Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
talk me down, people!
I'm so pissed right now!
About an hour ago, I got an email from one of my uncles inviting us to a birthday party for my Grandpa who is turning 93 on Sunday. The party is ON THIS SUNDAY, as in 2 days from now. And it's in my hometown which is 3.5 hours away.
There's a whole backstory with this uncle and his family doing stuff like this. I know for a fact that they've been planning this party for weeks, but just didn't plan on inviting anyone but their own kids. (My other uncle told me and he was mad about it, too.)
It's just so obvious that they waited until the last minute to invite everyone so that none us would be able to make it.
And we really can't go. I am helping a good friend of mine with a project on Sunday and it's the only day we can do it. I know I shouldn't feel guilty for not being able to go to a party that I'm really not even wanted at by the hosts, but I love my Grandpa and I know he would have liked to have seen the whole family. And if my dad were still alive this sh*t would not be happening. He kept his brother in line and didn't put up with this kind of thing.
And I've drafted about 15 different sarcastic, assholish responses to the email, but I know I can't send any of them. Other than the fact that I will have to see these relatives on a semi-regular basis whether I like it or not, I'm also tied to them by our stupid family business that my sisters and I inherited our share of when my dad died.
But man, I'd really like to send them an email telling them that not only was this a shittastic move on their part, but I'd also like to call them out on not inviting Grandpa to their son's wedding. It's in the Bahamas, there's no way he would have actually gone and "ruined" their good time. But it would have been nice if he at least thought his presence was wanted.
Gaaahhhh!!!! These people make me want to spit!
Re: talk me down, people!
that really really sux but don't send the email, just vent to us instead!
That's really sh!tty. Why wouldn't they want as many people as possible to celebrate a 90 year old man's birthday?
I would write something along the lines of not being able to change your plans now and wishing you had more notice. I hate (HATE) last minute stuff like this. MIL used to invite us to holiday functions two days before until we stopped going and set her straight. But that was a matter of her being kind of oblivious and not realizing we actually had other things to do, not pure spite.
That kind of passive-agressive drama would drive me bonkers, especially when it involves something worth celebrating!
I'd also reply that you hate to miss the party, but can't come on such short notice, and that instead you look forward to visiting at a date of your choice. It sounds like a visit with your grandfather at another time would be less nutty!
Totally agree with this. As for the family business can you sell your share? I would do as much as possible to limit my exposure to these people!
Can you write something like this:
Dear Uncle D-Bag,
We obviously would have loved to celebrate Grandpa's birthday with everyone, but given the short notice, we won't be able to make it. As you know, traveling with a toddler requires some planning!
In the future, if you could let us know about these important family events in with a few more weeks notice (maybe when you start planning them), we will be more than happy to make the trip.
Love,
BH
MrsH, I would LOVE to sell my share of the business, but there are a lot of reasons why I can't really do that.
And MrsRam, that's a good email...especially the salutation :-)
I've gotten lots of good advice on here about family stuff. So I'll pass on what I've learned. You can't change the way your family is. No email to your uncle will make him understand what his did is wrong, or change his future behavior in any way.
Your uncle was crappy, his family may not want you there, but you know your grandfather would.
I say this as someone with no grandparents left, so factor that in: Personally, given his age, and despite my hesitance to ever bail on a friend, I would go to the party. It's not your grandfather's fault his son is dbag. It sounds like the party won't even be that great for the old man, given the wedding invitation embarassment. I'd go and make sure he knows he's loved.