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"Your eggs got a shelf life."
My family has unfortunately taken the sad cycle of getting pregnant young & ran with it. I was talking with my sister, 'B', the other day & she's all about babies & kids & has been since Day 1. She is a couple years older than I am & has a 10 yr old, 7 yr old, & 8 month old. My DH & I aren't ttc, but we're not not ttc, either.
I share with B a conversation my DH & I had a few weeks ago that was funny about getting old, but since has made me think: We have no children. He's 8 years my senior & if I'm 25 now... how old will we be when we do get pregnant.. if we do? To this B replies: "Well... ya know, your eggs got a shelf life. Yous better get crackin' if you seriously want to be parents. If you're waiting til you can afford a kid... it's never going to happen. You're not millionaires. You're not getting any younger, either."
I don't know what it is, but something in me went: "Yeah. We aren't getting younger." It's not that we're waiting.. we're just.. I don't know.. not getting pregnant.
Having children is something DH & I have discussed lots throughout our years together. But it seems like lately, that's where my head is. A lot. A whole lot. Much more than it was before, that's for sure. I don't know. I'm excited about the entire prospect of getting pregnant & raising a child together, but I'm also really nervous, too. This is whatever, a rant, a vent... though, I'm not upset. I guess I just needed to put this out there for whatever reason. Any incite is appreciated. tia.
Re: "Your eggs got a shelf life."
I would sit down with your H and have a discussion and see where he wants to be- is his mindset where yours is right now?
Can you clarify what these two sentences mean? If you're having unprotected sex, I would classify that as ttc, even if you're not charting or anything.
But at 25, you still have several years before you need to worry about being too old to have kids.
So what's bothering you most about this:
1) getting your sister to back off and stop making comments like this?
or...
2) approaching your H about ttc more seriously because your sister's comments have made you realize you're really ready to have a baby?
FWIW, plenty of women wait until their late 20's, early 30's, or even later to have their first child. Most of them turn out to be really glad they waited until they were older!
Ugh, I don't know how you feel about B, but this statement makes me dislike her. I just can't stand people unable to see the science in things. Like people that believe that we didn't come from apes. Your eggs don't have a shelf life... your body comes across more chemical changes that can make it harder to get pregnant after 35. Seriously, I would not worry about it because a lot of women that don't get pregnant in their teens or younger 20's are able to conceive with no trouble well after 25, for most well after 30, and for some well after 35.
Don't let her mess with you, it kinda seems like she is jealous. If I were her I would be. Having a pre-teen, a seven year old middle kid (being the middle is always hard), and an eight month old is a damn challenge. I would be so envious at any young, married childless lady with no real drama in her life. Think about it, if you felt the need to this weekend you can just drop all your plans and go to Mexico if you want to. Or lay around and be lazy all day. Or just take relaxing bath in peace. B doesn't have that because she has three little lives that need her. She probably can't pee sometimes without hearing the baby crying or a little kid crying "Mom. Mooooooom."
Check us out
Unprotected & no p/o method & no charting. DH & I don't actually approach this as if we're ttc, though. I have some medical issues, such as mild dysplasia & have also had very irregular periods- even having gone 10 months without a period before a few years ago. It was then I was put on Nuva Ring by my dr. to try to regulate my cycle & it worked. After a few years on Nuva, DH & I chose to go off of it shortly after we were married. I have been off for a little over a year now.
As for worrying about my eggs shelf life... well... I don't really buy into that. I know that with the medical issues I have had in the past, they might pose a slight complication, as my dr. had informed us. She said 'slightly more complicated, but not impossible. If you were to conceive, I would consider you high risk & it's true that the older you are, the higher risk it is for your health & the baby's."
1) Yeah... getting B to back off a bit would be nice... but it's not her personality to be filtered. She is blunt & can walk a thin line between rude & inappropriate. But that's B. I sort of knew where she was about it, but it still was sort of off-putting to have it said like this about myself.
2) As far as DH is when it comes to a bambini... he's got a semi-hard exterior & yet he's all soft about it. He'll say things to me like "Our daughter's never going to dress like that." & "Our son is going to open doors for woman like I do." But when family gets into the conversation with us.. he's got the whole "Yeah... nope. We're good without kids." thing going on. He's just not up for talking about what goes on in the bedroom with family. He's an extremely private person & his family is eager for their first grandbaby. He's just tired of hearing their input, so he's got this facade of No Kids so they'll let him be, but when it's just us, he's completely open.
I didn't even think about going on TheBump. I'll have to take your advice & check it out. Thank you! As far as my DH is... as I mentioned in a previous post, when it's just he & I together, he's completely open. Whenever family comes into the mix, he puts up this front like No Kids & it's because he's tired of the pressure, the rehashing of this topic, & the comments, & just.. the mess that comes with all the personalities getting all mixed into it. He's quite a private person & the very very few things he does hold close to him, he holds tight & closely guards. The plans on family is one of them.
You're 25? Tell her to mind her own business. My co-worker had a baby for the frist time at ate 49. She, baby and dad are doing great.
Oops.... I mean age 25...
You're 25, which means that you've got a good decade left before your eggs are in danger of being "old". So what about being "high risk"? I am too, and it didn't coerce me into trying to get pregnant before I was truly and utterly ready to be a parent.
If you feel like you might be ready, and everything else in your life is in order, talk to your husband about it and see where he stands. Regardless of your health - if you're having unprotected sex you ARE ttc. If only I had a dollar for every time I heard of a couple who "were told that they'd never get pregnant on their own" and end up "accidently" pregnant.
Your sister is clearly trying to convince you that she did the "right thing" by having her children at a young age.
Even though that is likely not the case at all.
It's a shame that her statements are completely self-serving and designed to make her choices seem like the prefered path. When they are, in fact, not.
