Ive moved. I really hope they figure something out too. Apparently my grandfather gave her this guilt trip saying "You know this is your second marriage right?" as if she'd forgotten.... um yeah

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  • My MIL is this way.  She's so bitter about having never gotten the house that FIL promised her.  Instead of looking at what she does have, she always focuses on the negative. 

    For Mother's Day we took them out.  They come over and H asks her where she wants to go.  She asks where we want to go.  H says that the women have to decide since it was for Mother's Day.  I say that she should decide since they are pickier than us.  I finally tell her to be authoritative and make a decision.  She finally decided on IHOP. 

    She complains about no one listening to her, or bothering with her opinion.   She finally gets the chance to make a decision, and she fights that.  Sure it wasn't a major decision, but it was still an opportunity for her to give her opinion. 

    I would definitely say that she is depressed.  But I don't feel that I'm in a position to offer advice.  

  • It sounds like she doesn't want suggestions, she just wants to complain to you.
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  • imageMadameD517:
    It sounds like she doesn't want suggestions, she just wants to complain to you.

    I agree and that would annoy me really quick. 

    I actually thought this post was going to be directed at me for debbie downing on you post yesterday about the job!

    imageAlways Painted,Usually Chipped Disclaimer - This is not a nail polish blog.
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