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Fourth of July plans
Hello! This is my first time posting so bear with me. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or if I'm just venting...but I needed to get it out.
My fiance and I have been together for three years, and each year we have gone to his family's hometown for the Fourth of July. I love his parents and his sister and get along with them great! However, his parents have some family friends that they spend this holiday with, and they do not like me at all (fiance and his family know this).
I have four issues with spending this holiday with his family EVERY year.
1. I will have to deal with these "family friends" who do not like me and frankly, whom I do not get along with.
2. My fiance has friends that also attend this event every year, and they have traditions that he wants to participate in (boys only).
3. His sister is one of my best friends, but she is a few years younger than I am, and she wants to hang out with her high school friends. I always feel a little weird "tagging along" with a bunch of girls who are several years younger than I am.
4. Therefore, I am stuck at his parents' house helping his mom make lunch and dinner (for a lot of people - its a lot of work).
Frankly, it's not fun for me, I have nothing to do, and its exhausting because all I do is work.
I've asked him if we could do something different this year, and he said that he thought his parents would be upset if we did. Every idea I come up with, he shuts down. Do I just have to suck it up and spend this one holiday like this every year?
Thanks for your input!
Re: Fourth of July plans
I think it's lousy that your husband uses the response "my parents will be upset" because that wouldn't be good enough for me. My perspective would be, "oh well, let them be upset and we'll make plans that we will both enjoy." But I suspect that isn't the complete truth, that your husband also really enjoys this event and hasn't said that to you?
I'm conflicted on this. I'm the type of person who would opt out and tell him to go and have a great time at his family's thing. I would be honest and tell him while it's great he's having a great time, I'm tired of working the kitchen like hired help. But that isn't going to work if you resent the fact that he doesn't "choose" to opt out and make plans with you to do something together. From what I've read, it seems like he wasn't willing to make alternate plans.
It's a shame you don't have a better time hanging out with his sister. Are there any other things you can do in that town that gets you away from them? For example, go visit someplace while the "boys" do their thing and you return later to the house? Make plans with another group?
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There are other holidays throughout the year..and plenty of times to get together with family rest of the summer. I would swap off.
I agree with this!
Anothrer compromise thought...can you go for a few days before everyone else arrives, stay 1-2 days with "the whole crowd," then go home? Or arrive towards the end of the holiday, spend only 1-2 days with the guests, then stay on after they leave?
You shouldn't feel obligated to "help out" MIL with the party. Tell your dh that if you go, he's going to have to keep you entertained for part of the time, and stay away from the house as MIL makes her party preparations.
Or just don't go. It doesn't sound like it is going to be a fun vacation, and if DH isn't going to do any work to make it more enjoyable, then there is no reason you can't do your own thing over the holiday weekend.