And I say this as a mom who conceived at age 35 with little to no fanfare or trouble. With a grandma who had her last child at age 48.
Sweets, you have options. Lots and lots of options.
To be honest... I don't get this statement - it's unneccessary. What purpose does it serve? It doesn't matter if you're rich or on government aid: your thought process could be the same. I think that statement is rather ignorant.
As for my sister & her family - they've never been on welfare. Her thought process is because she got pregnant young.
Don't take it so personally. I see it all the time.
Being entitled to start a family when you are young and financially stable is a completely different thought process than being young and in need of government aid to eat and sleep safely. Obviously.
I'm not even sure how to respond. Yes, your eggs are drying up at age 25 - you should listen to your sister. She's obviously very intelligent.
Having a child is between you and your husband. Period.
No, your eggs are not drying up. You aren't turning into a pumpkin. Let your sister think whatever she wants - she's entitled to her opinion. But, you don't have to agree.
If you are ready to have kids, great. If not, great. Just be sure that you are doing it because you want to, not because your sister is putting the idea in your head.
Why be one of the thousands (millions?) of women who are in the "baby-making-contests"? Seriously, last time I checked, my uterus was my business. Yes, I wrote the word uterus. Why do women in their 20s/30s make such a big contest about having kids? Then, once they have the kid, all they do is compete over what preschool to send baby to, what clothes he/she is wearing, how old he/she was when they stopped drinking from a sippy cup, and when they started on solids. Ugh. DH and I are waiting another 2 years to have our first. We are 28/29. Ya know, OLD and dried UP!
I agree. & thank you, livinitup. DH & I know we have lots of options. As DH's adopted, we are also thinking about that route - a bit later in life, as well. We have not crossed anything out as far as children are concerned. I was simply sharing a conversation between my sister B & I ... I was slightly put-off by her statement & just wanted to get some of my nesties to give me their constructive input or even share their own experiences when it came to kids + families + comments. I get where pretty much most of you are coming from. I just happen to agree most with your statement, livinitup & the way it was put. Thanks all!
Um, this is kind of crazy. I am going to be 25 in a month and we're not even going to be thinking about ttc for at least 5 years. You have a lot of time, relax and do things on a schedule that's comfortable to you. If you're ready for kids, great, if not you have a long time before you need to be concerned about the "shelf life" of your eggs.
71 workouts completed in 2012
I really hate to rain on everyone's parade, but our eggs do have a shelf life. This is by no means a reason to get pregnant before you are ready, but her sister is minimally right in that she obviously can't take forever to make this decision. That being said- at 25 you still have time so now is not the time to let her statements freak you out.
We are born with a finite number of eggs (you are born with 1-2 million but by the time you reach puberty you only have a couple hundred thousand eggs), unlike men who continuously make sperm from puberty onward. With each ovulation cycle you lose multiple eggs (though only 1 or 2 may completely mature and be ovulated, multiple others (a couple hundred to a thousand) begin the maturation process but don't make the final cut) so that by the time you reach menopause you have few to no eggs left. Also the quality of the eggs degrade over time, which is why there is a higher incidence of things like down's syndrome in women in their 30s and 40s and part of the reason why it is more difficult to get pregnant when you are older. Yes, there are many stories of women who were able to successfully conceive in their late 30s and 40s, but these relate to many factors including lifestyle and genetics and are just anecdotal. I'm sure if you listen long enough you will hear of women in their 30s who are experiencing early menopause. I'm not saying this to scare you, but just wanted to inform you of the facts.
You are 25 years old. You (most likely) have plenty of time. Don't let your sister's comments get to you, because as other's said she is just trying to validate her own life choices. If you are seriously starting to think about getting pregnant you should talk with your ob/gyn and you should probably start prenatal vitamins, especially if you have already been having unprotected sex (they usually recommend starting prenatals 3 mo before you start trying to conceive). If you have been going without protection and having regular sex (i can't remember the exact definition of how many times per month) for at least a year and you haven't gotten pregnant, you should definitely mention this to your ob/gyn.
GL and don't let anyone push you into a decision that isn't right for you!
From what you've said here, it just seems like B is a fairly narrow-minded person who thinks that what's "normal" for her should be the rule for everyone else. Just ignore her. Her "normal" is not your normal.
I think your H is pretty smart to project the "it's none of your biz" vibe to his eager family. Clearly the two of you are on the same page as far as knowing that kids are in your future. Really, when you think about it, the whole "we're not TTC, but we're not NOT TTC, either" thing = TTC. You both know that, unless there are IF issues, doing what you're doing will lead to getting pregnant, probably within the next several months.
GL to you!
I have to give him credit for making it look so easy sometimes. DH was That Guy who proclaimed for years to his family "I'm never getting married. Never." & then... obviously-we're married, so we can see that whole declaration didn't pan-out so well.. It gives me the thought, every once in awhile, if his family can see through his "We're good without kids." Maybe they can, maybe not. Whatever it is, they get that we're obviously not throwing it up completely on the table with them & that it's open for discussion at any time or place. They get that. It's a conversation that does come up, but it's not a topic the greater majority of time, which we appreciate.
As for the 'not ttc' ... I think we put it that way because if we approach it as "we are ttc" .. we might psyche ourselves out type of thing. I don't know. As for the "getting pregnant, probably within the next several months." ... Maybe. Maybe not. It's been a bit longer than a year & thus far, we've had nothing. Who knows? Whatever God's planning, I'd love to get that memo. Also, maybe He can give me an answer as to why I've been having dreams, (for sometime now), that we have a baby girl.
As a 36 year old woman who has been battling infertility for almost 3 years, I am well aware of how my body works. The point everyone is trying to make is that any doctor would tell you that at the age of 25, there is no real urgency.