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Crazy In-Laws
I know I?ve posted this before but I have very crazy SILS (by marriage to my husband?s brothers). SIL A and SIL B are really close. I?m ok with them not inviting me to their homes or to gatherings.
SIL A constantly speaks out of her butt, lacks manners, discretion and is obnoxious. SIL B is narcissistic, really thinks she?s a princess, and all her conversations are self-promoting (which doesn?t help that I find them both boring and annoying).
So here?s the thing: my husband is about 7 years older than me and we?ve been married 3 years and 6 months. He?s had premature graying since he was 18. His mom has always been that kind of lady that is overly concerned about what other people think so she has been dying her son?s hair since he was in high school (she still dyes her 60+ year old husband?s hair really?). I knew about this before we married and I didn?t care DH had white hair under the luscious dark brown dyed hair. I didn?t marry him for his hair anyway. So, he said he would stop dying it at 31. I thought it was fine. It?s his hair anyway and my love for him won?t change ?
So, we were looking at our wedding pictures one day and SIL A makes a comment out of her butt: ?Wow, R you look a lot younger in these pictures.? My husband just kind of giggles and says ?yeah? and we both just ignore her. Then, someone comments that her husband (my husband?s brother) has put on a lot of pounds and she makes a stupid smug comment ?Don?t look at me! I met him that way!? kind of insinuating that I was the cause for my DH?s graying. *Sigh* I know it was a completely ignorant comment and I didn?t say anything at the moment she made it because I know it would embarrass my DH that we?re disputing over a subject that could just bust my DH?s self-esteem. Her stupid comments just irritate me and make me want to separate myself from them more. They?re constantly trying to compete with me. I?m not up for competition. For Example, I know that SIL A has a 1.5 Carat Diamond ring and SIL B has a 2 Carat I think? How do I know this? Through their self-promotionJ. So, I know all their self-promotion and their obnoxiousness is due to their own personal insecurities. I just sit back and watch them as I would watch monkeys at a zoo.
Has anybody ever been through this? Was there a better way for me/DH to deal with this? This is new to me and it looks like my DH brothers have started the whole competition thing with him as well.
What these clowns don?t realize is that it?s hurting my husband more than it is hurting me. I don?t want to vent with him too much because that?s just going to seem like I?m playing the victim. I honestly don?t care if they eat each other. I have my own family that loves me and loves my DH dearly.
Re: Crazy In-Laws
Obnoxious people are generally obnoxious with everybody. Don't take it so personally.
You don't feed animals at the zoo, so don't feed these loonies with your sassy come-backs and attention either. Just laugh at them for their ridiculousness on the ride home.
They're only going to bully your husband as much as he allows them to. He either needs to ignore them (change the subject, leave the room or just leave the house) or tell them to knock it off ("Stop it. That's a hurtful thing to say" or fire right back with his own insult and see how they like it).
You should stay out of it - your husband needs to fight his own battles. It's not nice of them to tease or be mean, but ultimately your husband is the one at fault if he just sits around and takes it.
If the siblings are competing with each other or being mean to each other, you also need to ignore it and stay out of it. If you don't like being around that kind of chatter, then find an excuse to leave, or just don't visit with them at all.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! THANKS!
How have his brothers started the whole competition thing?
In all honesty, I don't know what to tell you. That comment... if she meant what you feel she meant, so what? IT's just dumb. But at the same time, I also wonder if you aren't reading too much into what she said.
Also, why would that "bust" your DH's self-esteem? I dont' understand that part.
Also, you seem to be trying to come off likeyou don't care about them, but yet, you seem to care alot...??
I don't know- I just find a lot of this confusing.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Well, his graying is kind of a sensative subject to him and I see that it makes him uneasy when people just ask "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!!!???" So, I can tell it's kind of a sensative subject and just the way she told him...
Then he needs to tell her to knock it off. Not just sit there, festering inside, and wishing on a star that she'd stop. He needs to stop being a doormat.
Well, his graying is kind of a sensative subject to him and I see that it makes him uneasy when people just ask "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!!!???" So, I can tell it's kind of a sensative subject and just the way she told him in front of everybody and her tone. This is all new to me and I don't know how to take it. I just don't know how to react when they make stupid comments and I don't want to do anything that would embarrass him or myself. So, I wasn't sure if any of you had ever gone through this?
1. I think you are way over-analyzing this if you think that she was insinuating that you are the cause of your DH's gray hairs. I think she was just responding to the other SIL's crass comment with a snappy comeback.
2. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing your DH doesn't give a rat's ass what these two goofballs think about his hair color, be it gray, brown, or skybluepink! I don't think it's HIS self-esteem that's the problem here.
In situations like that, I try to diffuse things with humor. For example, if someone commented that dh greyed after our wedding, I'd probably be the first to say "yep, being married to me could age anybody." Or "I'd rather have grey hair than hair that was falling out!" (provided his brothers weren't balding). Ditto the fat comment - if it were my dh I would probably attribute it to better cooking at home or something like that.
I can understand being sensitive about things, but if your H is confident enough to stop dying his hair, he should be able to handle comments about it. If not, he's a big baby and needs to toughen up.
Overall your SILs are rude people and you need to see them less frequently.